True Happiness

Most people look outside of themselves as the cause of their unhappiness or frustration. After all, wouldn't life be practically perfect if the significant people in our lives would simply do things the way we want them to or do what we think is best for them? Actually, this is the kind of thinking that perpetuates the misery!

I agree that most of today's unhappiness centers on important people in our lives not cooperating with us. Can anyone relate to that? Have you ever had a child who makes a decision that puts them in serious danger? Have you ever had a significant other decide to relocate or make an employment decision with which you were not in agreement? Did one of your parents ever say something critical to you that rocked your confidence? Ever had a supervisor who micromanaged your work and never gave credit for your good work performance? I think you get the idea. Any one or combination of these things can be a source of unhappiness for us and I'm sure you can add several others to the list.

While we are in situations such as these, it sure feels like if the others in our life would just cooperate and be the way we want them to be, and then our lives would be so much better, happier and more fulfilling. While this may, in fact, be true, what I also believe is this. While we are busy trying to get those significant others in our lives to do things our way, the behaviors we typically engage in to move others in our desired direction are exactly those behaviors that damage, and ultimately destroy, our relationships.

You know the behaviors I'm talking about: punishing, guilting, complaining, nagging, threatening, criticizing, "the silent treatment", and if we are particularly savvy, rewarding to control, otherwise known as bribing.

If you are one of those people whose first choice of action is to negotiate and open the doors of communication, then you are rare. Ask yourself what do you typically resort to when negotiations fail?

I know one of my more polished behaviors is nagging. I am a world class nag---just ask my children. You know the drill. "How about cleaning up your room today?" Thirty minutes later, after the child is still in front of his video game, "Are you going to get to that room today?" Maybe two hours later, several decibels louder, "What about that ROOM?" Then, as a last frustration, it's "Will you get off your lazy a*# and clean your blankety blank blank room!!!!" Ever been there? Did it work to get the room cleaned? In my case, it usually didn't.

However, I've have had some parents tell me that repeated nagging does work but then my next question usually has a different answer---At what cost? What was the cost of getting that room cleaned? First, there was the cost of you losing control and being a person you probably don't want to be and secondly, there was a definite cost to the relationship between you and your child. Do you believe that after an exchange such as that one, the two of you will be ready and willing to have a meaningful discussion about life or anything else about which you may like to talk? Probably not.

What I am about to say probably goes against what you have believed the good majority of your life and that is that you, and you alone, are responsible for your own happiness. If you are waiting for someone to do something differently or for a particular thing to manifest itself in your life in order for you to be happy, then you are operating from the outside in instead of the inside out.

I am not here to tell you to stop what you are currently doing. If you want to hold on to your beliefs that when your husband becomes more affectionate, your children more obedient, your wife more supportive, your boss more appreciative or you to get your education, pay off your credit cards, buy your first home, etc. in order for you to be happy, then go ahead. But for those of us who want to practice inside out thinking, we don't like to give the power to others to control our happiness or any of our other moods or emotions. We know that we are responsible for ourselves and no one else.

What I can help you with is learning how to be the person you want to be, feel the emotions you want to feel by changing what you do and how you think about things. There is a quote I want to leave you with from Jimmy Dean. "You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails." This is representative of true inside out thinking. People and events are going to be what they are around us. There is very little we can do to impact other people's behavior and the uncontrollable events in our lives but there is always something each of us can do to manage those things better.

If you would like to discuss this further, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops. Until then, begin to recognize situations in your life where you give your power away to others for the way that you feel. Awareness is the first step.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor in two states. She helps others make positive changes and triumph through difficult periods of their lives. She has maintained a private counseling practice and in 2004, decided to move into the field of coaching, where there are a greater number of individuals more highly motivated to make the changes they seek. If you would like to get your life back on track, get closer to important people in your life, better manage the pain and disappointment of life or reduce depression, fear, frustration and anger and develop greater happiness and satisfaction in your life, then Kim is for you! To learn more, go to her website at http://www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and register for one of her upcoming teleclasses.

---

Google News Updated : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:48:44 GMT European Researchers Win Nobels for Medicine - Washington Post Washington Post European Researchers Win Nobels for Medicine Washington Post - 1 hour ago By Rob Stein Two French researchers were awarded a Nobel Prize today for discovering the AIDS virus, bypassing an American researcher who played a key role in the discovery. Nobel is postscript to bitter 1980s HIV dispute The Associated Press Three Europeans Win the 2008 Nobel for Medicine New York Times Los Angeles Times - MSNBC - Chemical & Engineering News - Daily Mail all 843 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:12:15 GMT Campaign Attacks Intensify in the Wake of New Ads - Washington Post BBC News Campaign Attacks Intensify in the Wake of New Ads Washington Post - 1 hour ago By William Branigin and Michael Abramowitz The campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain went after Barack Obama again today over his past association with a 1960s radical leader, and the Democratic contender struck back by highlighting ... Video: Palin Defends Terrorist Comment Against Obama AssociatedPress POLITICS-US: Asian Americans Tilt Heavily Toward Obama Inter Press Service The Weekly Standard - Christian Science Monitor - San Francisco Chronicle - The Associated Press all 4,086 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:46:43 GMT IBM's cloud initiative repackages its familiar offerings - InfoWorld eFluxMedia IBM's cloud initiative repackages its familiar offerings InfoWorld - 1 hour ago By Ephraim Schwartz Mixing together a mélange of services, software and marketing, IBM's announcement this week of its Cloud Services Initiative is about putting an organizing construct around all of its cloud offerings, according to one IBM executive. IBM Puts More Tools in the InternetNews.com IBM unveils cloud computing offerings TG Daily CNNMoney.com - eWeek - CRN - VNUNet.com all 52 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:22:31 GMT Brooke Burke: Misty May Is ‘Out of’ DWTS - People Magazine United Press International Brooke Burke: Misty May Is ‘Out of’ DWTS People Magazine - 1 hour ago It looks like Dancing with the Stars will be down one competitor when it airs Monday night. Misty May-Treanor, 31, has injured herself and is out of the competition, her castmate Brooke Burke confirms. DWTS: Will Kim Replace Injured Misty? E! Online 'Dancing with the Stars' contestant injured The Associated Press United Press International - News10.net - Baltimore Sun - Reality TV Magazine all 179 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:35:17 GMT Postseason ace Beckett shelled as Angels win 5-4 - The Associated Press Washington Post Postseason ace Beckett shelled as Angels win 5-4 The Associated Press - 1 hour ago BOSTON (AP) - Josh Beckett waited four extra days for a chance to show his postseason brilliance. That shine wore off with his very first pitch. Video: Angels, White Sox Each Force a Game 4 AssociatedPress BoSox attempt to finish off Angels and advance to ALCS Sports Network Washington Post - Bleacher Report - FOXSports.com - MLB.com all 3,413 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:41:31 GMT Hamsters, turtles and other exotic pets can pose danger to kids - New York Daily News AFP Hamsters, turtles and other exotic pets can pose danger to kids New York Daily News - 1 hour ago Think that furry little hamster spinning on its wheel in your child’s bedroom is just a cute benign pet? Non-traditional household pets, including hamsters, mice, turtles and monkeys actually pose a health risk to young children, according to a new ... 8 Pets That Pose Major Health Threats to Kids U.S. News & World Report Exotic Pets Pose Health Risk To Children NBC 10.com AFP - eFluxMedia - The Associated Press - Mom Logic all 380 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:20:52 GMT What’s Next For OJ Simpson? - WJBF-TV BBC News What’s Next For OJ Simpson? WJBF-TV - 37 minutes ago OJ Simpson is back behind bars, convicted of kidnapping, armed robbery, and 10 other charges. Jury questionnaires, released Saturday, reveal 5 jurors disagreed with Simpson’s 1995 acquittal for murder. Video: OJ Jury: We Didn't Need Witnesses to Convict AssociatedPress Ostler: With a prison term, maybe Simpson can find real killers San Francisco Chronicle The Associated Press - Los Angeles Times - United Press International - New York Times all 3,272 news articles Publ.Date : Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:11:20 GMT RSS to Blog Add RSS Feeds to My Website

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Conditions of Happiness: Happy vs. Unhappy - Do We Have A Choice?

Everyone is in the process of seeking greater happiness. We... Read More

Guess Who Else Has a Problem With Confidence?

When I tell you what I heard you'll be able... Read More

Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out... Read More

Can Existential Therapy Give You a Sense of Wellbeing?

My journey to becoming a therapist began with a desire... Read More

The Year Of Happiness

I have decided to declare 2004 as the YEAR OF... Read More

Self Identity: Who Are You?

Self-identity? Who are you really? We identify with many things,... Read More

The Secret to Staying Centered and Happy in a Troubled World

Many of us are probably so used to crisis in... Read More

Being Happy

How can one be happy? Is it a tough question?... Read More

7 Gifts that Multiply Happiness

Did you know that there are gifts that will multiply... Read More

What The Bleep Are You So Happy About?

Could you stand to have a lot more happiness in... Read More

Happiness Increases Longevity...Where Do We Find This Gift of Life?

According to U.S. research, you can add seven and a... Read More

Live Happily Ever After!

So many people overwork themselves literary in the quest for... Read More

The Personal Cost of Shyness

Has someone nearby been sending you emails rather than calling... Read More

Suffering

Since wisdom is the art of coping with suffering, it... Read More

Are You Doing What You Love Each And Every Day?

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day... Read More

Why Do We Feel Happiness?

Although many for us strive for happiness in our daily... Read More

5 Keys to Understanding Why Your Life (probably) Sucks! #3

The outcome of Reason # 2 is that you become... Read More

Health and Happiness - Self Test

First of all, examine yourself outwardly.Look at your fingernails. Are... Read More

Flow as in Flower

The seeds you sow determine the crop you reap. This... Read More

The ABCs Of A Great Life: J Is For Joviality

Laughter, humor, a lighthearted sense of being - all of... Read More

Divining Your Karmic Number

Your karmic number interpretation tells you what you need to... Read More

Its All About Me: Why Its Good to Be Selfish

I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of... Read More

Life or Lifestyle?

"When you live the life you were meant to live,... Read More

Looking In The Eyes Of Happiness

From what you see around you in your daily lives,... Read More

10 Fun Ways To Live An Enchanted Life Today!

I am often asked how I can live the way... Read More