Help! My Kids Dont Listen to Me

Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to you when you wanted them to? This is one of the most common issues that parents bring to me seeking help and support. Parents tell me that instead of listening to them, their kids sometimes ignore them, walk away, don't do what they are told, laugh at them, turn up the radio or TV, talk back to them or give them the silent treatment. Parents say that they feel tired, frustrated, upset and at times at their wits end. By the time they come to me they have tried everything without success. So what else is there to do?

Let's start from the beginning. Parents ask me to fix their kids so that their kids will listen to them. What we talk about in our initial conversation is something very, very different than fixing their kids. Something parents do not expect. I am going to share with you here a piece of this big, huge, enormous, gigantic, colossal difference. To prepare, sit comfortably, close your eyes, take a deep breath and get ready for it. Here it comes: we cannot fix (i.e., we cannot change) anyone but ourselves. You might be thinking right now: What? Is she crazy, out of her mind? Does she believe in no discipline and no boundaries with kids? Who is going to raise my kids if it is not me? This woman has lost it. I better stop reading because her illness might be contagious!

Having worked with parents, kids, teachers, administrators, psychiatrists, school specialists, etc., for almost ten years, I lose count of the times that kids were coerced to listen to adults and/or were supposedly being "fixed" so they would listen to adults - unsuccessfully. Why is that? I think that in my work with hundreds of kids I have discovered a vital link.

Kids won't really listen to an adult until they feel that that adult fully listens to them. They don't need to be fixed. What they need is to be intently listened to and truly heard. If we try to make them listen to us by raising our voice, giving them a look, coercing them, punishing them, feeling hurt by their behavior, feeling angry at them, etc., the last thing that we do is to listen to them. It is quite obvious - we can't even think about listening to them when the situation has gotten us in so much turmoil.

I propose that we come from a different place when being around kids that don't listen to us. Make an effort to listen to them first in a focused and understanding way. When we do that, we create an inviting environment where they feel welcomed and understood. By giving them our undivided attention as we listen to what they say, we are modeling the listening behavior we want from them. It becomes "do as I do" and not just "do as I say."

Think back to when you were a kid. If your parents and other adults in your life had really listened to you, how would that have influenced your life? The good news is that it is within your power to give that to your own kids!

I encourage you to listen to your kids intently and understandingly and see what happens. I would love to hear your success stories and comments. Please email me at orly@ourextraordinarykids.com or for more information visit www.ourextraordinarykids.com

Why are some kids and teens self-confident and self-reliant and others are not? Orly Szerman is a published author, teacher and confidence coach. If you want to further develop your parent success and raise self-confident and self-reliant kids and teens, visit her website, http://www.ourextraordinarykids.com

Orly Szerman M.S., has been working with parents, kids, teens, families and couples for almost ten years as a therapist, certified parent coach, teacher and family advocate. She is the founder and president of Our Extraordinary Kids and a faculty member of Parent as Coach Academy. Orly created and designed innovative parent programs for STAR Education, which was selected as a model program by the White House and the U.S. Department of Education. She specializes in helping parents raise self-confident and self-reliant kids and teens. If you want to further develop your parent success and raise self-confident and self-reliant kids & teens visit her website http://www.ourextraordinarykids.com or email her at orly@ourextraordinarykids.com

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:25:40 GMT Aid agencies scramble to help flood victims - CNN CBC.ca Aid agencies scramble to help flood victims CNN - 39 minutes ago (CNN) -- The grinding misery triggered by the massive floods in a downtrodden part of northeastern India and across the border in Nepal persisted Friday, with government and aid agencies swinging into action to help the 2 million-plus people fleeing ... India: Up to 2000 feared dead in Bihar floods guardian.co.uk Millions displaced in Bihar floods PRESS TV Reuters India - CNN International - New York Times all 551 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:45:57 GMT US Economy: Spending Slows, Inflation Accelerates (Update1) - Bloomberg Washington Post US Economy: Spending Slows, Inflation Accelerates (Update1) Bloomberg - 6 hours ago By Shobhana Chandra Aug. 29 (Bloomberg) -- US consumer spending grew at a slower pace in July as the impact of the tax rebates faded and a pickup in inflation eroded Americans' buying power. Bonds fall on mixed economic reports CNNMoney.com Consumer spending flags, but confidence rises Reuters Wall Street Journal - New York Times - MarketWatch - AHN all 520 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:25:06 GMT Boeing union leaders recommend strike - MarketWatch Washington Post Boeing union leaders recommend strike MarketWatch - 1 hour ago By MarketWatch Leaders of the International Machinists and Aerospace Workers on Friday rejected Boeing's third and final contract proposal and recommended its workers vote to go on strike. Union Leaders Reject Boeing Contract Offer Wall Street Journal Boeing Union Urges Workers to Reject Offer, Setting Up Strike Bloomberg Bizjournals.com - guardian.co.uk - The Associated Press - TheStreet.com all 1,041 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:15:15 GMT Obama’s Plane Palin Problem - FOXNews BBC News Obama’s Plane Palin Problem FOXNews - 2 hours ago by Major Garrett Reporters covering Barack Obama heard the news aboard Obama 1 (the campaign for the first time chartered a second plane for the swelling press corps), just before takeoff. Video: Raw Video: Schwarzenegger Praises Palin kcratv “Tougher in Alaska” host Geo Beach discusses Sarah Palin Christian Science Monitor CBS News - Chicago Tribune - The Star-Ledger - NJ.com - Seattle Post Intelligencer all 5,468 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:07:29 GMT Protests Rise in Thailand In Challenge to Regime - Wall Street Journal GulfNews Protests Rise in Thailand In Challenge to Regime Wall Street Journal - 1 hour ago By JAMES HOOKWAY and STEPHEN WRIGHT BANGKOK -- Waves of antigovernment protests spread beyond Thailand's capital Friday as clashes between police and demonstrators intensified, forcing the closure of several regional airports and disrupting rail ... Thai protest alliance not so happy with democracy The Associated Press US asks Thailand to end crisis through democratic means AFP New York Times - BBC News - guardian.co.uk - Reuters all 2,421 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:33:23 GMT Microwave baby killer convicted - BBC News BBC News Microwave baby killer convicted BBC News - 3 hours ago A US court in Dayton, Ohio, has convicted a mother of murdering her one-month-old daughter by burning her to death in a microwave oven. Video: Prosecutor: Ohio Mom Killed Baby in Microwave AssociatedPress US jury convicts mom in microwaved-baby case International Herald Tribune ToTheCenter.com - WZTV - NBC6.net - Dayton Daily News all 689 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:30:22 GMT Earwax: Too Much of a Good Thing? - WebMD eFluxMedia Earwax: Too Much of a Good Thing? WebMD - 5 hours ago By Kelley Colihan Aug. 29, 2008 -- The body is a miraculous mechanism. Consider the once-lowly earwax. People used to try to remove it. Leave That Ear Wax Alone Washington Post National Guideline Against Ear Poking eFluxMedia MSNBC - RedOrbit - MedPage Today - eMaxHealth.com all 36 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:32:14 GMT RSS to Blog Display RSS Feeds on Your Website

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More

5 Tips For Talking To Your Children About What They See In The News

Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More

Words of Wisdom for Single Parents

The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More

From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids

How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More

The Theme from MASH - Suicide is Not Painless

The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More

Girls Gone Mild

Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part two

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

Why Fathers Are Such a Necessary Component in the Raising of Their Children.

The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More

Parents of Teens: Do You Ever Ask WHY is she so MEAN to me?

Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk

Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More

Saying No To Our Children

Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More

Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Teach Values to Your Kids

In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More

What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood

Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus.... Read More

Do You Have the Loving Relationship With Your Children That You Desire?

Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More

Partnering With Your Daycare or Preschool

For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More

ADHD: Dialogue with a Non-Believer, Part Four

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: Training Your Child for Success

This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More

?Gimme? Proof Your Kids: How To Keep Your Child?s Materialism In Check

It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More

Teach Your Children - Without Them Knowing They Are Learning!

The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More

Unique Baby Names

What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More

What Makes a Good Evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More

Adderall and Its Side-Effects

Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More