10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that a child will bring to your life - nothing is quite the same again. If you are an expectant father (or even mother) or just considering the prospect of parenthood, do the following 10-step program so you can learn what you're in for.
1. Go to the nearest doctor's surgery, pharmacy, clothes store, shoe store or sports store and empty your wallet onto the counter. This will be a regular occurrence well into the next millennium. The method of transaction may change but the continuous action of handing over your money will not.
2. Set your alarm for midnight, then every hour after that. Get up and walk to the furthest bedroom because that is what you will do at some stage, either to feed a baby or return a night-stalker to his room. Let your workmates see you with sleep deprivation - they will get used to it.
3. Put on your best clothes, mash a banana with custard and pour the contents over yourself. Smear it in. This will help your prepare for feeding time with a toddler. Don't bother smearing food over your old or worn-out clothes because kids won't spill anything on them. They know when you're wearing your best oufit before they strike.
4. Arrange a simple outing. Perhaps to have a quick drink with a friend. Give yourself two hours to prepare. Make sure you dress yourself in five minutes so you can spend the rest of the time packing the car. Make sure you pack food. Go out to the car and come back. Repeat this process again and again. Then drive round the block and return. You need to get used to forgetting some object such a child's favourite blanket or teddy.
5. Grab a book, sit down and open it. Make sure you get to an absorbing or exciting part, then get up to do part of a jigsaw puzzle, or turn on the tap for a child who wants a drink, or put together a 1000-piece Lego pirate ship. Return to your book but don't read any further. Go into the kitchen and chop up an orange or an apple for snack food. Go back to your book but don't read any further. Get up and yell something about not fighting because you're trying to relax.
6. Stand in front of the mirror and verbally abuse yourself. Tell yourself that you are silly, that you are unfair and that you really hate yourself. Your kids will tell you if you won't.
7. Cover your hands with jam and wander through the house, touching as many items of furniture as possible. Rub your hands along the walls. Turn on the TV and push the channel buttons a few times. Step in puddles then come inside and walk over your best chairs.
8. Bring in a load of tools and tip them over the middle of the living room floor. Leave them there all day.
9. Take three untrained puppies shopping with you - but not on a lead. Buy what you need without letting them out of your sight.
10. Put a snake on your lap next time you phone a friend. This is what your child as a two year-old will feel like whenever you make a call. Next time you want to make a call, wait two hours before picking up the phone. This is the average length of a teenager's phone conversation. Get used to it because that is how long you will have to wait to make your own call.
For further information to help you enjoy the parenting journey read Great Ideas for Tired Parents by Michael Grose available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au.
Michael Grose is leading parent educator and author of six books.
For great ideas to help you raise happy, confident kids visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au, and subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's quality email newsletter. Take a free online parenting course and any of Michael's informative articles
 Google News Updated : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 20:07:30 GMT Rosetta spacecraft takes asteroid photos - United Press International
United Press International - PARIS, Sept. 6 (UPI) -- The Rosetta spacecraft has captured images of an asteroid in orbit more than 220 million miles from Earth, a European Space Agency official says. European space probe completes asteroid fly by Spacecraft flies by remote asteroid, camera stops Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:33:25 GMT Mozilla updates Firefox 3.1 with Alpha 2 build - Computerworld
Computerworld - By Gregg Keizer September 6, 2008 (Computerworld) Mozilla Corp. on Friday launched the second alpha of Firefox 3.1, adding new video support and boosting the speed of some JavaScript computations. Chrome's JavaScript challenge to Silverlight NetSuite Says Chrome-optimized Apps Are Flying Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:15:17 GMT Obama and McCain to Make Joint Sept. 11 Visit to Ground Zero - Washington Post
Washington Post - By Michael D. Shear COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- John McCain and Barack Obama announced today that they will visit Ground Zero in New York on Thursday to mark the seventh anniversary of the 9-11 attacks that brought down the Twin Towers. McCain's new cast of thousands, all unknown Liking McCain pick, but not McCain Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 17:48:49 GMT Stunner - Alex Smith listed as doubtful - San Francisco Chronicle San Francisco Chronicle - The 49ers just called and said quarterback Alex Smith is "doubtful" for tomorrow's season-opener against the visiting Cardinals. 49ers QB Smith doubtful for Sunday Alex Smith injures shoulder, doubtful for Sunday Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:20:25 GMT Rejuvenated Federer Overpowers Djokovic to Reach Final - New York Times
New York Times - By LIZ ROBBINS Roger Federer was acing like old times - up the middle, out wide, serving up even more frustration for the snarling Novak Djokovic. Federer tames Djokovic to reach final Federer rolls into another US Open final Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:19:52 GMT US Jobless Rate Climbs Past 6%, Highest Since ’03 - New York Times New York Times - By LOUIS UCHITELLE The unemployment rate jumped to 6.1 percent in August, its highest level in five years, pushing the troubles of American workers to the center of the political debate as the presidential campaign enters its final weeks. Jobless rate at 5-year high Unemployment, mortgage delinquencies soar in worrisome sign for ... Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:04:03 GMT A pair of Coens might as well be one at Toronto - Reuters
Reuters - By Janet Guttsman TORONTO (Reuters) - There is a reason they are called the Coen Bros., and not Joel Coen and Ethan Coen: they might as well be one person. Pitt Rocks to Madonna The Coens’ Funny Bones Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:13:38 GMT Increased Web Site Traffic |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... You have two kids who are 14 months apart. How... Read More "There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More Moving house can be an emotional experience for adults, so... Read More Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More 1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain... Read More For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More Article based on a friend's experienceI just wanted to share... Read More I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men... Read More You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More "Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More In my opinion, these things matter...1. Enjoying childlike delights before... Read More In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
Adsense
websites
Two Means Trouble
Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?
Coping with the Stress of Moving Home and Childrens Concerns
The Value of Play
Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?
Television - The Great SATAN!
The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter
Baptisms And Alternative Ways To Hold A Naming Ceremony
Top Three Ways To Communicate With Your Child
Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting
Marriage, Divorce, and Kids
Got To, Get To ? Change The Way Your Family Thinks
A Little Love, Please?
Top Ten Things My Six Year-Old Son Has Taught Me (So Far...)
Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School
Single Parents: Give Yourselves Credit
Guide To Choosing Educational Toys For Children
What is Prenatal Intelligence?
Teaching Reading: Part One
MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part I
Defrazzle with Hug Therapy
How To Teach Your Children Self-Reliance and Potential
25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children (Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)
The Post-Holiday Blues In Stepfamilies
Diaper Bags for Dads - Papas Got a Brand New Bag
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Surprise ? Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
School Holiday Survival Guide
The school holidays are a great time for the kids,... Read More
The Metamorphosis of The Brain: Raising Your child to be a Brainiac
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
The Reticular Activating System, and its Role in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
Playground Pettiness
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it Tourettes Syndrome?
During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More
Hints on how to encourage children to read
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Summer Survival
Summer Survival The... Read More
Nights by a Pinocchio Lamp
Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More
Ten Helpful Little Tips For New Parents
The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More
Raising a Violent-Free Teen in 10 Easy Steps
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
Pipe Down!
Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More
Keeping Your Children Safe
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an In-Charge Parent
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Stop, Look, Listen! Steps to Better Parenting Communication
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder?
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
Games Of The Past Meet The Present
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Getting Through to Your Teenager
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More
Role Models for Your Teen
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens
1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More
Secrets from the Classroom: Avoiding Summer Learning Loss
In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More
Parenting |