Marriage Advice: What to Throw Overboard When Your Marriage Is In Trouble
When your marriage is in trouble and you're fighting to keep it afloat, it's time to throw anything that isn't helping you overboard. You need all your wits about you to be able to handle the crisis and tackle the problems. Anything that's an impediment or hindrance has to go.
During this time of confusion and stress, you only have a limited amount of energy and time, and you have to put those resources where they count the most. You don't have time or energy to waste if you're going to be successful in saving your marriage.
What do you need to consider throwing overboard? The following eight recommendations can help you to decide what to let go:
1. Release your need to be "right." If you're intent on winning arguments or proving that your partner is wrong, you are hurting your chances of creating a win-win situation in your marriage for you and your spouse. Does it really matter in the long run who's "right" or "wrong"? Or is it more important to create a harmonious marriage where the opinions of both partners are respected?
2. Let go of worrying about what others think or say. No marriage is perfect, and if others find out or suspect that you're having problems, don't let that concern you. If they stay married long enough, they'll eventually encounter problems, also, if they haven't already. There's a wonderful saying that I find helpful, "What you think of me is none of my business."
3. Give up preconceived notions of how you should react in certain situations. Maybe you've always said that if your partner had an affair, you'd end the marriage. But each situation is different, and there's not an across-the-board answer that fits every case. You'll want to look carefully at your particular situation and the extenuating circumstances and then make a careful decision that's right for you.
4. Throw out your demands to be in control. Life has a way of effectively teaching that you can protest all you want, but many things are out of your control and always will be. You can't control what your spouse chooses to do or if others criticize your approach to saving your marriage. You can only control your own decisions and actions.
5. Toss out the temptation to tell others all of the juicy details of what's happening or how your spouse has "done you wrong." Be discrete in who you talk to and in what you say. Later, if you stay married, it may be difficult for family and friends to feel comfortable around the two of you if you've painted your partner as a "louse." You can let others know that you're going through a hard time and need their support without divulging every detail.
6. Release your need to handle everything on your own without outside help. It just makes good sense to use resources that are available, such as counseling. The objectivity and experience of a professional counselor can help you to explore your options and make a wise decision that's right for you and your marriage. And everything will be kept private and confidential.
7. Let go of trying to make everything okay for everyone else. It's not possible to please everyone, so that's a losing battle. You can't pretend you're happy in your marriage just so your parents don't get upset, and you can't pretend everything is okay just so you don't hurt your spouse. Sometimes the chips just have to fall where they fall and that's it. Everyone else has to cope with it and adjust.
8. Give up the need to have others agree with your decision. It's certainly easier when others agree, but it's not necessary. Just because your best friend urges you to divorce due to your spouse's affair, that doesn't mean that's necessarily the best decision for you. It's your life, and you have to live with the consequences of your decisions and actions, so be sure that whatever you choose to do is what you really want.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
 Google News Updated : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:51:42 GMT The night Karadzic rocked the Madhouse - guardian.co.uk
guardian.co.uk - A man plays a gusle in a bar called Madhouse in Belgrade, where war crimes suspect Radovan Karadzic is now known to have frequented. Video: Karadzic's arrest sparks clashes - 23 Jul 08 Arrest of Radovan Karadzic: Why Now and Who's Next? Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:35:43 GMT Report: Eagles call Packers about Favre - SportingNews.com
SportingNews.com - While the Philadelphia Eagles are taking it easy with Donovan McNabb in training camp as he works his way back from a shoulder injury, that hasn't stopped them from going after some potential insurance. Winfield a Favre fan AP Source: Goodell monitoring Favre situation Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:26:08 GMT 'Dark Knight' Christian Bale's lady sidekick: Sibi Bale - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - Like the Dark Knight/Bruce Wayne, Christian Bale is a real-life man of mystery. Averse to personal publicity, he is well-known for not wanting to discuss his private life. Christian Bale, Wife "Solid" at Knight's Spain Premiere Bale attends 'Dark Knight' premiere in Spain Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:54:18 GMT Hurricane Dolly Makes Landfall in Southern Texas (Update2) - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Demian McLean July 23 (Bloomberg) -- Hurricane Dolly was downgraded to a Category 1 storm as it made landfall today in southern Texas, where coastal residents weathered their first direct hit by a hurricane in almost a decade. Video: Dolly Pummels Texas Gulf Coast Dolly forces refining cuts, hits gas output Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:36:26 GMT Bloomberg, Gates pledge $375 mln against tobacco - Reuters
Reuters - By Christine Kearney NEW YORK, July 23 (Reuters) - New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Microsoft Corp (MSFT.O: Quote, Profile, Research, Stock Buzz) co-founder Bill Gates pledged $375 million on Wednesday to fight what they called a global tobacco ... Video: Gates, Bloomberg Pool Riches to Fight Smoking Bloomberg and Gates fight smoking Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:11:25 GMT Red alert! The cellphone warning has been issued - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - Now he's done it. Dr. Ronald B. Herberman, director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute, has said what no one else would -- no cancer experts anyway. Pittsburgh Cancer Center Warns of Cell Phone Risks Cancer researcher warns about cell phone use Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:07:36 GMT Review: 'Step Brothers' - 40-year-old goobers - San Francisco Chronicle San Francisco Chronicle - Step Brothers: Comedy. Starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Directed by Adam McKay. (R. 95 minutes. At Bay Area theaters. For complete movie listings and show times, and to buy tickets for select theaters, go to sfgate. Video: The Stars of 'Step Brothers' `Step Brothers' Ferrell, Reilly reunite as duo Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:39:58 GMT Increased Website Traffic |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of... Read More Bridal accessories are as necessary to complete the bridal look,... Read More Preparing for a wedding, large or small, is overwhelming! A... Read More As a travel professional considering an exotic island wedding was... Read More Planning a wedding is hard enough without having to think... Read More There are many choices available when shopping for fine plus... Read More Deciding the menu is a pretty simple affair. Once you've... Read More Beach weddings are popular but they do present "special issues".Failing... Read More A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one... Read More The most important part of planning a wedding is setting... Read More How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges... Read More When it comes to consideration for the right wedding favor,... Read More It's safe to say that out of all the events... Read More Your wedding flowers cover all button holes, all the bouquets,... Read More You have purchased the latest bridal magazines from your local... Read More All brides want to be beautiful on their wedding day,... Read More I came across an article today: LOVE AND MARRIAGE THE... Read More Being apologetic doesn't come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate... Read More Are you a Bride-to-Be? Wonderful! Congratulations! But what's that enormous... Read More Exactly what should your disc jockey be doing in the... Read More Of all the things you need to do, buy and... Read More Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship.... Read More Being chosen as a maid of honor is a great... Read More So, you decided to opt for an outdoor wedding under... Read More Personalized wedding favors are among the most popular of gift... Read More
Adsense
websites
The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage
Bridal Accessories To Complete Your Wedding Look
You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten?
Exotic Island Wedding! Where Dreams Truly Come True in Paradise
Who Should Get A Gift At Your Wedding?
Fine Plus Size Mother Of The Bride Dresses
Organizing The Wedding Menu
The Pros & Cons of Beach Weddings
Family Law
Creating A Wedding Budget You Can Afford
Marriage Counseling Tips: 7 Ways to Handle Conflict in Marriage
Unique Wedding Favors
Planning the Music for Your Wedding Ceremony
Wedding Flower Ideas
Planning Your Wedding - How To Get Organized
How to Choose the Perfect Headpiece and Veil for Your Facial and Body Features
Which Came First, Love or Marriage?
Write An Apology To Your Spouse: How to Apologize In a Way That Really Works For You
A Wedding Theme Can Rescue Your Wedding from Being Another Ho-Hum-Boring Disaster
What Goes Into Wedding Preparation From Your DJ?
Organising your Wedding Stationery
Thoughts from Deik and Kims Wedding, for You and Your Marriage
Maid of Honor Duties
Its the Heart (and heat) of the Wedding Season - Sun & Heat Protection During an Outdoor Wedding
Personalized Wedding Favors
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Is Your Heart Set On An Antique Engagement Ring?
As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular;... Read More
Planning Your Wedding Reception
Great deals can be found when you know how much... Read More
Choosing a Wedding Date ?- When You?re Feeling Indecisive
He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in... Read More
Mexico Honeymoon Vacations
Mexico, a country rich in arts and ancient cultures and... Read More
50th Wedding Anniversary Gift Ideas
A 50th anniversary gift commemorates a milestone most married couples... Read More
How A Marriage Counseling Secret Can Save Your Marriage
How do you react if your spouse announces "I want... Read More
Getting Married? Read this 1st.
Original gift ideas for your Bridesmaids and Bestman.What better way... Read More
Wedding Music
What should you "walk down the aisle" to? Should you... Read More
Prenuptial Agreements
"Til death do us part" is still the language used... Read More
Wedding Invitation Labels and Envelopes
Computer printed labels are a time-saver, but they make the... Read More
Planning Your Outdoor Wedding Reception
An outdoor wedding reception can be host to an almost... Read More
Expert Tips on Making Your Own Wedding Stationery
Vital tips on making your own wedding invitations - by... Read More
Renewing Your Marriage Vows - On the Right Side of the Law
Movies, sitcoms and soapies made in the United States could... Read More
The Loveliest Las Vegas Wedding Reception
If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More
Mens Moissanite Wedding Rings, or Is Moissanite a Mans Best Friend?
As mens wedding rings become more and more popular mens... Read More
How to Have a Dream Wedding on a Budget
No one wants to pay more than they have to... Read More
Brad Pitt - Jennifer Aniston Marriage Undermined by Inappropriate Friendship with Angelina Jolie
Speculation continues about the break-up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer... Read More
Mindfulness and Marriage: Moving Along
Marriage has to be the greatest opportunity for mindfulness on... Read More
Your Wedding Invitation?s in the (e)Mail: Pros and Cons of the Virtual Wedding Invitation
From purchasing the garter to choosing the photographer, brides (and... Read More
A Wedding Shower Invitation Should Be Attractive And Stylish!
Wedding shower invitations should lay out all of the necessary... Read More
Wedding Day Savings
A little strategizing can go a long way when trying... Read More
Focus On What Is Important ? Your Wedding Disc Jockey Choice
Your true love got down on his knees and asked... Read More
Marriage Advice: Seven Marriage Myths You Can?t Afford to Ignore
If you're like most people, you probably entered into marriage... Read More
Jewish Wedding Traditions - The Wedding Day in a Nutshell
Many of the Jewish wedding traditions are derived from ancient... Read More
Saving Money on Your Wedding Reception Using Reception Themes
Just like weddings, receptions are often theme based as well.... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |