Conflict at 36,000 ft
This was supposed to be one of those sleepy flights that leaves late, crosses two time zones, and arrives at 11:00 p.m. But it wasn't.
Yes, everyone is okay. Yet the three hour delay, a night in jail for one of the passengers, and a possible lawsuit could all have been avoided.
Here's the story and the lessons we can learn from it.
The passenger sitting across the aisle from me asked for a drink of water. Apparently the attendant walked by, ignoring her request. So the passenger went to the front of the plane to obtain a drink of water. An argument followed and the passenger returned to her seat, wrapped herself in a blanket, and lay down. A second attendant approached and the passenger announced, "I've been harassed and I'm going to file a complaint." This attendant left and the first attendant came to the passenger and demanded, "What's your problem?" The passenger replied, "Leave me alone." This exchange went back and forth a few times and then the attendant said, "You're a freak. I'm going to have you taken off the plane."
After the attendant left, the passenger sat up. She faced me and said, "You're a witness. You have to tell the truth about what happened." Tears flowed down her cheeks.
We talked. In the course of our conversation I helped her calm down and I counseled her to tell the attendants that she felt fine, that she was no longer upset, and that she was sorry for anything that she might have said. I suggested that if she behaved otherwise, the attendants would use her actions as evidence against her.
When we landed in El Paso (a scheduled stop), an airline representative asked the passenger to leave the plane. The passenger was met by police on the exit ramp who took her to the police station in the airport and placed her in jail. Hours later four agents from the FBI came to interview the passenger, me (as a witness), and the attendants.
The next day the FBI released the passenger because they concluded that she was innocent. I know this because she phoned me the day after to thank me for my help.
Lesson One. This event illustrates the psychology of disrespect. When a person is treated with disrespect, they feel a loss of freedom. Loss of freedom feels like a threat, which causes fear. Most people respond to fear with anger.
In this case, both people perceived disrespect. The passenger didn't receive a drink of water and complained. The attendant didn't receive an explanation about the passenger's complaint and had the passenger removed from the plane.
Lesson Two. Sometimes disrespect starts a nasty sequence of actions. Powerful Party A treats weaker Party B with disrespect. Party B reacts by complaining or counterattacking. And then Party A punishes Party B for reacting.
People in positions of authority have an extra responsibility to apply effective, respectful communication skills. If they don't do this, they can make criminals out of innocent people. The attendant, for example, could have avoided the entire situation by using techniques that I teach in my workshop on the human side of communication.
You will find details at: http://www.stevekaye.com/workshop-communicate.htm
Lesson Three. In our relationships, we want to avoid starting situations where we must depend upon the other person to respond with greater maturity or decency that we have demonstrated.
For example, angry bosses and hostile colleagues depend upon their targets to refrain from retaliation.
Lesson Four. If you are treated with disrespect, you must avoid counterattacking. This breaks the cycle and prevents you from taking actions that could warrant punishment. In general, you want to be the most mature, most decent person in any conversation or exchange.
- - - - - - - -
IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who want to be more effective. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Call 714-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas. Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com
 Google News Updated : Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:13:38 GMT IAC Officially Breaks Up - Wall Street Journal
Wall Street Journal - By DAVID BENOIT and KATHY SHWIFF IAC is left as a collection of more than 35 Internet companies -- including search engine Ask.com, dating site Match. IAC: And Then There Were Five Diller's IAC Split May Fail to Boost Investor Returns (Update2) Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:17:40 GMT Hillary Clinton's Staff Looking to Avoid Embarrassing Anti-Obama ... - FOXNews
FOXNews - Hillary Clinton's staff is trying to avoid an embarrassing anti-Obama demonstration by her supporters during the floor vote at next week's Democratic convention in Denver. Clinton Will Attend Fund-Raiser for Towns Clinton for VP? She Says Ask the Obama Campaign Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:15:16 GMT My Super Sweet 16: The Miley Cyrus Edition - E! Online
E! Online - Miley Cyrus is about to show up all those spoiled brats on My Super Sweet 16 who think they're cool being flown to their party by helicopter or when they're carried in like a princess by a group of hot dudes. Miley Cyrus to Celebrate Turning 16 at Disneyland Miley Cyrus Sweet 16 Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:21:48 GMT Marlins let one slip away in San Francisco - Sports Network
Sports Network - San Francisco, CA (Sports Network) - Marlins reliever Kevin Gregg's wild pitch in bottom of the ninth inning scored Emmanuel Burriss to send San Francisco past Florida, 4-3, in the finale of a three-game series. Giants walk off on Gregg's wild pitch Giants beat Marlins on wild pitch in 9th inning Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:33:45 GMT GM to Invest $500 Million To Build Chevy Cruze - Wall Street Journal
Wall Street Journal - By KATHY SHWIFF General Motors Corp. will spend more than $500 million in the US to build the Chevrolet Cruze, a next-generation compact car. GM announces $500M investment for small car GM to invest $500 million in small car plant Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:10:12 GMT UPDATE 1-Microsoft enlists Seinfeld for ad campaign--source - Reuters Reuters - By Steve Gorman LOS ANGELES, Aug 21 (Reuters) - Comedian Jerry Seinfeld will star in a $300 million marketing campaign for Microsoft Corp aimed at burnishing the image of its computer operating system, a person familiar with the effort said on Thursday ... Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates to star in anti-Apple ads Seinfeld to be pitchman for Microsoft Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:27:28 GMT Microsoft's Photosynth wilts under pressure - Computerworld
Computerworld - By Gregg Keizer August 21, 2008 (Computerworld) Within hours of its launch, Microsoft Corp.'s new photo-stitching service went dark, overwhelmed by demand, the company said Thursday afternoon. New Microsoft photo site spends first day offline New Microsoft Tech Converts Photo Soup Into 3-D Image Publ.Date : Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:28:59 GMT Increase Online Traffic |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... The Comfort Zone I... Read More For many people, the terms "manager" and "leader" are synonymous.... Read More Often, collaborating documents in a team or in a business... Read More Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More Why is it imperative to have a company E-Mail Policy?... Read More Todays business environment has changed drastically from just a few... Read More Workplace diversity refers to the variety of differences between people... Read More Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More Here are seven dangers of outsourcing your software development. They... Read More As you look around your office, is everyone just like... Read More PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters... Read More "Experience is not what happens to a man; it is... Read More All maintenance activities of the workforce must be documented, this... Read More If you have the entrepreneurial spirit (which clearly you have!),... Read More I sit on the board of an organization and at... Read More Being able to communicate effectively with others requires people skills,... Read More What is document management: When we think about "Document Management"... Read More You can possibly teach a turkey to climb a tree... Read More Are you trying to hire dozens of hourly workers or... Read More One of the more ambiguous elements of a Six Sigma... Read More The study of Behavioral extension involves investigating the source of... Read More In today's competitive environment, companies realize that a good boss... Read More There is a pervasive belief that time pressure stimulates creativity.... Read More Meetings can be a total waste of time or a... Read More One Bad Apple I know what... Read More
Adsense
websites
The Comfort Zone
Are You Managing to Lead?
Collaboration: 3 Keys to Keeping Your Documents from Getting Lost in the Shuffle
Innovation Management ? does the idea fit with the firm?
Why Your Business Needs an E-Mail Policy
The Top Three Problems IT Managers Face and How to Overcome Them
Diversity in the Workplace: Benefits, Challenges and Solutions
Business Innovation ? Organizational Structure
Avoid These Seven Deadly Dangers Of Outsourcing
Diversity in the Workplace
A Leadership Lesson: Two Guys With Guns
Don?t Get Down ? Manage Up!
How To Decrease Downtime and Increase Productivity
Learning To Let Go
Managing YOUR Expectations
People Skills: Eight Essential People Skills
Document management : A dream of paperless office
Quality Staffing: Stop Placing the Wrong People in the Wrong Jobs
25 Great Ways to Find the Right People and Not Break the Bank
Compensation and Six Sigma Black Belts
Behavioral Extensions and Its Implications at Workplaces
Leadership Style: What Makes A Good Boss?
Creativity Management and Time Pressure
To Meet or Not to Meet - What are the Questions?
One Bad Apple
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Top 10 Things NOT To Tell Angel and VC Investors
I am not writing this to create a list of... Read More
Know Your Client - The First Rule of Business Coaching
Whilst the very best coaches have undertaken independently accredited training... Read More
Increasing Employee Retention Through Employee Engagement
You've seen it happen many times. An organization that provides... Read More
Telephone Techniques: Boost Your Productivity With Effective Phoning
One of the things that most impacts people's productivity is... Read More
You?re Hired, Now Go Home: Managing Workers at a Distance
Telecommuting or virtual work opens up a wider net of... Read More
Why People Resist Us
There's a one-word reason most ideas never see the light... Read More
Protect Your Organizations Proprietary Information
The other day one of our overseas clients called in... Read More
Managing Group Meetings
MANAGING SMALL MEETINGS: Keep the size of the meeting as... Read More
Ten Steps to Take the Work out of Work ? Replicate Yourself!
They say that management can be a lonely place. A... Read More
Innovation Management ? smart people dont necessarily produce great ideas
Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More
People Literacy
Every Manager has experienced the frustration of not understanding why... Read More
Meetings and Road Trips
Managing a meeting is like setting off on a long... Read More
Before You Head Off, Make Sure You Know Where You Are Going - The Importance of Clear Objectives.
The title of this article sounds like simple advice, but... Read More
Preparation: Your Companys Best Defense in Case of Catastrophe
You've hung out your shingle and are ready for business.... Read More
How Managers Can Help Retain Their Best Employees
A major problem for employers today is attracting the best... Read More
Creating A Vision ? Bringing Your Dreams Into Reality
Do you have some goals you want to achieve or... Read More
Does My Bum Look Big in This?
If a good manager asks his workforce for their opinion... Read More
Procrastination and JDI!
In a management role procrastination can seriously hold back progress... Read More
Interviewing: How to Stay Out of legal Hot Water
Some interviewers ask great questions; others ask dumb questions; and,... Read More
The Thick Line Between Buddy and Boss
Q: One of my key employees is giving me trouble.... Read More
Dialogue vs. Discussion
Have you ever sat in a meeting where everyone is... Read More
Problem Solving
When problem solving, you may recognize that you were working... Read More
What Every Manager Should Know About How to Become An Effective Executive
In his book, The Effective Executive, Peter Drucker pointed out... Read More
Innovation Management ? some ideas are better than others
Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More
Getting the Most from Appraisals
Does your organisation have one of those annual 'occasions' that... Read More
Business Management |