Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called me today and told me a very troubling story. She told me on a T.V. news program she heard of a mother who was driving with her four year old child. The mother became angry with her child and couldn't cope anymore with her child's misbehaving. Finally the mother abruptly braked, stopping the car on a busy highway. She pulled over to the side of the highway, opened the door and pushed her child out of the car, slammed the door and just drove away! Luckily, someone saw this poor kid on the side of the highway, stopped and spoke to the child, had the police come by and the mother was eventually found. Unbelievable ? dropping your child off on a busy highway because you can't cope with a four year old's misbehaving or with your own anger!

Anger is feeling irked, annoyed, furious, impatient, irritated, frustrated and disgusted. There is nothing wrong with the feeling of anger. Feeling and expressing your anger is healthy for everyone. What is not appropriate is taking your anger out on someone else. Hitting, yelling, and belittling are not the answers for expressing your anger.

Parents are understandably older, bigger, more powerful and stronger than their child. Even with all this clout on the parent's side, parents are uncomfortable with their child's behavior and become angry toward their child. Children are petrified of their parent's anger. If you ask anyone what is their one worse memory of anger, it will most probably relate to their parent's anger either towards each other or to their child. When a child hears loud voices, a certain tone of voice, and hears his parents fighting, it plays havoc with him because his parents' relationship is the foundation of his existence. Parents are an irreplaceable figure in the lives of their children. The thought of not having a family life leaves a child believing he will be all alone on this earth. He wonders what will happen to him? Scary stuff for a child to contemplate.

Four-year-old Beth had frequent bouts of temper tantrums, dawling, rudeness, and just loved to tease her younger brother Ken. Beth's parents were becoming fed-up and angry with Beth because no matter what they did, Beth continued being a hands-full. Beth's parents found themselves nagging, scolding, punishing and finally spanking Beth every time she acted up. They started to feel guilty. Beth's parents knew there had to be a better way to overcome their anger, as well as to guide Beth to more emotionally acceptable behavior, but didn't know what to do. They noticed that the more aggressive their behavior toward Beth, only increased exactly the behavior they wanted to discourage. They saw that their punishment really had virtually no corrective value.

Beth's parents needed some beneficial strategies that would allow their feeling of anger. They needed a demonstration to their child on ways of overcoming their anger. It's simple: children learn by imitating. Every child watches and learns from his mother and father. Beth also needed a way to be encouraged to express her anger constructively, not disruptively. Allowing your child to express their anger, to say what's on their minds is a healthy way to connect with your child. Your child's verbal expression of anger is allowing you to know that your child feels safe enough to express an uncomfortable thought.

Many parents know that time-out, being grounded, loss of privilege, and disappointment expressed are far more effective forms of punishment than hitting or belittling. In these cases, a child learns that they are still OK people even thought their actions and behaviors were not. The next time you feel angry, try one, or all, of the following:

Step 1: Physical Exercise to Exhaustion Activity

When you're angry, take your child outdoors and take a brisk walk. Tell your child that you are working off your anger. Keep walking until you start to feel calmer and in control. Or you can try jogging, lifting weights, or walking up and down a flight of stairs until you feel exhausted. These forms of exercise always calm everyone down.

Step 2: The Closed Door Gigantic Bear Activity

Tell your child that you are angry and need to let it out. Go into a room; don't invite your child in, just tell your child to wait outside the door. Close the door and pretend you are a gigantic bear! Grunt, groan, stomp around and let it all out! This episode sounds funny, but it allows your anger to come out in a non-threatening way. You may hear a fit of giggles on the other side of the door, as your child will think this sounds very funny. You need to vent and let that anger out.

Step 3: Angry Letter Time

When you become angry, bring your child to a table with two pencils, two envelopes, and some paper. Tell your child that you are writing your anger away. Give your child a pencil (or crayon) and paper. Encourage your child to start writing or drawing. Start writing your "anger letter" (just write, don't speak), by placing on paper what it is about your child that makes you so angry, what they did or didn't do. After you finish, put the letter in an envelope unsealed. When you feel angry again, open and read it. Add how you are feeling to the end of it. After you no longer need to look at the letter, dispose of the letter with a ceremony. Make a meaningful occasion out of the disposal. This gesture allows your child to understand that anger can be expressed, placed on paper, and not by physically hurting another person by spanking or yelling.

Step 4: Anger Role Play

Go into a room alone and place two seats facing each other. Imagine your child sitting in the other seat. (Don't invite your child to this activity!) Tell your imaginary child how angry you are with him/her. Then move to the empty chair and speak as he/she would speak to you. Them jump back to your chair and discredit your child's argument or logic. Tear it to shreds! Go back and forth, playing yourself and your child as long as you need to. You can share this Anger Role Play with your child once you vent all your anger out and can demonstrate how effective this technique is to expressing anger and feeling refreshed by its outcome.

Remember, feeling and expressing your anger in a non-threatening way is healthy for everyone.

Linda Milo, aka The Parent-Child Connection Coach, has a simple philosophy: "Raising healthy children takes more than the right expectations, or knowing appropriate ways of disciplining or rewarding your child. Parenting children is also a deeply emotional experience that requires you, the parent, to maintain an awareness of your own needs". For a FREE consultation on having a healthy and trusting relationship with your child in 90 days, guaranteed, go to: http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com or e-mail Linda at: linda@empoweringparentsnow.com.

In The News:

---

Google News Updated : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 02:08:49 GMT Veteran Financiers to Head Fannie, Freddie - Washington Post Times Online Veteran Financiers to Head Fannie, Freddie Washington Post - 22 minutes ago By Thomas Heath and Dina ElBoghdady The new chief executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have long histories in the financial services industry. Video: Feds Take Over Mortgage Giants AssociatedPress FDIC to help small banks with Fannie, Freddie exposure MarketWatch Reuters - New York Times - Forbes - CNNMoney.com all 5,434 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:46:18 GMT Health Highlights: Sept. 6, 2008 - Washington Post TheMedGuru Health Highlights: Sept. 6, 2008 Washington Post - 9 hours ago On the heels of the huge nationwide salmonella outbreak that caused more than 1400 illnesses from Mexican peppers, a regional Oregon alfalfa sprout distributor has recalled its product in Oregon and Washington state after the sprouts were linked to 13 ... Salmonellosis outbreak prompts sprout recall Forbes Salmonella outbreak traced to alfalfa sprouts Seattle Post Intelligencer Seattle Times - eFluxMedia - TheMedGuru - HeraldNet all 81 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:31:13 GMT Patriots overcome injury to Brady, top Chiefs - Sports Network CBC.ca Patriots overcome injury to Brady, top Chiefs Sports Network - 53 minutes ago Foxboro, MA (Sports Network) - Randy Moss had six receptions for 116 yards and a touchdown as New England overcame an early injury to quarterback Tom Brady to escape Kansas City, 17-10, in the season-opener for both clubs at Gillette Stadium. Patriots QB Brady out of opener vs. Chiefs The Associated Press Cassel comes through for Patriots Boston Globe SportingNews.com - Reuters - ESPN - Newsday all 1,861 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:15:11 GMT Cage's 'Bangkok' tops worst movie weekend since 2001 - USA Today E! Online Cage's 'Bangkok' tops worst movie weekend since 2001 USA Today - 9 hours ago By Scott Bowles, USA TODAY After a record $4.2 billion in movie ticket sales this summer, the industry suffered its worst weekend in seven years, with the top movie at the box office doing less than $8 million. Video: 'Bangkok Dangerous' - Not a Safe Bet AssociatedPress Fall box office off to slow start Variety New York Times - Los Angeles Times - Reuters - New York Daily News all 261 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:23:28 GMT Populists Gain Seats in Election in Hong Kong - New York Times Radio Australia Populists Gain Seats in Election in Hong Kong New York Times - 36 minutes ago By KEITH BRADSHER HONG KONG - Chinese national pride after the Olympics and growing distress over inflation combined to produce a leftward shift in legislative elections here on Sunday. Hong Kong Democrats Retain Veto Bloc in Legislative Elections Voice of America Key wins for Hong Kong opposition BBC News AFP - Aljazeera.net - International Herald Tribune - The Associated Press all 341 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:32:36 GMT Falcons head coach: ‘Matt did a very good job’ - Atlanta Journal Constitution Canada.com Falcons head coach: ‘Matt did a very good job’ Atlanta Journal Constitution - 38 minutes ago By CARROLL ROGERS Q. How did the third play - the touchdown from Matt Ryan to Michael Jenkins - develop? New Falcons head coach Mike Smith said of Matt Ryan, ‘It was a great way to see our rookie quarterback throw his first NFL pass. In-game analysis of the Lions' loss in Atlanta Detroit Free Press Lions' poor tackling about talent, not coaching MLive.com Sports Network - The Canadian Press - DetNews.com - FanHouse all 475 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:30:18 GMT Prime Minister Chances Early Election in Canada - New York Times Prime Minister Chances Early Election in Canada New York Times - 1 hour ago By IAN AUSTEN OTTAWA - Prime Minister Stephen Harper, putting aside the date he had set by law, formally propelled Canada into a federal election campaign on Sunday. Canadian PM calls October election Financial Times With economy slow, Canada to hold early elections Christian Science Monitor United Press International - AFP - Aljazeera.net - The Associated Press all 1,873 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:06:35 GMT Automatic Blogging Add RSS Feeds to My Website