Addicted To Her
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 4, 2003
I dated a woman I work with for four years. In both our minds we were soul mates. A year and a half ago she broke it off. I never found out the real reasons.
After we broke up she would still tell me she loved me and we were soul mates. Of course at the same time she was dating another man, a married man. But it's worse than that. In college this guy stalked her--her words, not mine. Now, of course, she'll claim he was "just observing me."
She is still dating him. He is still married. He lives a few hours drive away so it's easy for him to hide the fact he hasn't filed divorce papers yet. In fact, I know he and his wife just refinanced their house, yet my girlfriend is convinced he'll marry her one day.
But wait, there's more. To this day she asks me to lunch every day, calls me "babe," touches me affectionately, and talks about vacations together. When I'm on travel, she calls once or twice a day. At her request, we're seeing a therapist to resolve our trust issues, but not to reconcile.
It's difficult to say my hands are clean here, but I am truly concerned. Everything I've read suggests there is nothing but pain and heartache down the road for her, and I've worked hard to change my shortcomings through therapy, reading, and action.
If things were right, I would like to begin anew with her. I've tried the approach of moving on and seeing other women. She knows enough to be jealous of these women, but it has no effect. How do I approach it without blowing my chances?
Dieter
Dieter, a few years ago when we were guests on a radio call-in show in Los Angeles, a man called and asked what to do about his soul mate. He knew she was having an affair, he said, because he had hired a private detective who found the evidence.
If what you and that man have is a soul mate, what do you call a couple who love each other to the exclusion of all others?
What you really have is a woman who finds some benefit in letting you fantasize about her while she tries to land another man. You are not ready to accept our answer, but what you have is more like an addiction.
The only cure for an addiction is to remove yourself from both the substance you are addicted to and the environment in which your addiction flourishes.
Wayne & Tamara
Parenthood
Recently my wife announced it was time for us to "make a decision about having a baby." This announcement blind-sided me, because I have always been perfectly clear on this matter. I only want kids if they are sautéed correctly.
All my friends and all my relatives know my aversion to children. The reasons behind my feelings are varied, but this has never been a gray area for me. My wife, on the other hand, says that "my future involves having a family," implying in no uncertain terms that she is going to have children with or without me.
This seems to be an irreconcilable situation. What are your thoughts?
Chad
Chad, not everyone makes a good parent. People like you, who recognize this early on, shouldn't have children. You made it perfectly clear before the wedding, and you thought she accepted this fact.
Your wife has a right to have children, but not with a man she knew never wanted to be a parent. Your dark humor expresses the seriousness of your convictions. Since you know you do not want children, it is your responsibility to make sure you don't father a child.
Your wife is right that it is time to make a decision, but the issue is your future together.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
 Google News Updated : Sun, 20 Jul 2008 00:45:55 GMT Aybar's triple caps Halos' rally over Sox - MLB.com
MLB.com - By Rhett Bollinger / MLB.com ANAHEIM -- Pinch-hitter Erick Aybar hit a three-run triple in the seventh inning, Vladimir Guerrero blasted a solo home run and left-hander Joe Saunders pitched 6 2/3 strong innings to lift the Angels to a 4-2 win over the ... Aybar's three-run triple sends streaking Halos over BoSox Aybar's bases-clearing triple sparks Angels Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:52:04 GMT US banks ask SEC to expand stock trade protection - Reuters
Reuters - By John Poirier WASHINGTON (Reuters) - An emergency move by US securities regulators this week aimed at curbing manipulative short-selling in some major financial firms should be expanded to all publicly traded banks, or it could erode confidence in ... SEC Short-Sale Rule Gets Negative Reviews SEC Spares Market Makers From `Naked-Short' Sales Ban (Update1) Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:02:49 GMT Venture Funding Drops for Youngest Companies As Older Ones Suck Up ... - New York Times
New York Times - By Abha Bhattarai In an ominous sign for Silicon Valley’s entrepreneurial machine, venture capital firms are cutting back on their investments in companies at their earliest stage of development and being forced to provide extra funding for later-stage ... VC Deals In Charts (Q2 2008)?Exits? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Exits? Venture investments in state total $77.6 million so far in '08 Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:54:52 GMT McCain Co-Chairman, Under Fire, Steps Aside - New York Times
New York Times - Carolyn Kaster/AP At a town-hall-style meeting Friday on energy, John McCain found himself questioned instead on his wartime positions. McCain Takes on the 'Cable Monster' and an 'Extreme' Obama Gramm Out as McCain Co-Chair; Obama Reacts Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:45:59 GMT Panel Finds Misconduct By Fusion Researcher - Washington Post
Washington Post - INDIANAPOLIS -- A Purdue University panel has found two instances of misconduct by a researcher who says he produced nuclear fusion in tabletop experiments. Purdue physicist found guilty of misconduct Details of what Purdue's investigation found Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 05:47:31 GMT What's the best Oscar strategy for Heath Ledger in 'The Dark Knight'? - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - That's a tricky Oscar question. On one hand you might think Heath Ledger should go supporting because, technically speaking, "The Dark Knight" is a film about Batman. Heath is where the heart is 'Dark Knight' sets box office record with $66.4M Publ.Date : Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:18:18 GMT Growth ahead for more diversified game industry - Reuters
Reuters - By Kiyoshi Takenaka - Analysis LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The video game industry looks set for at least another year or two of strong growth, driven by geographical expansion, a strong hardware lineup and growing pool of casual gamers, ... Nintendo Wii Tops for Console Sales in June Sony's press conference at E3 was a dazzling hi-tech showcase Publ.Date : Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:07:32 GMT Amazon Content |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 16,... Read More Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in... Read More These moments of awareness are powerful motivators. They boost our... Read More The Emmaus Journal Pattern of RipplesPicture within your mind an... Read More Text: Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3: 31-35, Luke 8:19Mother's Day has... Read More The human will is the most incredible thing. I believe... Read More Lance Armstrong has already proven he is the greatest athlete... Read More Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 9,... Read More I stared into those biggest of navy blue eyes and... Read More Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 14,... Read More At some stage of living your life you will ask... Read More Another perfect sunset seen from Redondo Beach, California. Since arriving... Read More (Excerpted From Cultivating An Unshakable Character)For a leader, honesty and... Read More In a recent disaster, a man was asked why he... Read More Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 8,... Read More You've heard the saying, "You are what you eat." I... Read More An 18 month-old girl lay dying of diphtheria in January... Read More The story of the three bricklayers has been around for... Read More If there is one thing that I believe with all... Read More Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More People often ask me how they can improve their lives.I... Read More Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood,... Read More I AM SO GRATEFUL for the time to smell the... Read More There is an old saying, which warns, "be careful for... Read More I hate saying that. It feels so very wrong. It's... Read More
Adsense
websites
Reality Check
Its The Journey, Not The Destination
Inspiration, the Living Force
Pattern of Ripples
Who is My Mother?
The Amazing Power of the Human Will
Lance Armstrong an Inspiration
The Dead
The Tiniest of Gladiators
Walking The Walk
Anamchara - Living a Meaningful Life
On Sunsets and Telecom
Maintaining Honesty and Integrity
Are We There Yet?
Repeat Offender
8 Ways to Get Your Healthy Groove On
Aftermath of a Child?s Near Death Experience
Three Bricklayers
All You Want is Within Your Reach
Innovation Management ? Being Receptive to Inspiration
20 Ways To Improve Your Life
Building Bridges, Not Walls!
Summertime - Take Time To Smell The Roses
Anam Chara - Wishing Versus Wanting
Its Not My Job to Free Tibet
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Melting Snow
I love the sounds of melting snow-plink, plink, ting, ting,... Read More
The Serpents Genesis 1 and 2
Not long after the beginning a being fell from the... Read More
Big-Wave Mindfulness: Surfing For A Connection
Surfing is mindfulness in action. Riding the biggest waves is... Read More
The Seasons of Life, Part 1 of 5
Life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. For the... Read More
Why Integrity!
There is much said in the word "integrity"! According to... Read More
A Life Time of Strategic Thinking
You may be one of the thousands who think "Strategic... Read More
The Emmaus Journal ~ Quietness
The Emmaus Journal QuietnessAs a state of being, quietness is... Read More
The Challenge To Succeed
So much has been written about success that one often... Read More
Selfish Beings
Trouble, trouble, trouble. Nothing but trouble. The night before, I... Read More
7 Strategies To Make Room For Money
Laws of the Attraction notwithstanding, there are several external ways... Read More
The Ant Philosophy
Over the years I've been teaching kids about a simple... Read More
Ask the Angels - Get Specific !
There are Angels for everything and they are just waiting... Read More
Are You Afraid of Change?
Change, no matter how you cut it, can certainly be... Read More
Nothing To Celebrate
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 12,... Read More
Need for a Belief System: A System of Organization for Your Experiences!
I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt... Read More
Growing From Good To Great
I have never been fond of white-water rafting, probably because... Read More
Create Your Own Self Esteem - Part 1
Self-esteem is something that we all wish we had more... Read More
Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile
Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and... Read More
The Shoemaker and the Brat
At seventeen years old, I was a brat. A mixture... Read More
Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want?
In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue.... Read More
How Four Words Can Enhance Your Life Of Prayer (Pray More In My Hectic Day? You Cant Be Serious)
"I would like to pray more. But ... how to... Read More
Don?t Let the Boogeyman Steal Your Dreams
The boogeyman lurking in the closet scares the bejesus out... Read More
The Power of Courtesy and Kindness
I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of... Read More
Garbage In Its Place
There is nothing worse than seeing garbage blowing down the... Read More
What Inspires You?
Have you ever thought? What inspires YOU? What is it... Read More
Inspirational |