Why We Have Problems? A Coach Debates
As a coach, I often ask myself the question why human beings have problems. With the exception of terminal diseases, serious illnesses that are REALLY life-threatening situations and serious stuff, we do have problems for a number of reasons I will present below. But first of all, allow me, I will have to replace the word problem by "challenge" or "barrier" as used in the coaching jargon. Problems do not exist in the coaching world! However, changing the word, does not change the concept so a challenge, barrier or problem is pretty much the same thing.
Here are the four main reasons we have problems ? illness excluded:
1. Unclear intentions and objectives.
In other words, confusion in our head that shows in our daily life. When we are not clear about our objectives in life, career or business, our thoughts are scattered rather than solid. Scattered thoughts do not lead to significant action taking but to stillness or mess. Example: you want to quit your job because you want to start a business. At the same time you want to take a gap year to travel the world and you also want to make more money and possibly to write a book and to loose weight. Great!
What actions will you take if you are in a similar situation as the one described above? There is so much in the mind that it is difficult to take any action. Or you will work simultaneously on so many and possibly conflicting projects and you won't get the desired results.
Solution: Clarify your intentions. Be clear of what you want to create in your life by, first, asking your heart. What do you truly desire? An intention is something that gives you joy, enhances your creativity and also brings cash (if it is work related intention) but contributes to society at the same time. An intention is bigger than you. Pick one at the time. Focus on it, develop it, work on it. Then move to the next one. If you don't know how to go about choosing the number one intention, use the "commitment scale" exercise. Example: I want to take a gap year to travel the world. Fine. What is your level of commitment on a scale from 1 to 10? Anything less than 6 is out of your list. You will be surprised that you actually do not have so many intentions after all!
2. Lack of reserves in all areas.
What is a reserve? "Having enough of" the dictionary defines. Scarcity has always been one of the major issues in humans. When there is not enough of, there is scarcity and as a consequence frustration. Worry and stress. Problems! What are the main areas we need to build and maintain reserves in order to be satisfied? Here are my suggestions:
Money Food Heat Time Space Love Resources Energy Opportunity
Obviously, there are many different other areas we can build reserves as well (friends, enthusiasm etc). We can all find out our weakest areas and then work on them.
Solution: Start building reserves in all areas. From reserves of bread to reserves of love, you need them all to find happiness. Or stop worrying. Fear will disappear, you won't have to struggle, everything will be in place and you will enjoy life more. You will have more time and more space. Things will start coming to you effortlessly and you will become attractive. Building reserves is one of the first steps of attraction
3. Resisting the present.
Resisting the present means that humans beings do not like to be in the present. For a mysterious and unexplainable reason, most of us spend more time in the past or look forward into the future. It's an unconscious or conscious choice but in either case, creates frustration and often overwhelm. If you don't want to be in the present, you are not grounded, you are not "here" but somewhere else. If you decided to be in the past, you spend most of your time thinking of what has happened and how difficult or easy your life has been so far. Old wounds, faces and emotions come up from the old days and you are just living in the past-world. If you have, however, decided to be in the future, you spend most of your time organizing your future plans and goals. Thinking of what is next for you. Future goals and plans are on the top of the agenda. The "what is next" question might create excitement, but it creates the "need" of a better future.
Solution: Recognize perfection in the present. It might not be ideal or desired but the present is a wonderful place to be. Being in the present, it's a learning experience. When you can see perfection in the present, even in a very difficult situation, you are probably oriented to improve or resolve it.
And don't forget, life happens when you make plans.
4. We want things to happen now, ASAP. Even if we don't exactly know what they are.
Does it mean that we are not patient? Yes. Does it mean that we can't wait? Yes. It also means that we can't see that there is a need for preparation for everything we want to have, develop or create. Things do not happen when we want them, but when we are ready. I remember one of my first clients wanted to get a job in London and relocate from France. When she made the decision, she had one year left before her graduation from University, as a mature student. She did not have a degree as yet. Despite her effort and job applications for London jobs, she couldn't get one. She got a job, somewhere else, a year after. It was then when she was prepared and ready.
Solution: Don't rush. The Universe has its own time. The Universe is ready when you are.
Thei Zervaki is a career and business coach and founder of the Ditch your Resume? portal (http://www.ditchyouresume.com). She coaches individuals who don't like to edit resumes and don't know what to do when they grow up. She also delivers fun workshops. Email her at tzervaki@ditchyouresume.com
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