Uniforms

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31, 2004

I am concerned about my daughter, "Julie." She is 16 and a junior in high school. She gets fair grades, doesn't get into a lot of trouble, and doesn't smoke or do drugs as far as I know. Why the concern, you ask? It's the way she dresses.

Julie likes to wear baggy pants, T-shirts with rock band logos, skull and crossbones, or phrases such as "Psycho." She wears chains and studs on her pants, wrists, and neck. Ninety percent of her clothes are black. Just two weeks ago she cut her gorgeous, waist length white-blonde hair, dyed it black and pink, and now spikes it every day!

I would like Julie to have her individual style, but I think she is going way too far. It is crazy and also embarrassing to my husband and me. Please help me. I have nowhere else to turn!

Margaret

Margaret, with children you have to pick your battles. It sounds like Julie is a good girl who goes to school and doesn't do drugs. If she has always gotten fair grades, then nothing has changed.

If you and your husband have certain limits, such as no tattoos, no body piercing, and reasonable curfews, that's the battleground. Communicate to Julie what your limits are, and realize that beautiful white-blonde hair grows back and a wardrobe can be changed in an instant.

Julie may think she is a rebel, but all she has done is don the uniform of the group she hangs out with. The change is as permanent as her age. Let her rebel with the things which don't matter, and don't concede on anything which does matter.

If we throw love and care at our children, mixed with a reasonable amount of discipline, things almost always turn out right.

Wayne & Tamara

Too Far

I am in a great relationship for close to a year. I am divorced because my ex had an affair, and we were very unhappy. Before this I trusted each person I was with.

I trust my new girlfriend, but she has a childhood friend who is still a friend to her, and they have had sexual relations many times. In a recent trip near where he lives, I suggested we get together and have dinner. She replied it would be awkward, and she was reluctant to introduce us.

I didn't press the issue. Now my girlfriend would like to go and stay with his mother, or him as far as I know, and get away for the weekend. She mentioned she would be going to dinner and hanging out with him. She also stated what they shared is over and more experimentation than anything else.

I haven't been invited, nor would I really like to go. I am not happy about it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Roger

Roger, why wouldn't you have a problem? Your girlfriend of a year is going to spend a weekend with a man she's had sex with, a man she does not want you to meet.

Her explanation that sex between them was experimental is not reassuring. Does it mean she can have sex outside a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship? Would she like this man to commit to her and he won't, but she keeps trying? Is this trip an attempt to pit one man against another?

Trust and fidelity are absolute essentials in a relationship, and she is causing you concern about both. You are worried if you put your foot down it might end the relationship, but if you foresee marriage to this woman, you must.

Wanting a relationship is one thing. Letting somebody test and break its limits is another. You can't settle for less and get more.

When someone tests the bonds of a relationship to this extent, and you don't protest, they don't respect you more. They treat you like a doormat.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 20:07:30 GMT US Jobless Rate Climbs Past 6%, Highest Since ’03 - New York Times US Jobless Rate Climbs Past 6%, Highest Since ’03 New York Times - 18 hours ago By LOUIS UCHITELLE The unemployment rate jumped to 6.1 percent in August, its highest level in five years, pushing the troubles of American workers to the center of the political debate as the presidential campaign enters its final weeks. Jobless rate at 5-year high Reuters Unemployment, mortgage delinquencies soar in worrisome sign for ... San Jose Mercury News Los Angeles Times - ABC News - Detroit Free Press - Financial Times all 401 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:04:03 GMT Stunner - Alex Smith listed as doubtful - San Francisco Chronicle Stunner - Alex Smith listed as doubtful San Francisco Chronicle - 47 minutes ago The 49ers just called and said quarterback Alex Smith is "doubtful" for tomorrow's season-opener against the visiting Cardinals. 49ers QB Smith doubtful for Sunday Rotoworld.com Alex Smith injures shoulder, doubtful for Sunday Sacramento Bee Contra Costa Times all 10 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:20:25 GMT Rejuvenated Federer Overpowers Djokovic to Reach Final - New York Times USA Today Rejuvenated Federer Overpowers Djokovic to Reach Final New York Times - 47 minutes ago By LIZ ROBBINS Roger Federer was acing like old times - up the middle, out wide, serving up even more frustration for the snarling Novak Djokovic. Federer tames Djokovic to reach final Washington Post Federer rolls into another US Open final Sports Network The Associated Press - New York Daily News - SportingNews.com - Bloomberg all 3,163 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:19:52 GMT Obama and McCain to Make Joint Sept. 11 Visit to Ground Zero - Washington Post Telegraph.co.uk Obama and McCain to Make Joint Sept. 11 Visit to Ground Zero Washington Post - 2 hours ago By Michael D. Shear COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- John McCain and Barack Obama announced today that they will visit Ground Zero in New York on Thursday to mark the seventh anniversary of the 9-11 attacks that brought down the Twin Towers. McCain's new cast of thousands, all unknown Boston Globe Liking McCain pick, but not McCain Packet Online Financial Times - Chicago Sun-Times - OpEdNews - Philadelphia Inquirer all 1,345 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 17:48:49 GMT Rosetta spacecraft takes asteroid photos - United Press International Washington Post Rosetta spacecraft takes asteroid photos United Press International - 34 minutes ago PARIS, Sept. 6 (UPI) -- The Rosetta spacecraft has captured images of an asteroid in orbit more than 220 million miles from Earth, a European Space Agency official says. European space probe completes asteroid fly by Reuters Spacecraft flies by remote asteroid, camera stops The Associated Press Detroit Free Press - Sky & Telescope - Taipei Times - AFP all 547 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:33:25 GMT Mozilla updates Firefox 3.1 with Alpha 2 build - Computerworld PR Web (press release) Mozilla updates Firefox 3.1 with Alpha 2 build Computerworld - 52 minutes ago By Gregg Keizer September 6, 2008 (Computerworld) Mozilla Corp. on Friday launched the second alpha of Firefox 3.1, adding new video support and boosting the speed of some JavaScript computations. Chrome's JavaScript challenge to Silverlight CNET News NetSuite Says Chrome-optimized Apps Are Flying PC World CRN - Financial Times - InformationWeek - Hindu all 214 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:15:17 GMT A pair of Coens might as well be one at Toronto - Reuters Canada.com A pair of Coens might as well be one at Toronto Reuters - 53 minutes ago By Janet Guttsman TORONTO (Reuters) - There is a reason they are called the Coen Bros., and not Joel Coen and Ethan Coen: they might as well be one person. Pitt Rocks to Madonna FOXNews The Coens’ Funny Bones Newsweek The Associated Press - People Magazine - Los Angeles Times - The Gossip Girls all 165 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:13:38 GMT Create Blog RSS Software

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

How to Help Your Children to Blossom

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More

Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!

Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More

Childhood Obesity

Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More

Time Managment Skills for Children

Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More

Stop, Look, Listen! Steps to Better Parenting Communication

As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More

Discipline Without Damage

If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More

Mommy, I Can?t Sleep! Sleep Disturbance in Children

"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More

Positive Parenting of Teenagers: Helping Your Teen Understand What I Cant Afford It Means

Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More

Learning Responsibility is a Lifelong Process

Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More

Why Do People Have Kids?

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More

Summer Marks the Time to Remember Active Supervision Around Family Swimming Pools

LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More

Twelve Tips To Connect With Teachers At Conference Time

It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you... Read More

Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting

I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More

Lead with Love:How Mothers Can Use Their Greatest Strength to Manage Around Their Technical Weakness

My wife and I have been working on a video... Read More

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More

Lets Pretend

Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More

Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child

Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More

Are You Meeting ALL Your Childs Basic Needs?

This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More

Bedtime and Sleep Habits

Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More

Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it Tourettes Syndrome?

During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy

If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More

Playing Safe

Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with... Read More

In Defense of the Jelly Bean

Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More