Super Nanny - A Users Guide to Watching Super Nanny

There are many things to like about the television show Super Nanny that has captured the public interest in recent weeks.

First, the nanny character is very likeable, if a little scary at times. She has that old-fashioned school-teacher demeanour that says, 'Listen up. I know best and I am in charge here.' Many of the families featured need someone who takes charge.

Second, if you are a parent, how can you not get involved in a show that gets you into the challenges of child rearing in such a nitty gritty, warts n'all way that doesn't involve you? Okay, it is voyeuristic but it is doesn't relate to you, does it???!!! Importantly, this program has got people talking about raising kids, which is fantastic.

Third, while I don't agree with every technique presented the program gives good, solid advice and strategies about some common challenges many parents face. Importantly, it helps parenting become a happy experience again for many people as it is the little challenges that we face that can make the job so difficult.

Following is a user's guide for watching Super Nanny to help you be discerning about what you see and to encourage you think about some of the principles that may be behind (or should be behind) the strategies presented.

1. Who owns the problem?

A crucial principle that the Super Nanny ignores is that of problem ownership. Problems in families are owned by either by parents, children or the family as a whole. Too often parents take on responsibilities that should belong to parents so issues escalate into power disputes. A simple question to ask when you see a misbehaviour presented is: Who owns this problem?

Let's give it a try:

a) Who owns the problem when a child comes into his parents' bedroom at 3.00am? Answer: Parents so they need to come up with a strategy to deal with it.

b) Who owns the problem when a child refuses to eat at mealtime or is fussy at mealtime? Answer: The child so he or she needs to worry about eating, not his parents.

c) Who owns the problem when the family room is left in a mess? Answer: The family so everyone needs to address family room tidiness.

When watching this program make sure that the owner of the problem takes responsibility and parents stay out of problems such as eating and dressing that should belong to children.

2. What is the purpose of the behaviour?

When children are less than perfect look for parents' place in their behaviour. Look specifically for what the parents do to contribute to the continuing misbehaviour. The point being is that children don't misbehave in a vacuum. Misbehaviour generally has the purpose of getting attention, defeating someone else or retaliation. Children throw tantrums because they are a great way to get control back. Eating refusal is a great way to get some attention or prove a child's power over a parent. Secondary bed-wetting is a great form of retaliation. Ask yourself, if the parent didn't respond to the misbehaviour as they routinely do would it continue? If not, then it gives a clue to the purpose of the behaviour.

3. How does the household routine contribute to the problem?

Make no mistake, even families with no obvious routine have a routine. It is just all over the place. Kids love an orderly routine as it gives life predictability. A large percentage of challenges can be prevented by having sensible child-friendly routines; particularly around mornings, around dinnertime and at bed-time, which are the three manic times in most families. A daily routine that gives time for children's activities and that separates work and family is an essential in many families.

4. Do parents talk too much when children are less than perfect?

Parents often spend a great deal of their time telling children what they already know. Anyone ever said something like, "How many times do I have tell you to put your toys away before dinner?" Kids know what they are meant to do yet we remind them. It is better to put an action in place ? i.e. don't put dinner on the table until toys are packed away ? so kids know you mean what you say.

5. Does the misbehaviour intensify before it is eliminated if a change strategy is used?

Notice how children's misbehaviour will often get worse before it is eliminated. A child who usually cries out successfully for his parents when he is put to bed will turn up the volume if his parents change their behaviour and ignore his cries for one more drink or another story. He will probably add tears and say some pretty hurtful things as a way of pressing the old guilt buttons. It may take a while but he will test his parents' new found will and work out if they have a backbone or not.

6. Do parents have some time for them?

Many family challenges stem from the fact that parents are tired and stressed. Parents with two or more children close in age or those with children under five generally have a difficult time of it. Parents need some time each day (very hard) and each week just for them. If not then they generally become overwhelmed and lose perspective. They say they want strategies to deal with kids, when all they need is a break.

7. Do parents work together or does lack of teamwork contribute to the problems?

A big challenge for many parents is working together and getting on the same wavelength rather than working at odds with each other. Bedtime is a typical time when parents can inadvertently work against each other. For instance, one can settle the kids down while the other is busy amping them up with a game or two.

8. How will fixing one problem impact on the family?

It is amazing how resolving one parenting issue has a snowball effect on other problems. For instance, many parents who finally solve the battle of bedtimes find it is amazing how their children's whinging and whining disappears. Yes, it is easier to cope with children when we have plenty of sleep under our belts but often the resolve we gain from overcoming something so draining gives us energy and the will to deal with lesser issues. And kids suddenly realise that mum and dad are suddenly different.

Keep an open mind if you do catch an episode of Super Nanny and look for principles behind the strategies so that you can adapt some of the ideas presented to suit your own family.

Michael Grose is Australia's most popular parenting author and presenter. The author of six books for parents, published in numerous countries and translated into many languages Michael is well-known to readers around the world. Subscribe to Happy Kids, his forthnightly newsletter full of practical, thought-provoking ideas at http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to a free on-line parenting course.

---

Google News Updated : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:25:37 GMT In Lack of Health Insurance Coverage Texas Is First - eMaxHealth.com Ontario Now In Lack of Health Insurance Coverage Texas Is First eMaxHealth.com - 3 hours ago Texas is at the top of the heap again - this time we are the most uninsured state, health care-wise, in the country. Oh wait, being without health insurance coverage is not a good thing, is it? Number of uninsured Americans drops Bizjournals.com Update2: Number Of Americans Without Health Insurance Drops eFluxMedia dBTechno - UT The Daily Texan - Bolingbrook Sun - U.S. News & World Report all 336 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:22:00 GMT Mayor Melton Advises Public of West Nile Precautions - WLBT-TV Mayor Melton Advises Public of West Nile Precautions WLBT-TV - 57 minutes ago When planning outdoor activities this Labor Day weekend, Jackson residents are encouraged to reduce their risk of contracting West Nile virus by protecting themselves from mosquito bites and removing sources of standing water near their homes. DELAWARE: West Nile virus appears later than usual Bethany Beach Wave West Nile victim's widow ponders his death Newsday Los Angeles Times - eFluxMedia - WSYR - The Olympian all 545 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:28:14 GMT Thai Protest Stops Trains and Planes - New York Times Times Online Thai Protest Stops Trains and Planes New York Times - 54 minutes ago By THOMAS FULLER BANGKOK - Protesters in Thailand ratcheted up their campaign to oust the government on Friday, broadening their occupation to stop trains and block provincial airports, as well as waging an unsuccessful attack on police headquarters ... Thai rioters attack police station Aljazeera.net UPDATE 8-Thai protests hit police HQ, disrupt airports Reuters The Associated Press - guardian.co.uk - United Press International - AFP all 2,319 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:31:31 GMT Evacuations begin in Louisiana - Houston Chronicle Calgary Herald Evacuations begin in Louisiana Houston Chronicle - 1 hour ago By DANE SCHILLER Copyright 2008 Houston Chronicle NEW ORLEANS - About 1000 disabled and elderly residents west of the city are being evacuated this afternoon and New Orleans officials are considering whether to order more people out of the projected ... Video: New Orleans Braces For Gustav CBS Gulf Coast prepares as storm Gustav approaches The Associated Press BBC News - ABC News - Bloomberg - The Swamp - Tribune's Washington Bureau all 4,379 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:56:04 GMT Microsoft to Buy Greenfield, Adding European Web Shopping Site - Bloomberg Siliconrepublic.com Microsoft to Buy Greenfield, Adding European Web Shopping Site Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Phil Serafino and Dina Bass Aug. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Microsoft Corp., seeking to catch Google Inc. in the Internet-search market, agreed to buy Greenfield Online Inc. for $486 million to add Web sites that help consumers find product reviews and ... Survey Says ... Microsoft Is a Smart Shopper Motley Fool Microsoft to buy price comparison website Financial Times BetaNews - Red Herring - Web Host Industry Review - Xconomy all 356 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:24:21 GMT Detroit mayor's political future back in court - The Associated Press Washington Post Detroit mayor's political future back in court The Associated Press - 1 hour ago DETROIT (AP) - A lawyer for Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick asked a judge Friday to freeze next week's hearing that could remove him from office, accusing Gov. Judge to decide Tuesday on mayor's bid to halt ouster DetNews.com Hearing under way on suit against Granholm Detroit Free Press Chicago Tribune - Crain's Detroit Business - MyFox Detroit - New York Times all 1,672 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:06:32 GMT Gustav on the Brink of Explosive Development - Washington Post Telegraph.co.uk Gustav on the Brink of Explosive Development Washington Post - 1 hour ago Over the past 48 hours Tropical Storm Gustav proved it was a survivor, as it withstood difficult journeys over Haiti and Jamaica. Now it may turn into a monster. Video: Gustav Set to Batter Cuba, Enter Gulf of Mexico AssociatedPress Gustav threatens Caymans after swamping Jamaica The Associated Press KIII TV3 - AFP - Voice of America - AccuWeather.com all 5,361 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:05:23 GMT RSS feeds Increased Web Site Traffic

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Parenting Your Teenager: What Parents Say About Teens

What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More

To Test or Not To Test - That Is the Question

Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More

Spelling Games

The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More

Some Thoughts on Counseling Goals for ADHD

What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More

Dad, Go Ahead and Cry

She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More

Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin

Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More

How Illiteracy Can Ruin Your Childs Life

It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More

ADHD: Dialogue with a Non-Believer, Part Four

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

How to Parent Your Teen Effectively

Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents... Read More

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More

Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children

No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More

Old Wives Tales and Other Things That Just Might Help with ADHD

Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More

Camps for Troubled Teens: Disciplines and Wilderness

Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More

A New School Year

Depending on where you live school will be starting this... Read More

You Goofed? Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More

A Child Can Make a Difference

Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

10 Secrets To Know You?re A Good Working Parent To Your Kids!

How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More

Water! Water Everywhere!

What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More

My Sons Deployment

One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More

Top 5 Characteristics of Good Leadership to Instill in Our Home School Children

I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More

Single Parenting: How The Challenge Of Single Parenting Affects Your Decision To Divorce

Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More

Parents ? The No Child Left Behind Law Wont Do Much For Your Child

Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Self-Decorating or Self-Harm - How to Tell the Difference

Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More