Exceptions To The Rule
Yesterday I turned 48, and she just turned 21. Uh-oh, I can hear the gears turning in your heads already.
She will graduate from university in England in June with a degree in psychology, and we have discussed her coming to live here with me in the States. So far she's come once, for a week, against her parents' better judgment. That's another story. I've been to see her twice, a week each time.
We are unbelievably content when we are together. It's as if we've been together all along. When I look at her, I don't see "21," I see a woman I am completely crazy about. When she holds my hand, my heart races.
At first I'm sure it was the novelty of the situation. She was enthralled with the spoilings and attention of an older man, although she's never asked me for anything. I was completely enraptured with the concept that a woman such as she would be interested in me, but it has gone past that for both of us.
Yes, it's a physical thing. The lovemaking is the most passionate I've ever experienced, but it's also become a thing of the heart. She has even mentioned (oh no!) marriage. And thus my question. Am I wrong for not being able to see this as permanent? With a 27 year age difference, how long could it realistically last?
For medical reasons, I can never give her children of her own, which is a very sore point with her parents. And for at least the next few years, she will have to deal with the social pressures of being with a man twice her age, which can be quite cruel. Acceptance on my end is not a problem. My close friends have met and like her, and she is emotionally beyond her years.
I've considered leaving things as they are. I think deep down I fear keeping her as my own will cheat her out of the best part of her youth. I am open to your comments and suggestions. I know that in the end, I (or we actually) will undoubtedly follow our hearts.
Arthur
Arthur, a short distance from our house is a roadway with a curve. It's a very mild curve. The road jogs a few feet to the left and then jogs a few feet back to the right. It's such a gentle curve it's hard to imagine it could ever be a problem. That's what the parents of the 20-year-old college student who died there must be thinking.
The accident happened at 11 o'clock in the morning, no drinking or excessive speed involved. Their son just missed the curve and hit a tree.
We cannot live our lives based on actuarial tables. Those tables describe the behavior of great masses of people, but they are a poor guide for individuals. Nonetheless, there are serious issues for the two of you to consider. Roll them around, look at them, turn them over. Love may lead you in either direction.
She is on the cusp of adulthood. You are more than a generation apart, and age difference will be a factor for her the entire time you are together. If having children with her husband is an imperative, this relationship can't succeed. If her parents' approval is an absolute requirement, that is another barrier.
Give yourself enough time to see if the novelty wears off. You have been with each other only a short period. See if the love grows and builds and if issues are resolved.
Most people who marry are close in age, and half of American marriages end in divorce. Age does not make or break a relationship. Love makes or breaks a relationship.
Actuarially speaking, the odds are against you, but actuarial tables are not a basis for living a life.
Wayne & Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 29, 2004
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
 Google News Updated : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 12:25:52 GMT Sign of the times - BBC News
BBC News - As Russia and the West warn of a new Cold War after the Georgian conflict, the BBC's Humphrey Hawksley in Moscow tries to imagine what it would look like. European Union to Hold Urgent Meeting on Russia last straw" for Russia Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:10:28 GMT Experts: Silver lining for ‘viable’ Mitt Romney - Boston Herald Boston Herald - By Edward Mason Mitt Romney - once a top contender to be John McCain’s running mate - may have suffered a bruised ego when he was passed over for the little known Gov. It's not Pawlenty, it's Palin Pawlenty, after the pick, another day at fair Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 04:13:29 GMT Hurricane Gustav Strengthens, Accelerates, Heads for Cuba, Gulf - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Patrick Donahue and Robin Stringer Aug. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Hurricane Gustav strengthened and picked up speed as it headed toward western Cuba and the US Gulf Coast cities ravaged by Katrina and Rita in 2005, after lashing the Cayman Islands with ... Video: Gustav Follows Katrina's Path Some leave Gulf Coast ahead of likely evacuations Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 10:40:06 GMT Obama campaign buoyed by convention - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - He sees an unusually strong jump in support after the carefully choreographed event in Denver. By Peter Nicholas, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer DENVER -- Amy Pearl is the sort of Democrat who made the Barack Obama campaign nervous. Look out, Palin The Hillary factor . . . Hillary supporters aren't bitter; they're concerned Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 07:00:48 GMT S. Ossetia to be absorbed into Russia - United Press International
United Press International - TSKHINVALI, Georgia, Aug. 30 (UPI) -- South Ossetia says it will become part of Russia and host Russian military bases under a new agreement. Video: UN does have double standards Kremlin announces that South Ossetia will Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:01:52 GMT Comcast to Place a Cap on Internet Downloads - New York Times
New York Times - By BRIAN STELTER Comcast, one of the country’s largest Internet providers, said this week that it would place limits on customers’ broadband usage. Comcast's Answer to ... Critics Question Comcast Broadband Caps Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 09:08:14 GMT US Oil, Gas Producers, Pipelines Brace for Gustav (Update1) - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Margot Habiby Aug. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Royal Dutch Shell Plc and BP Plc plan to finish shutting oil and gas production platforms in the Gulf of Mexico and Enbridge Energy Partners LP will close pipelines as Hurricane Gustav gains strength and moves ... More volatility seen with hurricane, payrolls Airlines bounce as oil gives up early gains Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:21:02 GMT Increased Web Site Traffic |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Passion can guide you, not just to live, but to... Read More A Story (Source Unknown) ? One day a very wealthy... Read More The root of discord and violence between people and nations... Read More We set out walking along a route where one foot... Read More Here's a simple parable with an important moral.Each mirror, you... Read More Why 'you are special'?Why and how does it matter?Things you... Read More Continued...After that I stayed with him still and when he... Read More BONZA BOTTLER DAY is any day when the date and... Read More It's all in the mind- your mind.It's not brought about... Read More I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt... Read More This is the eighth article in our "True Power" series.... Read More 1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. Look it... Read More Life ?.. Indeed is full of learning's, experiences, facts and... Read More (Excerpted From Cultivating An Unshakable Character)For a leader, honesty and... Read More As I write this Southern California has just ended its... Read More Remember, everything is made of energy. Each of us has... Read More There is one line that can dramatically impact your life... Read More Get It OutWhen something is bothering you, whether be a... Read More All of us are resistant to change, whether it's in... Read More Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26,... Read More Wouldn't it be nice if you had a spiritual counselor... Read More Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10,... Read More How strong are you? I'm not asking if you... Read More Have you ever paid for services rendered with a strong... Read More Child abuse is a much more common event, than is... Read More
Adsense
websites
Passion: What It Means To Live With It
Change Your Landscape by Seeing with New Eyes
A Path To Peace
Walking on a Path of Life
How Do You Read the Bible?
Why You Are Special and Why Does It Matter
Everyone Has Been Hurt... Part 4
Are YOU Ready for Bonza Bottler Day?
Tranquility
Need for a Belief System: A System of Organization for Your Experiences!
Re-Define Realistic: True Power Series
Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement
The Meaning of Life
Maintaining Honesty and Integrity
Lewis And Clark Pay Attention
Energy Work Basics Part 2: What Lifts Your Spirit?
The Most Famous Line I Never Wrote
Getting Past Those Blah Days
Resistance to Change
Duplicity
Your Inner Wisdom -- Crouching Ego, Hidden Guru
A Teller Of Tales
Are You The Master Of Your Destiny?
Do You Pay For Services Out of Obligation or Appreciation?
Abused as a Child
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Launch Yourself Into Living
Memorial Day weekend, 2004, found my wife and I along... Read More
$12 And 90 Minutes To Change Your Life
Have you ever listened to self hypnosis tapes? Or listened... Read More
The Day I First Believed
I was eight years old, over four decades ago and... Read More
Searching for the Meaning of Life!
Are you looking for the meaning of life?You work all... Read More
Love and Courage
To [many] work is not a gratifying opportunity to do... Read More
Why Are We So Lost? The Journey Home
Did you ever wonder how you ended up where you... Read More
You Can Make a Difference
When I study of world these days, I see a... Read More
He Who Laughs...Lasts---Where Has All The Laughter Gone?
I love to watch people at airports, malls and even... Read More
The Final Frontier
When all that you have done has not brought you... Read More
Psychic Sponge Syndrome: The Easy Inner-Centrifuge Remedy
Here's a nifty trick to use to clear yourself of... Read More
Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement
1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. Look it... Read More
On Stand-by
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 28,... Read More
Victory is an Accomplishment
Did you ever watch a bird in flight? Especially ducks... Read More
5 Notions That Americans Should Put Out To Pasture
Wisdom and knowledge come from the same family but are... Read More
Three Bricklayers
The story of the three bricklayers has been around for... Read More
Who is the Pilot?
It was a mild summer day in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina... Read More
My Favorite Movies Journal
The movies--what a wonderful way to spend an afternoon! I... Read More
You Are a Beautiful Person
I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More
Energy Work Basics Part 4: Imagine!
Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge".Did you know... Read More
The Most Powerful Question Ever Asked?
What if every experience in your life is sent to... Read More
Problem Solving: The Easy Way To Solve Problems In Life
Life is full of problems.The more you solve them, the... Read More
My Mothers Garden
I love to talk about Purposeful Living with others and... Read More
Essential Ingredient
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 15,... Read More
Shame and Guilt: A World of Difference
Learning to distinguish between two powerful emotions - superficially very... Read More
Time to Change the World!
Here's something you can do each day that will REALLY... Read More
Inspirational |