Have We Met Before? What to Do When You Cant Remember Who Yourre Talking To

You see him from across the room. You know him, but you can't remember how you know him. Now you have a problem: you want to break the ice but your uncertainty is holding you back. Uh oh, he's heading in your direction. What do you do?!

If you've ever been in this situation before, you know how uncomfortable it can get ? especially if you really should know who the person is. What's more, it's not uncommon to evade those whom you cannot remember for the fear of embarrassment.

But your uncertainty shouldn't generate a "Please Don't Let This Person Talk To Me" attitude. That would hinder your approachability. People forget people everyday. But with the right attitude, questioning, conversational direction and communication tools, the following techniques will help you pinpoint who you're talking to without risking total embarrassment.

Attitude
Like every other skill in the world, this too starts with attitude. Don't dwell on the fact that you have no idea who the heck you're talking to. Empty your mind of distracting thoughts like, "This guy's office has been down the hall from mine for 11 years," or "How could I forget her name? She's my sister!" These self-loathing thoughts will impede you from actively listening to what people are saying, the contents of which may contain a valuable clue.

So don't feel bad when you blank on someone's name, occupation or the time when you first met. Remember: everyone's been there before. It's not the end of the world!

Iceberg Right Ahead
Here's a full-proof tool for figuring out who people are. You can't buy it at a store or find it in a Land's End Catalog. In fact, every year millions of people fail to communicate effectively because they forget to use this tool. So if you want to learn information about the person you're talking to, open up. Your ears, that is.

Listen for iceberg statements. These are key words, phrases or sentences under which 90% of the important information awaits your discovery. But be patient. And as soon as you hear that iceberg statement, follow it up with a probing question that will dive beneath the surface. In time, what you need to remember about someone will be revealed to you.

Know the Questions, Not the Answers
Let's say you're already talking to someone, but you can't remember who they are. And, you aren't comfortable admitting to your memory lapse. In this situation, the most effective technique is to ask open ended questions to encourage people to disclose who they are.

But beware! Don't get haunted by the "How Are You Ghost." He'll get you every time! Instead, ask open ended, not overly specific questions that probe for information. More often than not, your inquiry will empower them to open up and something will jar your memory.

For example, imagine that you can't remember where someone works. Simply ask her questions that allude to general scheduling like, "What's on tap for this week?" or "What projects are keeping you busy?" Another great topic that's bound to narrow down job possibilities is travel: "Any trips or travel plans coming up?"

Offer Free Information First
In a classic episode of Seinfeld, Jerry was unsure of a certain woman's name. So, during their conversation he told a story about various nicknames he had as a kid. Then he asked her if she had any nicknames. This is a great example (albeit an over exaggerated one) of how self-disclosure provides an outlet through which one party will reveal the exact same information that is so desperately needed by the other.

Therefore, if you need to know a specific fact about someone, offer your free information first. Make a reference to that which you seek to discover and follow it with an inquiry that will empower the other person to reveal the same. And because self-disclosure is reciprocal, you will hear key words and phrases that will restore your memory and rescue you from embarrassment.

Use a Third Party
Every book written on how to remember names, faces, people, etc. will tell you to introduce them to a third party. This works every time. If you can't place a person's name, position, company, family, then use your socializing skills to bring two new people together. Tell the person whose information you've misplaced, "I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Gary, we work together at Amcorp." (Before you do this, signal or whisper to Gary that you need his help with the other person's information.) Gary, being the polite conversationalist he is, will elicit an introduction and a conversation that will eventually draw out the information you need.

Now, if someone across the room catches your eye but you can't seem to remember them, third parties are perfect for pre-conversation preparation. Before approaching the pseudo-stranger, find someone else you KNOW and ask them all about your forgotten friend. With a few simple questions, you will easily gain the knowledge to become more approachable so you can connect and communicate with anybody ? even the people you forgot.

Use Props
If you've reached a point in the conversation where you don't feel comfortable admitting you forgot, can't think of any open ended questions or don't have access to a third party, there's always props. The most effective prop is someone's business card. It contains all the pertinent names, logos, websites and other visual "Ah ha's!" that will lubricate the hamster wheel known as your brain. But don't tell them you lost their card ? that's just as bad as saying you "forgot" their name. Simply request another card and quickly glace at it while you thank them and put it in your pocket.

Depending on where you are, dozens of other props are useful for jarring your memory as well: nametags, promotional items, briefcases, table tents, etc. The point is that people remember that which appeals to their visual sense three times more than the other senses. So use props when you can!

Honesty is the Best Policy
The easiest and most gracious technique for finding out how you know someone is honesty. It's always the best policy. And it's like the old saying goes: "If you're honest, you don't have to remember anything." Now obviously, the willingness to admit you've forgotten something ? or in this case, someone ? is not an easy thing to do. In fact, sometimes it's downright humiliating! But honesty is the quickest way to solve a conversational mystery. So if you don't have a problem flat-out telling people you can't remember who they are or how you know them, here's how to take one for the team.

First and foremost, DON'T say the word "forget." That will only make someone feel unimportant. It's less offensive when you use polite verbiage that downplays the idea of "forgetting" with such phrases as "Please remind me," "Could you help me with," "I'm terrible with remembering," and "It slipped my mind." People will be glad to offer the information you have misplaced in exchange for you admittance of a temporary brain poof.

I Know I Know You
The longer you interact without knowing who you're talking to, the more uncomfortable you will become. Uncertainty is a communication barrier that hinders approachability, and the only way to reduce it is to identify and extract information about people. Use the techniques of questioning, free information, third parties, props and active listening. (If all else fails, just admit that you've suffered a memory lapse!) And with practice and the right attitude, you'll never have to say "There goes what's-her-name from that thing with the guy at the place" again.

© 2005 All Rights Reserved.

Scott Ginsberg is a professional speaker, "The World's Foremost Expert on Nametags" and the author of HELLO my name is Scott and The Power of Approachability. He helps people MAXIMIZE their approachability and become UNFORGETTABLE communicators - one conversation at a time. For more information contact Front Porch Productions at http://www.hellomynameisscott.com.

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:06:59 GMT Ready, set, go! Real race gets underway - Minneapolis Star Tribune Times Online Ready, set, go! Real race gets underway Minneapolis Star Tribune - 49 minutes ago By NEWS SERVICES, Washington Post McCain has turned this election into a soap opera about Sarah Palin and her family. Is this what we need to be talking about during these … read more critical times when people are losing their jobs, their homes, ... Palin intrigues Chinese public Financial Times Annette John-Hall: Pit bull of a hockey mom leading war on diversity Philadelphia Inquirer Seattle Post Intelligencer - Telegraph.co.uk - Bloomington Pantagraph - Wall Street Journal all 785 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 13:17:06 GMT Federal Highway Fund About to Run Out of Money - New York Times ABC News Federal Highway Fund About to Run Out of Money New York Times - 18 hours ago By DAVID STOUT WASHINGTON - An important account in the federal Highway Trust Fund will run out of money this month, which could hamper completion of road and bridge construction projects across the country, Transportation Secretary Mary E. Peters said ... Highway Trust Fund Is Nearly Out of Gas Washington Post Bush reverses course, backs road fund bailout Houston Chronicle Seattle Times - Detroit Free Press - Arizona Republic - The Oregonian - OregonLive.com all 479 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:04:00 GMT Machinists Go on Strike Against Boeing - New York Times BBC News Machinists Go on Strike Against Boeing New York Times - 38 minutes ago By MICHELINE MAYNARD The union that represents machinists struck the Boeing Company early Saturday, crippling its aircraft production in the United States and potentially delaying the development of an important new plane, the Dreamliner. Contract talks fail; machinists strike Boeing Co. The Associated Press Boeing machinists walk off the job as talks fail Reuters Bloomberg - Washington Post - Monsters and Critics.com - guardian.co.uk all 2,421 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 13:28:42 GMT Electronic Arts spawns Spore -- which may be a benevolent god - Los Angeles Times Los Angeles Times Electronic Arts spawns Spore -- which may be a benevolent god Los Angeles Times - 7 hours ago Spore is one of the most-talked-about video games in years, and it was masterminded by Will Wright, the same game developer who was behind the blockbuster Sims franchise. Spore reviewed Total Gaming EA's 'Spore' Set For Earthwide Launch InformationWeek CRN - Macworld - Washington Post - BusinessWeek all 209 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 07:01:47 GMT Seinfeld ads only part of Microsoft push - United Press International Scientific American Seinfeld ads only part of Microsoft push United Press International - 1 hour ago REDMOND, Wash., Sept. 6 (UPI) -- Microsoft Corp. (NASDAQ:MSFT) says it's banking on a new US marketing campaign to fix the image problems of its Vista Windows operating system and connect with customers. Windows Vista: The OS About Nothing InformationWeek Microsoft Works to Perfect Windows Vista New York Times eFluxMedia - Macworld - CNET News - CRN all 476 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 13:01:13 GMT 'True Blood': Undead On Arrival - Washington Post Boston Globe 'True Blood': Undead On Arrival Washington Post - 10 hours ago By Tom Shales You need a very good excuse to dig up the subject of vampires yet again, and filmmaker Alan Ball seems to have one. His "True Blood" is an audacious, outrageous, playfully grisly comic drama (or dramatic comedy) in which vampirism is ... Vampire tale deserves chance to suck us in Columbus Dispatch 'Blood' lacks that dramatic HBO bite San Diego Union Tribune E! Online - The Plain Dealer - cleveland.com - eFluxMedia - Hartford Courant all 185 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 03:49:55 GMT SanDisk Shares Soar on Samsung Interest - BusinessWeek Siliconrepublic.com SanDisk Shares Soar on Samsung Interest BusinessWeek - 11 hours ago by Arik Hesseldahl Battered by a year of flagging prices for flash-memory chips and by an inability to get traction in sales of digital media devices, SanDisk (SNDK) may soon get scooped up by South Korean electronics giant Samsung Group. Samsung Weighs Buying SanDisk New York Times SanDisk Shares Surge as Samsung Considers Acquisition (Update3) Bloomberg Forbes - Financial Times - San Jose Mercury News - InternetNews.com all 385 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:28:25 GMT Blogging Software Add RSS Feeds To My Web Pages

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Flying High, Flying Far

"What me? Sell myself? You have to be joking!"This was... Read More

What I Do Is Not Who I Am... The Networking Factor

Ah, the personal touch that continues to make a big... Read More

Ten Simple Steps to More Customers with Better Networking

Networking is a great way to meet people in a... Read More

Networking in the Change Room: 5 Ways to Network Effectively While Getting Undressed

There's a time and place to network with people in... Read More

8 Ways To Develop Confidence In New Situations

Do you enjoy one-on-one networking, however, the thought of walking... Read More

Five Stumbling Blocks To Successful Networking And How To Overcome Them

The ability to connect with people is essential to success... Read More

Lesson 15 - Meeting the Prince with More Reputation than Power

The StoryBusiness has a habit of testing us as individuals... Read More

Test Your Networking Know-How

Let's test your knowledge on networking:1)The best definition of networking... Read More

The Anatomy of a Brain Cramp; The Retainer and the Lavalava - Communication

In life, you have to successfully work with people to... Read More

Did You Market Yourself Today?

"If you build a better mouse trap - the world... Read More

Small File Box With Resumes to Help Customers

I bet you have not thought about it much, but... Read More

How to Make the Most of Those First 30 Seconds

Did you just meet the most important person in your... Read More

Social Network Software

My neighbor ? a lovely man I've known, and have... Read More

Networking and Trade Shows

The most important reasons people exhibit at a trade show?... Read More

The Festive Season: Your Networking Opportunity

The festive season is a great time to sharpen and... Read More

Defining a Quality Networking Group

When it comes to quality, how do you choose the... Read More

Success Sentences to Help Combat Conversational Crappiness

Essential to your success as an effective, engaging communicator is... Read More

Unforgettable First Impressions Part 3: Time is (Not) On Your Side

You only have three seconds?Connect in under a minute?People decide... Read More

Where to Find a Cash Windfall of $10,000 - $1,000,000 - You Never Knew You Had

There is a rather famous true story called "Acres of... Read More

Are You Leveraging Your Business Network?

Just yesterday I received an email from a colleague telling... Read More

Build Your Business through Strategic Networking

Networking ? it's the latest business trend. Or is it?Actually,... Read More

Good Manners Mean Good Business

Good manners, good networking and good business all have the... Read More

Networking: Is Your Approach Too Self-Centered?

It's a classic mistake by networkers: their approach is focused... Read More

Joining Industry Specific Organizations Has Many Benefits

Recently, while providing an up-and-coming Virtual Assistant (VA) and small... Read More

Youve Got Personality, Use It!

For the self employed professional, nothing is more important than... Read More