Winning The Whining War

Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time on the softball team. Each parent finds the whining annoying, but is unsure what to do about it. In each case, the parent and the child could be helped by the following guidelines.

Do expect your child to whine. It is age appropriate at two, three, eight, thirteen, nineteen and every other age in between. Children will whine. Count on it.

Don't say, "Stop whining." That doesn't work. Children do not like being ordered around under normal circumstances. When they are whining, they like it even less. One thing worse than a whiner is a whiner that engages you in a power struggle.

Do say, "Madison, that is whining. Whining doesn't work with me. What works with me is to ask in a normal voice, with normal tone and normal volume. If you do that, sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you don't. But it's your only hope."

Don't be surprised if you are tested. Your child will check you out to see if you meant what you just said. Show them that you do.

Don't cave. You may be tested more than once. Once your child realizes that whining doesn't work, he will drop the behavior. A child who fights, fights because that behavior works for him. A child who runs away from fights, runs away because that works for him. A child who gives excuses, does so because that behavior works for him. Show your child that whining doesn't work with you.

Do announce the living room, kitchen, your bedroom, and the car are whine free zones. Put up whine free signs if necessary.

Do allow your child to whine. Provide a whining area. Her bedroom will work well for this purpose. With a legitimate whining area, your child can continue to whine if she chooses and you don't have to hear it.

Don't whine to your spouse about your whining your child. You are always modeling. Your child learned whining behavior somewhere. Could it have been from you?

Do use a whine fine for older children. Assess each whiner $1.00 per whine. Keep it in a whine jar or whine bottle. Treat yourself to dinner out or a massage when the whine toll allows.

Do allow children to whine in a whining journal. Inform them that you will listen to all whining if it is written down.

Do praise your child when she asks in a normal voice, with a normal tone and normal volume.

Don't take children to stores, malls or relatives homes beyond their normal bedtime. You are asking for whining. Whining, both theirs and yours, increases with tiredness.

Do use preventative communication before you enter whine zones. Have a talk in the car before you enter the grocery store. Explain the purpose of the trip. Set the ground rules. Make your expectations clear before you enter the whine zone and you will experience less whining after you get in there.

Do inform your child that you are having trouble hearing when she whines. Tell her she is hard to understand when she chooses that tone. Tell her whining hurts your ears and they close down for whine protection.

Do make a copy of this article and carry it around with you. This will help you stay conscious that whining is a behavior you have made a commitment to eliminate.

Don't get discouraged. Whining is learned behavior. Learned behavior can be unlearned and with consistent use of these strategies, your child will learn new behaviors to replace it.

Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthy E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved worldwide.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are the co-authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."

Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000 participants have attended his lectures.

Thomas Haller is a preeminent family and couples therapist. His private psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds Institute.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents, teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to http://chickmoorman.com

---

Google News Updated : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:05:39 GMT In Long-Awaited Maps of Cancer, The Breakthrough Is the Problem - Wall Street Journal In Long-Awaited Maps of Cancer, The Breakthrough Is the Problem Wall Street Journal - 10 hours ago By GAUTAM NAIK After struggling for years to improve the treatment of cancer, scientists now hope to fight the disease with the help of the same techniques that deciphered the human genome eight years ago: mapping it. What You Need to Know About Mapping the Cancer Genome U.S. News & World Report Data on defective genes make tailored remedies possible Baltimore Sun Reuters - The Associated Press - Bloomberg - eFluxMedia all 261 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:01:28 GMT Lavrov rejects Cheney's attack on Russia - CNN International BBC News Lavrov rejects Cheney's attack on Russia CNN International - 1 hour ago By CNN's Matthew Chance MOSCOW, Russia (CNN) -- Russia on Friday rejected sharp criticism by US Vice President Dick Cheney that its intervention in Georgia raises doubts about Moscow's reliability as an international partner. Video: Cheney Slams Russia for War Against Georgia AssociatedPress Russia says Cheney fanning Georgian aggression Reuters India Reuters UK - guardian.co.uk - RIA Novosti - Voice of America all 2,162 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:45:40 GMT PIECING TOGETHER A PLEA How the deal got done - Detroit Free Press Boston Globe PIECING TOGETHER A PLEA How the deal got done Detroit Free Press - 6 hours ago BY JOE SWICKARD • FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER • September 5, 2008 Prosecutors rolled Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's plea deal into court Thursday praying the wheels wouldn't fall off. Detroit Mayor Acknowledges 'Poor Judgment' NPR Detroit mayor pleads guilty, to leave office Reuters DetNews.com - International Herald Tribune - The Associated Press - WWJ all 853 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:57:24 GMT Nokia Forecasts Drop in Third-Quarter Market Share (Update1) - Bloomberg AFP Nokia Forecasts Drop in Third-Quarter Market Share (Update1) Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Juho Erkheikki Sept. 5 (Bloomberg) -- Nokia Oyj, the world's biggest maker of mobile phones, forecast a drop in third-quarter market share after competitors slashed prices and a new handset was delayed. Nokia Sees Market Share Slipping in Third Quarter Wall Street Journal Nokia Lowers its Third Quarter 2008 Mobile Device Market Share Outlook FOXBusiness MarketWatch - Reuters - TheStreet.com - The Associated Press all 138 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:50:07 GMT Dell looks to sell factories worldwide - CNNMoney.com Wall Street Journal Dell looks to sell factories worldwide CNNMoney.com - 50 minutes ago By Scott Moritz Dell (DELL) is getting more serious about trimming costs and is exploring plans to sell its PC manufacturing plants, according to a news report Friday. Dell said to consider sale of factories MarketWatch Ahead of the Bell: Dell may sell plants, WSJ says Forbes Bloomberg - EETimes.com - BloggingStocks - Zacks.com all 83 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:15:09 GMT Reviews of McCain's speech - MSNBC Telegraph.co.uk Reviews of McCain's speech MSNBC - 30 minutes ago The AP’s Ron Fournier says McCain “preached bipartisanship and unity from a stage retooled to carry him out to the Republican faithful. McCain: I work for you CNN Political Ticker ‘Change is coming,’ McCain tells GOP in speech Kansas City Star CNN - Houston Chronicle - Forbes - Chicago Sun-Times all 906 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:35:16 GMT Lebanese ruling majority accuses Syria of interfering in Lebanon - Xinhua Sydney Morning Herald Lebanese ruling majority accuses Syria of interfering in Lebanon Xinhua - 2 hours ago BEIRUT, Sept.5 (Xinhua) -- Lebanese ruling majority accused Syrian President Bashar Assad of interfering in Lebanese internal affairs and not recognizing Lebanon's sovereignty, local press Naharnet reported Friday. Video: Sarkozy in Syria : the press is divided france24english Editor's Notes: A losing battle, so far Jerusalem Post PRESS TV - Ynetnews - Ha'aretz - New York Times all 1,062 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 11:59:29 GMT RSS to HTML Increase Traffic

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

I Cant Sleep Without You

When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More

Three Tips to Get Children with Sleeping Problems Asleep

According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More

Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed

Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life,... Read More

Your Company Vehicle is a Portable Bill Board; A word of advice on children passengers

Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: One Step Farther

When is a person brilliant? When does a person show... Read More

Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps

Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More

A Child Can Make a Difference

Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time

Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More

Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child

Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More

Anti Scooter Media Frenzy

An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More

Baby Name Meanings

Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More

After the Driving School

If you visit search engines you can find several resources... Read More

ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?

A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More

For School Success, Dont Coddle Your Kids

Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More

Adoption: Laughter and Tears

If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More

Picky Eater - Fighting the Good Fight

Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Are Sleep Overs with the Opposite Sex OK?

Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More

Give Your Child the Gift of Self-Esteem

Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More

Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder?

Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More

Stop, Look, Listen! Steps to Better Parenting Communication

As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

How Much Water are You Wasting?

Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider... Read More

Are Parents Trying Too Hard?

One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More

Understanding The Report

"No thank you. Don't bother to send me the report... Read More

Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More