Coffee Tips (and the Elimination Thereof)
I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments, and I'm not referring to the scones, although -- seriously -- just think about the writing possibilities if I were. Rather, it's the tip cup that bothers me...
To begin, I do realize that doughnut (or donut, take your pick) shops aren't the only places with these cups. But for the sake of this column, I need to be oblivious to all of the other ones in order to keep some sort of focus, so bear with me here...
Yogi: That's right, I am.
Smokey: Me too
At any rate, my first question is what we are tipping when we contribute extra change, sometimes even dollar bills, into the doughnut tip cup. Is it the way the employees stretch to grab the lemon-filled that is so challenging, or is coffee pouring more of an art than I thought it was? The thing is, I always end up tipping because it's become an obligation rather than a choice. Blood and jelly are the same color and I realize that...
Still, this tip cup could have its advantages. For example, doughnut establishments could use the money to fund research in the creation of new doughnuts. Personally, I'd like to know that my extra 15 cents per day was putting some college intern hard to work in order to find out if sprinkles really do taste better when they're multi-colored, or to see if crème mixed with pickle juice is such a bad idea after all. And then, when this research is complete (and thorough), I want to see my name somewhere on the official document...
Doughnut Shop Owner: Wait a minute, wait a minute -- you are getting way too carried away.
Greg: So are you. And it's about time someone stood up for the doughnut consumers of America.
Owner: That's ironic, considering most of them sit down.
Greg: True. But that's besides the point. I will only stop writing when you tell me why the tip cup is there.
Owner: I will, but I need you to keep this is a secret, okay?
Greg: Sounds good to me.
Owner: You see, we need advice -- like, really serious advice. And so we put that tip cup there hoping that we'd get it, and unfortunately people are missing the point.
Greg: Oh, I see. Well, I have some advice for you, sir.
Owner: Thank you, what is it?
Greg: Well, it'll cost you 50 cents...
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
 Google News Updated : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:51:33 GMT Fantastic finishes: 5 NFL games down to the wire - Washington Post
Washington Post - Dallas Cowboys' Mat McBriar (1) has his punt blocked by Arizona Cardinals' Sean Morey as Monty Beisel (52) looks on during overtime of an NFL football game Sunday, Oct. 12, 2008 in Glendale, Ariz. Blocked punt downs Dallas Backups Burst Through Line and Lift Cardinals in Overtime Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:15:50 GMT UK government takes stake in three banks - CNN International
CNN International - LONDON, England (CNN) -- The British government on Monday said it would make a multi-billion investment in three of the country's major banks to help them through the "first financial crisis of the global age. In quotes: Bank bail-out reaction TEXT-Lloyds TSB terms for acquisition of HBOS Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:18:47 GMT European, Asian markets bounce back - The Associated Press
The Associated Press - LONDON (AP) - European markets opened strongly Monday following Asia's lead in response to the widespread government efforts over the weekend to shore up the world's troubled financial system. The financial crisis A light at the end of the tunnel? World stock markets welcome European bank rescue Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:23:04 GMT Dodgers stand up to Phillies in Game 3 win - FOXSports.com
FOXSports.com - by Ken Rosenthal Ken Rosenthal has been the senior baseball writer for FOXSports.com since Aug. 2005. He appears weekly on the FSN Baseball Report and MLB on FOX. LA revitalized at Moyer's expense Kuroda's pitch serves its purpose for Dodgers Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:00:36 GMT 1.5 million G1 Android phones pre-ordered - TG Daily
TG Daily - By Wolfgang Gruener Chicago (IL) - T-Mobile’s upcoming G1 may not be the best-looking iPhone rival, it may not have the most complete feature set and T-Mobile may have undersold the device at the recent launch event. Get ready for next-gen mobile HTC G1 Android Phone Racks up 1.5 Million Pre-orders Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:21:21 GMT Forecast: Summery Sunshine Sticks Around - Washington Post
Washington Post - Columbus Day will feel a lot more like Labor Day as temperatures climb to around 80 degrees. This unseasonably warm weather will continue for the next several days. Enjoy a warm, sunny Columbus Day Beautiful start to the work week Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:03:26 GMT Manatee dies before reaching rehab site - Boston Globe
Boston Globe - By Emily Canal After a 27-hour trip to Florida, Dennis the manatee, rescued from the frigid waters of Cape Cod, died in Orlando yesterday as SeaWorld employees carted the mammal to a rehabilitation center. Video: Rescued Manatee Dies After Mass. Rescue Manatee rescued off Cape Cod dies en route to Florida Sea World Publ.Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:21:21 GMT Amazon Associate Store |
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