Are You Fully Present in Your Marriage?
"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. How true!
Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they were miles away even though they were sitting next to you? They might have appeared to be listening, but you could sense that they weren't really mentally and emotionally present in the conversation.
We all have moments when our mind wanders and we lose focus, but if this happens frequently, our relationships with others will be negatively affected. In a marriage, intimacy is enhanced by feelings of connection and harmed when partners start feeling disconnected.
When a spouse is physically present but mentally "out to lunch," the partner will feel the difference. Something important is missing, and what is missing is the spouse's full attention to the conversation or activity. Often, the distracted spouse is feeling rushed, bored, impatient, or stressed. When that happens, the natural tendency is to constantly mentally leap ahead to the next items on the "to do" list.
If this describes you, then you are missing the experience you are having right now because you are so focused on what you're gong to do next. By living in the future, you miss the present. Besides robbing yourself of the enjoyment of the current experience, you are also negatively impacting how others feel when they are around you.
"I'll make it up to him (or her) later," you may tell yourself as you rush through yet another conversation without really looking at your spouse closely or hearing what's really being said. In the mean time, the feeling of disconnection between the two of you grows and intensifies.
One of the ways you can show respect and caring for your spouse is to give the gift of undivided attention. Likewise, you show respect and caring for yourself when you value connecting deeply with others, and that can only be accomplished in the Now. One of the best presents you can give others and yourself is to practice being fully present in your life.
It takes practice and discipline to pull yourself back to the present moment when your mind jumps ahead into the future. Breaking any long-standing habit is difficult and can take weeks, even months, of practice. But the pay-off for learning to live more of your life consciously and with more awareness of the present moment is significant.
Until you can learn to listen intently and focus your total attention on the other person, you are not connecting at the deepest, most intimate level. As Mary Catherwood observes, "Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet." This is the tragedy that befalls many marriages.
Follow these five tips to be more present when you interact with your spouse:
1. Stop what you are doing and look at your partner when he/she is talking to you. This shows respect and will make it easier to keep focused.
2. When your mind wanders, gently re-direct it back to the present moment. Take a deep breath to help you stay anchored and centered.
3. Ignore stray thoughts that flit across your mind, trying to distract you. If you don't give them attention, they won't "hook" you.
4. If you are too distracted to concentrate, tell your spouse, "It's really important to me to focus on what you're saying, and I can't seem to concentrate right now. Could we schedule a time to talk later today?"
5. Keep the bigger picture in mind. You are investing time and energy into creating satisfying intimacy with your spouse. Each interaction either adds a deposit to the intimacy "piggy bank" or makes a withdrawal from it.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
 Google News Updated : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:51:44 GMT "X-Files" movie both satisfies and disappoints - Seattle Times Seattle Times - Mulder and Scully are together again in "X-Files: I Want to Believe." The story may be silly, but the agents' romance is compelling as ever. The X-Files: I Want to Believe AU Review Scully have I loved Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:01:06 GMT Dynamo top United at soggy RFK - MLS - Major League Soccer
MLS - Major League Soccer - By Charles Boehm / MLSnet.com Staff WASHINGTON -- After two aborted tries on previous dates, DCUnited and the Houston Dynamo finally completed the first of their two league meetings on Wednesday night -- and some of Thursday morning, ... Mullan, Ching power Dynamo over DC United 2-0 Dynamo outlasts United despite lengthy delay Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:07:00 GMT Pittsburgh Cancer Center Warns of Cell Phone Risks - ABC News
ABC News - By JENNIFER C. YATES and SETH BORENSTEIN AP Writers AP The head of a prominent cancer research institute issued an unprecedented warning to his faculty and staff Wednesday: Limit cell phone use because of the possible risk of cancer. Red alert! The cellphone warning has been issued Pittsburgh cancer center warns of cell phone risks Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:01:03 GMT Bashir Visits Darfur, Pledges Sudan Will Protect Relief Workers - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Paul Tighe July 24 (Bloomberg) -- Sudan's President Umar al-Bashir, indicted by the International Criminal Court for alleged war crimes in the Darfur conflict, visited the region yesterday and pledged to provide security for international relief ... Bashir returns to Darfur How Sudan Was Brought to Court Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:39:29 GMT Oklahoma determined to have a strong finish - Fort Worth Star Telegram
Fort Worth Star Telegram - By MIKE JONES "Our whole mentality now is WTLG [win the last game]," Harris said Wednesday. "Come out and finish. It’s national championship or bust. Sooner, the better Players put success on Stoops Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:03:29 GMT Powerful quake injures 92 in Japan - CNN
CNN - (CNN) -- A strong earthquake injured 92 people and destroyed 31 buildings in northern Japan on Thursday, authorities said. People at an auto dealership in Karumai, Japan, clean up glass shards after a strong earthquake Thursday. Japan's North Hit by Magnitude-6.8 Quake; 95 Injured (Update3) Powerful earthquake hits Japan, dozens injured Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:51:37 GMT Obama lavished with airtime -- and criticism - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - As the media moves to correct itself for glowing coverage of the Democrat, it's entering a period of shallow analysis. By ON THE MEDIA, JAMES RAINEY It seems like just about everybody has spent the last week beating up on the media for showering too ... Veterans group hits McCain on troop pullout 'Generation Gap' Widens in the 2008 Electorate Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:43:11 GMT RSS For Web Pages |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Bridal showers are one of many pre-wedding parties and are... Read More An ideal combination. A good career, a great husband and... Read More Just as there are a variety of wedding packages available,... Read More Buying engagement rings online doesn't have to be confusing or... Read More Just like anywhere else in America, there are a variety... Read More The typical wedding reception entertainment scheme of pretty flowers and... Read More Reading this article does not necessarily mean that if you... Read More The invitation is the first impression of the type of... Read More Are you in the process of planning that last special... Read More Thanking your wedding party with special gifts is a favored... Read More You can look fabulous at your daughter's wedding in a... Read More If your husband is faithful, you have much to be... Read More Marriage and Attraction: Relation is successful as long as there... Read More If you've always dreamed of flying in a helicopter, Las... Read More The following article can be copied but you must keep... Read More From the book Spider's Big CatchAs June wraps its arms... Read More Let's face it, not many of us have the kind... Read More It's safe to say that out of all the events... Read More Following is a list of question that, I believe, can... Read More It's your day! The most special day of your life,... Read More When it comes to placing your new diamond in a... Read More Getting hitched, taking the plunge, tying the knot, jumping the... Read More One of the biggest on-going problems for couples is how... Read More Your wedding is nine months away and you decide to... Read More Selecting a wedding gown is possibly one of the most... Read More
Adsense
websites
A Wedding Shower Checklist
The Right Age To Marry!
Planning a Maui Wedding
What You Should Know About Buying Engagement Rings Online
Choosing a Maui Wedding Package
Unique Wedding Reception Entertainment
Is Your Marriage Sinking?
Proper Etiquette for the Wedding Invitation
Lingerie Party Ideas: Tips to Help Break the Ice
Cheap Wedding Party Gifts
Searching For A Discount Mother Of The Bride Dress
Be Thankful for a Faithful Husband
Marriage Dreams When Fails!
Las Vegas Helicopter Weddings
Common Format Of A Wedding Reception
June Weddings
Writing Your Wedding Vows the Way Poets Do
Planning the Music for Your Wedding Ceremony
Women and Marital Issues According to Internet
Bridal Beauty Tips For Your Special Day
Setting a diamond - What to know.
Bridal Budget Beware
Marriage Counseling: How to Reduce Hurt Feelings When You and Your Spouse Disagree
Bridal Shop Owner Reveals Insider Secrets Every Bride Should Know
Choosing the Perfect Wedding Gown
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Wedding Speeches Made Easy: Wedding Speech or Best Mans Speech Tips
Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More
Trust in Marriage
Trust is the basis of all human relationships. Trust can... Read More
The Maid of Honor ? Remember, It?s All About the Bride!
The term and role "Maid of Honor" is sometimes confusing,... Read More
Honeymoon Registries: A Guide to Asking for Your Honeymoon as a Wedding Gift
Is the cost of your wedding putting the honeymoon of... Read More
Guide to a Growing Trend: The Green or Ecological Wedding
Does it seem like the phrases "ecology" and "wedding" could... Read More
50th Wedding Anniversary Gift Ideas
A 50th anniversary gift commemorates a milestone most married couples... Read More
Focus On What Is Important ? Your Wedding Disc Jockey Choice
Your true love got down on his knees and asked... Read More
New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages
Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps... Read More
How to Choose a Marriage Counselor
You have made the decision to contact a marriage counselor.... Read More
Were Engaged!
He's popped the question and you're dying to tell someone.... Read More
Honeymoon Destinations
Your big day is now over all the stress of... Read More
Wedding Invitatation RSVP Cards
When it comes to response/RSVP cards, the goal is to... Read More
Unique Wedding Reception Entertainment
The typical wedding reception entertainment scheme of pretty flowers and... Read More
Wedding Reception Perfection: Tips and Suggestions
Over the past years I have performed at many, many... Read More
Marriage and the Election
Dear Friends of Marriage,There is a lot of talk on... Read More
Toss a Garter or Two
The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More
After Wedding Tips - Five Tips for a Great Marriage - (That Produces The Good Feelings That Last)
Here are five seeds of a great marriage from grandmother.... Read More
Fun Dating Ideas to Spice up Your Marriage
One of the best benefits of marriage is that you... Read More
Bridal Shower Games?The Good, the Bad and the Overdone
Games can make or break a shower. The best can... Read More
Belize Honeymoon Resorts
The enchanting Belize honeymoon resorts captivate every visitor through the... Read More
Planning Your Wedding - How To Get Organized
You have purchased the latest bridal magazines from your local... Read More
Secrets to Controlling Your Man
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently... Read More
Wedding Anniversary Signature Frame ? The Perfect Anniversary Gift!
So you're having a wedding anniversary. Congratulations! It's quite a... Read More
How Optimism can Help ? or Hurt ? Your Marriage
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years... Read More
Understanding Sexuality in Marriage
Your physiological and psychological expressions of sexual behavior during the... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |