If Real People Ran the Bank - I (a spoof for the heart)

Banish Loans Forever

If ordinary, hard-working, people ran the bank... the very first thing to get rid of would be loans. Absolutely no more loans!

Because once they're gone, there wouldn't be any more:

- Due dates

- Interest charges - at any rate of interest

- Late fees or penalties

- Liens

- Applications or rejections

- Credit reports [Old joke - If it weren't for bad credit, I wouldn't have any credit at all]

- Playing catch-up month after month

And that means all the related emotional frustrations vanish as well. That would certainly make a lot of people happier. Don't you think?

Instead of lending money, how about just giving it away? That should make everyone happier still.

Imagine a bank saying, "Help yourself - and never worry about paying it back." If it doesn't matter whether money ever gets repaid - there goes accounting and bookkeeping. There goes financial records. There goes debt - along with bad debt. But that's not a stretch for a bank that re-writes the rules. If you thought familiar bank policies were cast in stone, think again.

Up with Emotional Solvency - Down with Debt

A whimsical bank that just started on the Internet eliminates debt and loans. Won't touch 'um. No way, for nobody. That's because it rates a person's emotional health higher than their financial wealth.

This quirky website places more value on emotional solvency than wealth accumulation. Huh? How's that possible? It's the logical (illogical, more like it) outcome of putting feelings first. And its other policies are equally unprecedented and unique. http://www.joyfulbanker.com/goofypoliciesdept.html

The Joyful Banker is a parody of all things financial. It just wants to make you happy - and it wants to keep money worries at bay (even if only for a little while). It exists solely to amuse and delight. To make people feel both generous and rich - with access to unlimited money (admittedly funny munny). This site delivers a high level of frivel (wordplay), giggle, and absurdity in the process.

People are More Valuable than Money... Really

Joyful Banker's avowed purpose is to deliver joy and up-beat energy to all comers. But it can't pull it off without putting money in its rightful place - which isn't first place. Or even second. This is the only bank on the planet devoted to what's really valuable - relationships, generosity, kindness and joy.

Joyful Banker is the Mother Lode of Binkle Lore and Wisdom

A binkle is the energy that's created when people really connect with each other, with nature, or anything that inspires. It's the zizz of energy one feels. Although the word is new that feeling is not. It's been part of every profound or happy experience you can remember. That sensation is always called something else: love, awe, the thrill, peace, inspiration, etc. But the energy of that moment is binkle energy.

This joyous website is devoted to increasing binkle energy in any way possible http://www.joyfulbanker.com/binklepage.html It's not hard to find binkles showing up anywhere - if you're looking for them. Can't have too many. But if you run low, just come beck to fetch some more.

Probably should warn you - it's addictive. The zizz of binkle energy keeps you constantly alert for how to get more. And if you can't find any... that's a downer. But a moment of caring and sharing is sure to get them flowing.

The Binkle Standard Simplifies Your Life

1. Spend MORE of your time and attention with people (or activities) that give binkles

2. Spend LESS time and attention on people (or activities) that drain binkle energy

3. Pass it around! Leave a trail of binkles wherever you go

That's it! But the rewards you feel cannot be exaggerated. Playing "spot the binkle" sure beats a Do List when it comes to banishing stress. Not to mention, it attracts some pretty nice people.

There are still a few bugs being worked out. The funny munny is just for fun. Not to knock fun, but you can't use joy bucks to pay the phone bill.

Come to the Joyful Banker for Binkles and Joy

Anyone who comes to the website has an account (their email address), so can partake in the Unlimited Withdrawals or Open Vault policies. This is one financial institution that won't leave you empty handed. Or empty hearted, either.

©2005, Lynella Grant

This is Part 1 of a 5-part series.

Read the rest http://www.joyfulbanker.com/articles.html

--Lynella Grant The Joyful Banker, a parody of all things financial http://www.joyfulbanker.com The funnest, most joyous fool service non-bank in the world. With unlimited withdrawals. Off the Page Press (719) 395-9450 mailto:banker@joyfulbanker.com

---

Google News Updated : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:33:37 GMT Roger Goodell reinstates Adam ’Pacman’ Jones - Boston Herald CBC.ca Roger Goodell reinstates Adam ’Pacman’ Jones Boston Herald - 1 hour ago By Herald wire services Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said yesterday the suspended cornerback has been reinstated by league commissioner Roger Goodell, but he must miss two more games, this Sunday and the following game on Thanksgiving. Pacman, Terence Newman help renew Dallas Cowboys’ secondary plan Fort Worth Star Telegram Pacman reinstated, but can't return until Dec. 7 The Associated Press New York Times - FOXSports.com - Orlando Sentinel - Chicago Sun-Times all 524 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:00:53 GMT GIANT DISCOVERY: PSU researchers map woolly mammoth's DNA - Centre Daily Times guardian.co.uk GIANT DISCOVERY: PSU researchers map woolly mammoth's DNA Centre Daily Times - 30 minutes ago By Anne Danahy Scientists at Penn State have become the first to sequence the genome of an extinct species, using hair from the woolly mammoth to create a map of the long-dead animals’ DNA. Woolly Mammoth Genome Sequenced InformationWeek Scientists Reconstruct Most of Woolly Mammoth Genome Washington Post The Associated Press - Wired News - Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - National Geographic all 286 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:03:05 GMT It's splitsville for Paris Hilton and Benji Madden - New York Daily News Sydney Morning Herald It's splitsville for Paris Hilton and Benji Madden New York Daily News - 58 minutes ago BY OLGA BOYKO Paris Hilton and her boyfriend of nine months, Benji Madden, just couldn't hack it together. You better hide your boyfriends, ladies, because Paris Hilton is single again. Paris Hilton splits with Benji Madden Boston Herald Paris Hilton and Benji Madden Split Up People Magazine MTV.com - Actress Archives - The Associated Press - E! Online all 454 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:35:33 GMT Global stocks hit 5-1/2 year lows - Reuters Boston Globe (registration) Global stocks hit 5-1/2 year lows Reuters - 1 hour ago By Rafael Nam HONG KONG (Reuters) - A rout in Asia pushed world stocks to their lowest in 5- years on Thursday, while oil fell to below $53 a barrel and safe havens such as the yen gained as economic data indicated a global recession could get even ... Asia markets follow US share drop BBC News Asian markets extend world rout on recession fears The Associated Press MarketWatch - AFP - CNNMoney.com - Wall Street Journal all 721 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:59:08 GMT The BlackBerry Storm: Your Top 20 Questions, Answered - PC Magazine stv.tv The BlackBerry Storm: Your Top 20 Questions, Answered PC Magazine - 45 minutes ago by Sascha Segan I re-ordered the questions by theme, and eliminated a few duplicates and a few that I still can't answer. (Battery life tests can take days. The Storm vs. the iPhone BusinessWeek BlackBerry's Storm: Awkward and Disappointing PC World CNET News - Reuters - Computerworld - The Associated Press all 224 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:48:37 GMT Ariz. Governor Said to Be Pick For Homeland Security Post - Washington Post Arizona Capitol Times Ariz. Governor Said to Be Pick For Homeland Security Post Washington Post - 1 hour ago By Spencer S. Hsu Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano (D), a border-state governor whose handling of immigration and homeland security issues brought her accolades from fellow governors, is President-elect Barack Obama's choice to serve as secretary of ... Napolitano may be Homeland Security pick Arizona Republic Obama taps Arizona Gov for homeland security - CNN Reuters Arizona Daily Star - MLive.com - Arizona Capitol Times - East Valley Tribune all 98 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:43:07 GMT Solomon: Rockets loss to Mavs bound to repeat - Houston Chronicle Washington Post Solomon: Rockets loss to Mavs bound to repeat Houston Chronicle - 1 hour ago By JEROME SOLOMON Copyright 2008 Houston Chronicle Sorry, your version of Flash doesn't support this video. Please download the latest version at adobe. Rockets' Yao Sits Out With Sore Foot Washington Post Road to victory: Dallas Mavericks top Rockets, 96-86 Dallas Morning News The Associated Press - Sports Network - Bleacher Report all 503 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:05:27 GMT Data Feed Content for Web Pages Amazon Associate Software

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More

American Independence ? The True Story

It was late in 1775, and King George III was... Read More

A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking

I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark... Read More

Poor Rixs Almanac 8-27-05

Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food?... Read More

Its All About Seeing the Signs

Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some... Read More

And the World Goes Round

If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More

Health Club Regulars ?- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym

One of the great benefits of belonging to a health... Read More

Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers

Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time... Read More

Voodoo Munchies

Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the... Read More

Slip-sliding On A Peel

Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More

The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1

Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More

When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a Plan

It's time for me to announce that I have a... Read More

Coffee Tips (and the Elimination Thereof)

I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More

The Jokes On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes?

This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More

Essential Laughter

Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in... Read More

Humor Quotations - Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with... Read More

Military Wives

I... Read More

Space, and the Room for It

Space exploration came a long way since I was the... Read More

Pee Here Now

Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More

Finding Lost Children

A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More

How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!

We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More

Sell [Your] Phones

Today while driving I saw a young girl, probably around... Read More

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

One of the best parts of a vacation is the... Read More

Norm Goldman Interviews Comedienne Fran Capo,the Guinness Book Worlds Record for the Fastest Talking

Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted... Read More

[Not So] Outgoing Mail

I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail.... Read More