Muscle Pain And Children Do Not Mix

I am in pain. I've been in pain all day. Last night, I was in "searing pain", which is pain multiplied by pain, divided by relief, then multiplied by pain to the tenth power. In case you are not a math whiz, that equals pain with 33 zeros after it. Two days ago, I was in pain (just regular pain, no zeros). In fact, I was in pain all week.

Welcome to my humor column.

Actually, pain is not really all that funny ... unless it happens to somebody else. Oh, come on. Don't get all sanctimonious on me. Pain is the very essence of the Bugs Bunny Show. And the Three Stooges. And every sitcom that relies on personal slights and insults. Without pain to tickle the funny bone, the entertainment industry would be no bigger today than George Bush's collection of feminist literature.

Of course, pain is funny only when it happens to somebody else. It's a lot like reality TV. If it was you stranded on a desert island with a dozen other maniacs, trying to cook worms without emptying your stomach first, would you feel "entertained"?

Fortunately for the deep-pocket sponsors of reality TV, it's not really very real. As long as somebody else is enjoying their makeshift meal of gourmet slimies, it's called entertainment.

Unfortunately for me, my muscle pain is real. It's in my back. It's in my side. It hurts when I bend, twist, or make any sudden movement not approved by the FDA, the DEA, the IRS, the RCMP, the CIA or Interpol.

I did something stupid. No, I did not try a triple summersault on my snowboard in the Rockies. Unfortunately, it was not that stupid. But I did pick up 37-pound Little Lady to place her in her high chair. And I did use just one arm, off to the side, while fiddling with the high chair straps.

I was keenly aware of the exact moment that God said, "It's about time you learn a lesson about physics and biology and all those other subjects you so smugly weaseled your way out of in high school." Ouch.

Parents of young children deserve immunity against muscle pain. A young child should be a "get out of pain free" card. You get to go directly to health, do not pass the hospital, do not pay $200.

Why special treatment for parents of young children? Because they never get the chance to fully recuperate.

Children demand 100 times more physical interaction than adults. And guess what? They want it at their level ... which means bending over. Ouch.

Children are unpredictable, which means they might suddenly grab your leg with enough energy to fell an oak. Since there is rarely an oak in your living room, your leg falls with you attached. Or you react to keep yourself from falling ... which means twisting. Ouch.

Did I mention that kids want to play a lot? Running. Dancing. Chasing. Throwing. Rolling on the floor. Can you resist? Of course you can. "Catch, daddy." Oops, I forgot. Ouch.

OK, how about playing something calm. I sat Little Lady in her high chair (without twisting this time) and placed some Play Dough in front of her. "Please, please, please stop dropping chunks on the floor where I have to bend reeeeeeeally low to pick them up." Ouch.

A parent of a young child simply does not have the opportunity to heal. He just keeps re-injuring himself over and over and over and over.

So if you notice my columns growing less funny and more painful, please don't laugh. It's my pain, and it is real.

About The Author

The author is David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, publisher of Your Daily Dose of Happiness at http://TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html. Read more personal growth articles in his Self-actualization Resource Center at http://TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html, or visit his home page at http://thehappyguy.com.

info@thehappyguy.com

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:49:35 GMT Bush: US authority able to solve financial crisis - People's Daily Online Telegraph.co.uk Bush: US authority able to solve financial crisis People's Daily Online - 1 hour ago US President George W. Bush arrives in the Rose Garden at the White House to makes a statement on the economy in Washington, October 10, 2008. President Bush vows action on financial crisis Los Angeles Times Bush's Lullaby to the Markets Washington Post Birmingham Star - Wall Street Journal - CNN - Bloomberg all 1,302 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:12:49 GMT Genomics project unites four Wisconsin research institutions - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Genomics project unites four Wisconsin research institutions Milwaukee Journal Sentinel - 19 minutes ago By KATHLEEN GALLAGHER Wisconsin’s four biggest academic research institutions will collaborate on an initiative aimed at giving the state national stature in the fast-emerging field of individualized medicine, Gov. Marshfield Clinic gets biggest donation yet Chicago Tribune Wis. governor unveils gene research triangle Forbes Bizjournals.com - GenomeWeb News (subscription) - WJFW-TV - WISN.com all 51 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:29:44 GMT Democrats Are Gaining, Registration Data Shows - New York Times Los Angeles Times Democrats Are Gaining, Registration Data Shows New York Times - 2 hours ago By NICHOLAS CONFESSORE and GRIFF PALMER Some longtime Republican strongholds in New York are becoming increasingly Democratic, a striking change driven by demographic shifts, intense voter registration drives by Democrats and allied groups and sagging ... Campus registration drives in full swing KARE Ott, Hook face off for open county office St. Joseph News-Press The News-Press - Winston-Salem Journal - Tampabay.com - Beaufort Gazette all 739 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 03:20:33 GMT G-7 Commit to `All Necessary Steps' to Stem Global Meltdown - Bloomberg Voice of America G-7 Commit to `All Necessary Steps' to Stem Global Meltdown Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Simon Kennedy Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- Group of Seven finance chiefs, meeting after stocks plunged and as a global recession looms, vowed to prevent the failure of vital banks while failing to unveil new initiatives for thawing credit markets. Group of 7 Nations Seek Coordination in Rescue New York Times In latest bold step, Treasury will buy bank stakes The Miami Herald CNNMoney.com - The Associated Press - Boston Globe - FN Arena News all 890 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:03:42 GMT McCain Lauds and Attacks Obama in Same Day - New York Times CBS News McCain Lauds and Attacks Obama in Same Day New York Times - 41 minutes ago Senator John McCain of Arizona and his supporters at a rally on Friday in La Crosse, Wis. By ELISABETH BUMILLER LAKEVILLE, Minn. - After a week of trying to portray Senator Barack Obama as a friend of terrorists who would drive the country into ... McCain Moves to Soften the Tone at Rallies Washington Post John McCain, speaking to supporters, tries to defuse an anti ... Los Angeles Times Reuters - DetNews.com - Austin American-Statesman - The Miami Herald all 304 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:08:14 GMT US Near Changing Stance on North Korea as Terrorist - Wall Street Journal BBC News US Near Changing Stance on North Korea as Terrorist Wall Street Journal - 1 hour ago By JAY SOLOMON WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration is hoping to announce as soon as Saturday that it is tentatively removing North Korea from its list of state sponsors of terrorism, in a bid to kick-start a stalled nuclear disarmament agreement, ... AP: US to remove North Korea from terror blacklist The Associated Press US May Remove North Korea From Terrorism List, AP Reports Bloomberg Los Angeles Times - Voice of America - Financial Times - The Miami Herald all 1,714 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:02:40 GMT Paulson Indicates Need to Purchase Bank Equity `Soon as We Can' - Bloomberg Telegraph.co.uk Paulson Indicates Need to Purchase Bank Equity `Soon as We Can' Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By John Brinsley and Rebecca Christie Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson indicated that pumping government funds into banks is a priority and said financial markets will remain volatile. US planning to buy equity in financial institutions Reuters Treasury Weighs Investing In Banks Washington Post International Herald Tribune - MarketWatch - CNNMoney.com - Bizjournals.com all 1,783 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:21:05 GMT Make Money With Affiliate Data Feeds Amazon Associate Software

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Math Facts - Try Some Fun Ways to Learn Them

Memorizing math facts is a necessary part of elementary school.... Read More

The Twenty-First Century Parent

John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large... Read More

Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Responding to a Poor Progress Report in School

Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More

Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns

Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More

Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More

Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More

Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula's last child had just gone off to college and... Read More

To Clean or Not To Clean

Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More

Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it Tourettes Syndrome?

During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More

What Is Homeschooling And How Do I know If Its Right For My Family?

Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More

A Mothers Way

Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More

Teaching Respect And Values In Todays Society

The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More

25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children (Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)

In my opinion, these things matter...1. Enjoying childlike delights before... Read More

Picky Eaters - The Dawn of Understanding

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What Do We Mean by Attention Anyway?

When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More

Four Tips For Alleviating Back To School Anxiety

Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More

Shopping with Children

Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More

Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence

The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More

Theres Never a Bad Time To Start Helping To Spread The Word of God

Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More

Back to School; Time to Recharge

The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

Keeping the Stress out of Single Parenting

Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More

Facing the Homeschool Super Mom

I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus... Read More