Our Feelings and Attitudes Around Happily Ever After
Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our ability to achieve 'happily ever after.' Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if they are in conflict?
Feelings are what they are. We can't force them. You fall madly head over heels in love with someone or you don't. 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink' comes to mind as I try to explain feelings. There is no magical way to change how we feel. Our feelings aren't right or wrong, they just exist. Feelings are very powerful and definitely have a control over how we make choices and how we move through life. Think about the money, time, and focus we put into trying to feel good and avoiding feeling bad. It goes against human nature to want to feel bad.
Feelings are based in emotions. Emotions come from the heart. Therefore, I don't think we can change them from within our logical minds. If your girlfriend leaves you, then you feel hurt. You cannot be expected to simply stop feeling hurt. You will feel some level of sadness until you have finished feeling sad. It is possible to distract yourself for awhile, but the feelings will just lay dormant until you allow them time to fully run their course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself from the bad feelings of missing your girlfriend, but it will slow down the process. There are constructive things you can do to aid the processing of your feelings. Regardless of how you handle your feelings, you're going to feel what you feel until it works it's way through your heart. You might always miss her and feel a slight tug at your heart when you think back, but the overwhelming sadness will eventually pass. It always does. That's why they say 'time heals all wounds.' You can't maintain any one feeling indefinitely. Emotions by nature are shifting and uncontrollable. They simply are what they are.
What about our attitudes? An entire multi-million dollar industry has been built around the power of a positive attitude. The industry wouldn't have survived and thrived as it has if it wasn't a valid and real concept. Our attitudes are rooted in our belief systems. Our belief systems are chosen by our logical minds. Therefore, it is possible to make a conscious decision to change it. Our minds have complete and total control over what we believe. I don't think I need to bore you with another longwinded speech about the powers of a positive attitude. If you've ever tried it, then you have proven for yourself that it is possible to make an internal adjustment regarding your attitude.
So, which is stronger? Which has more influence over our choices and behaviors? Does one overpower the other? Let's say that you find yourself falling madly head over heals in love with someone. That's a feeling, an emotion. It comes from your heart. However, at the same time, you are entertaining a very pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships in general. The attitude comes from your mind. Which will win out, the feelings of falling in love or the dark attitude? It's hard to say. If you change your attitude, then the feelings of being in love can grow and perhaps become a wonderful source of joy for you. If you hold on tightly to your attitude, then eventually it will wear on the loving feelings and you will eventually stop loving that other person. What if the feelings of love were so amazingly powerful, that they caused the attitude to change and your core belief system about love and relationships changed too? Your feelings can definitely have an effect on your attitude, but more often than not, your attitude wins.
Your attitude is not more powerful because it's more important than your feelings. It's more powerful because it's more stubborn than your feelings. Let's look again at our example where the feelings are positive and the attitude is negative. We've seen people fall madly in love with someone who loved them in return. These same people had bad attitudes about love and relationships in general. Their feelings were not able to overpower their attitude. They believe 'it's never going to work out anyway' and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. By not believing in love, they destroy their good relationship and then feel hurt by the failed relationship. Their minds take that as evidence to further continue with the negative attitude regarding love. The reason the attitude wins the battle more often then our feelings is because feelings are ever-changing and flexible while attitudes are often locked into place and become an unmovable force.
What if the feelings were bad and the attitude was good? If you felt afraid that you might be rejected by the opposite sex, but you had a positive attitude towards love in general because you'd had 'happily ever after' role modeled to you as a child, then you could choose to keep moving forward despite your feelings of fear. Your attitude would win out over your feelings once again.
If your feelings and attitudes match, then you have an inner balance and harmony within yourself. Isn't this the age-old battle between heart and head? Attitude comes from your head and feelings come from your heart. When the two agree you are able to focus and move forward with confidence. When the two are at war you have to decide which is right... the heart's feelings or the head's attitude? Perhaps in sitting quietly and looking inward at our feelings and attitudes from a detached perspective, we can evaluate and chose for ourselves on a case-by-case basis which one should lead us.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.
Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our ability to achieve 'happily ever after.' Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if they are in conflict?
Feelings are what they are. We can't force them. You fall madly head over heels in love with someone or you don't. 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink' comes to mind as I try to explain feelings. There is no magical way to change how we feel. Our feelings aren't right or wrong, they just exist. Feelings are very powerful and definitely have a control over how we make choices and how we move through life. Think about the money, time, and focus we put into trying to feel good and avoiding feeling bad. It goes against human nature to want to feel bad.
Feelings are based in emotions. Emotions come from the heart. Therefore, I don't think we can change them from within our logical minds. If your girlfriend leaves you, then you feel hurt. You cannot be expected to simply stop feeling hurt. You will feel some level of sadness until you have finished feeling sad. It is possible to distract yourself for awhile, but the feelings will just lay dormant until you allow them time to fully run their course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself from the bad feelings of missing your girlfriend, but it will slow down the process. There are constructive things you can do to aid the processing of your feelings. Regardless of how you handle your feelings, you're going to feel what you feel until it works it's way through your heart. You might always miss her and feel a slight tug at your heart when you think back, but the overwhelming sadness will eventually pass. It always does. That's why they say 'time heals all wounds.' You can't maintain any one feeling indefinitely. Emotions by nature are shifting and uncontrollable. They simply are what they are.
What about our attitudes? An entire multi-million dollar industry has been built around the power of a positive attitude. The industry wouldn't have survived and thrived as it has if it wasn't a valid and real concept. Our attitudes are rooted in our belief systems. Our belief systems are chosen by our logical minds. Therefore, it is possible to make a conscious decision to change it. Our minds have complete and total control over what we believe. I don't think I need to bore you with another longwinded speech about the powers of a positive attitude. If you've ever tried it, then you have proven for yourself that it is possible to make an internal adjustment regarding your attitude.
So, which is stronger? Which has more influence over our choices and behaviors? Does one overpower the other? Let's say that you find yourself falling madly head over heals in love with someone. That's a feeling, an emotion. It comes from your heart. However, at the same time, you are entertaining a very pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships in general. The attitude comes from your mind. Which will win out, the feelings of falling in love or the dark attitude? It's hard to say. If you change your attitude, then the feelings of being in love can grow and perhaps become a wonderful source of joy for you. If you hold on tightly to your attitude, then eventually it will wear on the loving feelings and you will eventually stop loving that other person. What if the feelings of love were so amazingly powerful, that they caused the attitude to change and your core belief system about love and relationships changed too? Your feelings can definitely have an effect on your attitude, but more often than not, your attitude wins.
Your attitude is not more powerful because it's more important than your feelings. It's more powerful because it's more stubborn than your feelings. Let's look again at our example where the feelings are positive and the attitude is negative. We've seen people fall madly in love with someone who loved them in return. These same people had bad attitudes about love and relationships in general. Their feelings were not able to overpower their attitude. They believe 'it's never going to work out anyway' and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. By not believing in love, they destroy their good relationship and then feel hurt by the failed relationship. Their minds take that as evidence to further continue with the negative attitude regarding love. The reason the attitude wins the battle more often then our feelings is because feelings are ever-changing and flexible while attitudes are often locked into place and become an unmovable force.
What if the feelings were bad and the attitude was good? If you felt afraid that you might be rejected by the opposite sex, but you had a positive attitude towards love in general because you'd had 'happily ever after' role modeled to you as a child, then you could choose to keep moving forward despite your feelings of fear. Your attitude would win out over your feelings once again.
If your feelings and attitudes match, then you have an inner balance and harmony within yourself. Isn't this the age-old battle between heart and head? Attitude comes from your head and feelings come from your heart. When the two agree you are able to focus and move forward with confidence. When the two are at war you have to decide which is right... the heart's feelings or the head's attitude? Perhaps in sitting quietly and looking inward at our feelings and attitudes from a detached perspective, we can evaluate and chose for ourselves on a case-by-case basis which one should lead us.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.
 Google News Updated : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:51:44 GMT Christian Bale's lady sidekick: Sibi Bale - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - Like the Dark Knight/Bruce Wayne, Christian Bale is a real-life man of mystery. Averse to personal publicity, he is well-known for not wanting to discuss his private life. Christian Bale, Wife "Solid" at Knight's Spain Premiere Bale's family feud led to scuffle Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:10:31 GMT Billionaires Back Antismoking Effort - New York Times
New York Times - Bill Gates and New York Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg announced their antismoking initiative on Wednesday in New York. By DONALD G. MCNEIL JR Bill Gates and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg announced on Wednesday that they would spend $500 million to stop ... Video: Gates, Bloomberg Pool Riches to Fight Smoking The $500 million war on smoking Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:23:48 GMT Discovery may boost statin safety - BBC News
BBC News - Scientists have pinpointed a gene mutation as a major cause of a rare side effect of the cholesterol-lowering drugs statins. They hope the discovery could lead to a simple test to identify patients at increased risk of myopathy - severe muscle pain and ... Gene May Predict Cholesterol-Lowering Drug Risk, Study Says Genetic Cause of Statin-Related Muscle Pain Found Publ.Date : Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:14:24 GMT Favre's heir? With backing from mates, Rodgers waits patiently - USA Today
USA Today - By Matt Ludtke, AP By Larry Weisman, USA TODAY He no longer sounds like a retired player after seemingly passing on the opportunity to lead a talent-laden Packers squad. Video: The Rift Between Favre and the Packers Finding new home for Brett Favre won't be easy Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:06:18 GMT Rapper 50 Cent sues Taco Bell over ad - New York Daily News
New York Daily News - BY THOMAS ZAMBITO The rapper - real name Curtis Jackson - is suing the fast-food chain for using his hip-hop persona to tout its tacos. 50 Cent sues Taco Bell over ad campaign Rapper 50 Cent says Taco Bell stole his endorsement Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:15:09 GMT Zimbabwe Parties May Sign Unity Deal Soon, Business Day Reports - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Carli Lourens July 24 (Bloomberg) -- Zimbabwe's ruling and opposition parties may sign a power-sharing agreement soon as they have already agreed on a wide range of issues, Business Day reported, citing people it didn't identify. Fearsome Zimbabwe militias are afraid Delayed Zimbabwe Power-Sharing Talks Seen Beginning Thursday Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:23:06 GMT Karadzic lived the good life with wine, song - Reuters
Reuters - By Ivana Sekularac BELGRADE (Reuters) - Radovan Karadzic lived the good life while hiding from justice for 11 years: he watched his diet, fell in love and hung out in a small bar where hardliners gathered to sing about his wartime exploits. Video: Karadzic's arrest sparks clashes - 23 Jul 08 Karadzic's secret life enthralls his fellow Serbs Publ.Date : Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:05:33 GMT Clickbank Data Feeds |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... What do you think about happiness? A philosophical approach to... Read More In what areas of your life would you like to... Read More This is one of my all time favourite problem solving... Read More Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have... Read More Many of my clients are working harder than smarter. This... Read More "Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but... Read More What makes you happy? What are the simple pleasures that... Read More Did you know that according to research, children laugh about... Read More Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness?For many people... Read More A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great... Read More Here's a multiple choice question for you. Who is more... Read More Have you ever had one of those days where you... Read More Don't Let Life Happen To You ... Read More True happiness is such a rare commodity that the whole... Read More People's lives today are jam-packed with great projects, ideas, to-do... Read More Where does happiness fit on a scale of 1 to... Read More Our sense of smell elicits strong emotional reactions and trigger... Read More Though his racing speed is a maximum 6 feet per... Read More Want to make a difference? What can one person do?... Read More It seems like I set out in this life to... Read More Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard.... Read More Women are conditioned to be people pleasers. Women are taught... Read More Each moment is filled with miracles - very special treasures... Read More "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise... Read More Are you an adrenaline junkie who is looking for balance?... Read More
Adsense
websites
The Art Of Happy Living
Boosting Your Success with Six Easy Happiness Tips
Great Relationship Problem Solving Technique
10 Steps to Happily Ever After
Get Out Those Legos
Life Management Skills for Greater Happiness
Happy Buttons
Laughter and Your Health
The Elusive Butterfly of Happiness
Your Perfect Partner
Who Is More Likely To Be Happy?
7 Surprising Keys to Happiness
Dont Let Life Happen to You
What is Happiness and How to Achieve It?
Simplify - and Be Happy
Who Controls YOUR Happiness?
Design Psychology: How to Create Happy Homes Using Scents
Making Peace With Sloth: The Value of Natural Pace
Get Right! Make a Difference
Growing Up Backwards
Breaking the Cycle
Could Your Thoughts Sabotage Your Happiness? Take This Quiz And Find Out
Discover a Momentary Miracle
Getting Connected
Chasing The Whats Next
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Happiness Is Truly M.A.G.I.C.A.L. (TM)
The year is almost half over. Many of us are... Read More
How Good Are You?
The demands of being a good person can sometimes mean... Read More
Hanging Out
Right off the top: What is the difference between dating... Read More
Giving Attention To Happiness
When I left England in 2000 there did not seem... Read More
Its All About Me: Why Its Good to Be Selfish
I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of... Read More
Personal Alchemy, Turn Your Suffering into Gold
I am sure it is safe to say that each... Read More
You Need To Start To Like Yourself
If you have a very low self esteem or a... Read More
Self Confidence, Happiness, and Posture
Our use of body posture plays a key role in... Read More
10 Survival Strategies to Overcoming Adversity and Being Happy
If one thing is for certain, each of us will... Read More
Today It Is ... Tomorrow It Will Be ...
What is your life like today? What do you want... Read More
There is a Cure for the Summertime Blues
I have never lived anywhere else where when you walk... Read More
Got Play?
Passion Love Action You! Playing with your own divinity, spirit,... Read More
Happiness And Health Are The Two Most Important Things In Life
The world is becoming obsessed with money and all things... Read More
What Is Happiness?
What is it that everyone is seeking? Happiness with no... Read More
Can Existential Therapy Give You a Sense of Wellbeing?
My journey to becoming a therapist began with a desire... Read More
Flowers Truly Reach Your Soul
Flowers are a simple, sincere and unobtrusive way to lift... Read More
The Key To A Problem-Free Life
What comes to your mind when you see someone who... Read More
Design Psychology: How to Create Happy Homes Using Scents
Our sense of smell elicits strong emotional reactions and trigger... Read More
Simplify - and Be Happy
People's lives today are jam-packed with great projects, ideas, to-do... Read More
Wisdom
What is wisdom? But first, what are the conditions that... Read More
Top 10 Secrets for Being HAPPY!
One of my favorite songs is Bobby McFerrin's refrain, "Don't... Read More
Inner Peace
Are you content and at inner peace?Or are you insecure... Read More
Happiness Fleeting
"You cannot capture happiness no matter how hard you may... Read More
Love is All You Need
Boiled down to all of our essence, all we really... Read More
Choose To Be Happy - NOW!
The older I get, the more I realize that ninety... Read More
Finding Happiness |