Surviving as a Single Parent
Emotional Overload
Many single parents say they deal with a variety of emotional issues that you might describe as "extra baggage." Some examples include:
? Self-pity
? Depression
? Guilt
? Anger
? Envy
? Fear
? Severe money problems
? Loneliness and isolation
? Frustration
? Exhaustion
These issues present such a challenge because they undermine your daily functioning and emotional well-being. But they can be managed successfully so that you manage your family in a positive way.
10 Ways to Speed Your Recovery Process
Becoming divorced or widowed and then facing years of single parenting is a shock to anyone who experiences it. You will need to take steps to recover and heal. Here are some suggestions:
1. Some churches, synagogues, counseling centers, and therapists offer free and low-cost divorce recovery workshops and grief support groups. Look for them in the newspaper and Yellow Pages. If you don't see any listed, call a few places that may be able to refer you.
2. Look for local peer support groups and networks.
3. If you have access to the Internet, search for support services in your area.
4. Also on the Internet, look for chat rooms or bulletin boards where single parents post messages and share ideas.
5. Find library books for kids about divorce and single-parent families, and read them together. Take the time to talk about how they relate to your situation and encourage your kids to talk about their feelings.
6. Find a support group for children of divorce.
7. Tell your children's teachers and the school psychologist that you are a single-parent family. Let them know that you welcome feedback and suggestions on coping with your circumstances.
8. When you are ready, investigate groups like Parents Without Partners for single adults. You need to be with other adults who have similar interests.
9. Learn to help your kids talk about what is happening to them.
10. Learn conflict resolution and problem-solving skills.
Single-Parent Survival Strategies
In addition to recovering from the loss of a partner, you will need to take action to survive and thrive in the coming years. The following strategies provide a starting place.
1. Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from both the loss of your spouse and the resulting changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now.
2. Realize and accept that you must get help with your single-parenting responsibilities. It is unrealistic to think that you can do it alone.
3. Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle. Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce, the death of a parent, or life in a single-parent home. Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do. Take your child's developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior.
4. Give your children permission to talk to you about their feelings.
5. Keep appropriate boundaries.
? Don't give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you.
? Let your children be children.
? Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce or death of your spouse.
? Find another adult to be your sounding board.
6. Let people help you.
? If it is impossible to reciprocate, say so.
? People know that your life isn't like it used to be.
? Don't let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer.
7. Let go of your need for perfection. You will have much more stress if you don't lower your expectations.
8. Even though you are unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers.
9. Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don't assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to parent loss by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, "Tell me how you're feeling."
10. While it is important to listen and accept your children's feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior.
11. Cultivate your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems.
12. Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first.
13. Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them.
14. Simplify as many things as possible in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated.
15. Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee.
16. Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don't have time for it, and it's not necessary.
17. Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don't waste your emotions on it.
18. Create a ritual to mark the change in your circumstances. This could be a funeral for your spouse or a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce.
19. Keep a private journal in which you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won't find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear-all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent.
20. Remind yourself that recovering from divorce or the death of a spouse will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact.
21. Learn to be assertive. You can't say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself.
22. Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake.
23. Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, "I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?"
24. Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren't around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel.
25. Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week.
26. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you're afraid of.
27. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about.
28. Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
 Google News Updated : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 20:08:19 GMT Health Highlights: Sept. 6, 2008 - Washington Post
Washington Post - On the heels of the huge nationwide salmonella outbreak that caused more than 1400 illnesses from Mexican peppers, a regional Oregon alfalfa sprout distributor has recalled its product in Oregon and Washington state after the sprouts were linked to 13 ... Salmonellosis outbreak prompts sprout recall Salmonella outbreak traced to alfalfa sprouts Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:31:13 GMT India a step closer to nuclear trade - Christian Science Monitor
Christian Science Monitor - The Nuclear Suppliers Group agreed Saturday to lift a 34-year ban on selling nuclear technology to India, even though it hasn't signed the Non-Proliferation Treaty. India secures controversial access to nuclear technology US Congress signals it will clear N-deal Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:01:15 GMT Hurricane, at Category 4, Heads Toward Cuba - New York Times
New York Times - By MARIA NEWMAN Hurricane Ike grew into a bigger threat to Florida and the Gulf Coast Sunday as it roared through the Bahamas mid-morning, with forecasters expecting it to gain in strength as it approaches Cuba. Video: Raw Video: Ike Pounds Turks and Caicos Powerful Hurricane Ike looms as trouble for Gulf Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:52:07 GMT Michigan spared sting of West Nile - Detroit Free Press
Detroit Free Press - BY SHERI McWHIRTER • RECORD-EAGLE • September 7, 2008 TRAVERSE CITY -- West Nile virus hasn't seriously bitten Michigan this year and seems to have spared the state's northern reaches. Yes, the mosquitoes were nasty this summer Aerial survey being conducted to find mosquito breeding grounds Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 07:53:44 GMT 'Wrestler' takes top honors at Venice - Variety
Variety - By NICK VIVARELLI Darren Aronofsky drama “The Wrestler,” starring Mickey Rourke as washed out pro wrestler Randy (the Ram) Robinson, in comeback mode both on and off the screen, pinned down the Venice Film Festival’s Golden Lion. Is Evan Rachel Wood dropkicking Marilyn Manson for Mickey Rourke? A Glance at 'The Wrestler' Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:55:44 GMT Side events bring out celebs in advance of VMAs - The Associated Press
The Associated Press - LOS ANGELES (AP) - Though the MTV Video Music Awards are the main event in town this weekend, some celebrities are satisfied enough with the side activities connected to the extravaganza. Britney 'Getting an Opportunity to Start Over' at VMAs Brand and Spears have been promoting the awards on MTV Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 19:10:38 GMT Spa Update: Hamilton Penalty Hands Win to Massa - AutoWeek
AutoWeek - By NIGEL ROEBUCK A drive-through penalty is the punishment for almost causing a collision in the pits. We know this because Bruno Senna was thus punished in the GP2 Series race at Spa-Francorchamps, and it cost him the race. Massa declared winner of Belgian GP Raikkonen's title hopes doused by Hamilton at Spa Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:46:22 GMT Website Traffic Promotion |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More 1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More In today's fast-paced society, many families depend on some form... Read More If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More 1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
Adsense
websites
Why Creativity and Self-Expression are Important to Little Kids
Building Self Confidence
Top Ten Reasons to Hold Family Meetings
Adderall and Its Side-Effects
Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps
Television - The Great SATAN!
How to Deal with Your Child?s Inappropriate Behaviour
How to Foster a Love of Reading and Writing in Your Child
Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother
Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences
What Values Are We Giving Our Children?
Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk
Selecting and Hiring Childcare Employees
The Child Chef
The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues, But... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves?
Paediatric Osteopathy
Girls Gone Mild
Top 20+ Reasons to Pay your Kid an Allowance
Helping Your Kid?s Grow a Garden
Back to School
Co-Morbidity Rates: Other Problems That May Come With ADHD
Words of Wisdom for Single Parents
Why have children? DINCs, This is For You!
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Minimizing Homework Hassles
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More
Diet Sodas And How They Can Affect Kids
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
In Defense of the Jelly Bean
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
Maturing As a Parent
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an In-Charge Parent
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
A Call For Fathers
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Is Your Behavioural Change Strategy Working?
'How can I start getting my children to help out... Read More
Children - Blessing or Curse
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
Small Children, Languages and Myths
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part... Read More
Effects of Jealousy on Childs Personality
Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with... Read More
Being A Mum - It?s About Them And Not About You!
So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
The Free Ride In Public Schools
To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many... Read More
How to Parent Your Teen Effectively
Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents... Read More
Awesome Dads Top Ten Communication Intentions
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
Some Tips for Healthy Parenting
Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More
Just Average
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Whats Mine Is Mine
You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More
Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More
When Everybody Does It Comes Back to Haunt You
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
Surviving As A Single Parent: Seven Simple Suggestions To Make Your Life Easier
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able... Read More
Parenting |