Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting

I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.

At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.

Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.

I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.

Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.

It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"

Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.

Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.

Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."

I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.

I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.

The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.

The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.

Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.

Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com

---

Google News Updated : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:55:15 GMT Obama mixes holiday and politics in Montana - Reuters Boston Globe Obama mixes holiday and politics in Montana Reuters - 4 hours ago By John Whitesides, Political Correspondent BUTTE, Montana (Reuters) - Democrat Barack Obama mixed presidential politics with parades and barbecue on Independence Day on Friday, celebrating his daughter's birthday with a picnic and fireworks in Montana ... Play of the Day: Malia Obama's "best birthday" The Associated Press On the Road: Montana Outtakes New York Times FOXNews - Los Angeles Times - Washington Post - New York Daily News all 755 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:13:58 GMT California's priority wildfire in check -- for now - Reuters AFP California's priority wildfire in check -- for now Reuters - 2 hours ago By Jim Christie SAN FRANCISCO, July 5 (Reuters) - Firefighters in California have fended off a blaze threatening more than 3000 homes in and around the coastal town of Goleta and are turning their attention to preventing its spread toward the nearby ... Video: Wind Keeps California Wildfires Raging AssociatedPress California's Wildfires Have Scorched 527000 Acres (Update3) Bloomberg Los Angeles Times - AFP - NECN - San Francisco Chronicle all 910 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:04:28 GMT France's Sarkozy Questions If ECB Rate Increase `Reasonable' - Bloomberg France's Sarkozy Questions If ECB Rate Increase `Reasonable' Bloomberg - 6 hours ago By Simon Kennedy July 5 (Bloomberg) -- French President Nicolas Sarkozy recommenced his criticism of the European Central Bank today, asking it was ``reasonable'' for it to have raised the region's key interest rate this past week. Fighting Inflation, Europeans Raise Rate New York Times Euro flat after post-ECB dip MarketWatch istockAnalyst.com - Reuters - Forbes - Wall Street Journal all 1,857 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:50:48 GMT A Side Competition in Beijing: Island vs. Mainland - New York Times CTV.ca A Side Competition in Beijing: Island vs. Mainland New York Times - 8 hours ago The Taiwanese Olympic table tennis team practicing at Kaohsiung. Taiwanese players have hopes of winning medals next month in a sport China has dominated. Taiwan media, business people welcome charter flights, mainland ... Xinhua South Africa: Country Should Take Heed of Taiwan's Errors AllAfrica.com Monsters and Critics.com - International Herald Tribune - Wall Street Journal - BBC News all 883 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 16:16:20 GMT Argentine Lower House Passes Grain Export-Tax Plan (Update3) - Bloomberg Aljazeera.net Argentine Lower House Passes Grain Export-Tax Plan (Update3) Bloomberg - 2 hours ago By Eliana Raszewski July 5 (Bloomberg) -- Argentina's lower house of congress approved the government's plan to increase taxes on exports of grains and oilseeds, risking a resumption of three months of strikes by farmers. Export Tax That Angers Farmers Advances in Argentina New York Times Argentina lawmakers approve farm export tax hike guardian.co.uk Voice of America - AFP - BBC News - The Associated Press all 138 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:41:30 GMT SAfrica's Mbeki meets Zimbabwe's Mugabe - Reuters SAfrica's Mbeki meets Zimbabwe's Mugabe Reuters - 1 hour ago By MacDonald Dzirutwe HARARE, July 5 (Reuters) - South African President Thabo Mbeki met Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe on Saturday to try to help end a political crisis after a violent election that extended Mugabe's 28-year rule. Germany's Merkel hopes for African leaders' support on Zimbabwe ... International Herald Tribune South African president arrives in Zimbabwe Xinhua Voice of America - guardian.co.uk - AFP - The Associated Press all 5,770 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:04:03 GMT Jesse Helms, former senator, conservative icon, dies - Newsday Wall Street Journal Jesse Helms, former senator, conservative icon, dies Newsday - 2 hours ago Jesse Helms, the former five-term US senator from North Carolina whose relish for thwarting initiatives he opposed as too liberal earned him the nickname "Senator No," died Friday at age 86. Video: A Look Back At Jesse Helms CBS NC Senator's Hard-Line Conservatism Helped Craft Republican Social ... Washington Post Wall Street Journal - San Jose Mercury News - Boston Globe - Dallas Morning News all 2,466 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:58:21 GMT RSS to HTML Increased Web Site Traffic

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Guide To Choosing Educational Toys For Children

In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More

Americas Public School System --- Brutal and Spartan

The public school system in America has become a dismal... Read More

Surviving as a Single Parent

Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More

15 Ways to Help Kids Like Themselves

1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

Sharing Books with Children

One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More

Personal Responsibility: What It Means and Whose Job is It?

"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More

Homeschooling --- A Superior Education For Your Child

Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More

Top 20 Items To Pack In A Diaper Bag

1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More

Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child?

Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More

Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood

Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More

5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math

Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More

Sibling Fighting - Reduce Sibling Rivalry by NOT Keeping Score

Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More

Teach Your Children How To Resolve Conflict Without Using Anger Or Power

Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is... Read More

Teaching Reading: Part One

One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More

The ABCs of Raising Twins

As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More

Valuable Parenting Tip

Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More

Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More

Crazy Colors Fun Kid Experiment as a Party Activity

Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More

Guilty of Not Following Her Heart

Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More

Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children

"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More

Teach Your Kids to Cook Well, Eliminating Excessive Health Care Needs in the Future

We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that... Read More

Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!

Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More