Great Relationship Problem Solving Technique

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get along with other people. But really, the technique can be applied to any problem at all, not just the ones that are about relationships. If you're going around in circles with a relationship problem, it can really help to step back and break the problem down into groups. Here's how to do it:

First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don't try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.

GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People

Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it's tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it's so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let's face it - other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.

GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem

In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let's say your partner won't spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be "We need ___ to spend more time at home".

GROUP THREE: YOU

Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.

OK: Time to Start Culling...

When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because?..

You cannot change OTHER PEOPLE

But how great would it be if we could? We'd live blissfully in a world full of people who were just like us....or would we?? Now, I'm not saying that people will not change of their own accord. It just means that if they do change, it will be because they choose to, not because you tell them that they should. Don't waste your time and energy on those parts of the problem that you cannot control!

Okay, now do the same with the group 2 list; screw it up and throw it away! Because....

You cannot change the facts

So now, all that is left is the list you have made for group 3. Your problem has just gotten a whole lot smaller because you've thrown away 2 of the lists! Have a good look at this third list. Are there any things in the list you have made that you feel you truly cannot change? If so, remove these items from the list ? you must only use your energy on the things you do have the ability to influence.

Now, looking at the remaining things on the list, are there any things that you do not want to change? This is really important! If you don't want to change something about yourself, then you will not; it's that simple! But keep this in mind; writing this list is all about taking personal responsibility for what is not working in your life. This technique will help you to focus on the parts of your problem that you CAN do something about. By now, you should have in your hot little hand a practical, do-able list that you can turn into an action plan. So the message is clear....

Find out what you can do about it and then take action!

*** You are licensed to publish this article free of charge, on condition that the author's name is included, and the link to her website remains visible and clickable to human readers, and as long as the links can be read and followed by the search engine spiders. ***

Sonia Devine is a qualified professional hypnotherapist and success coach with a caring and committed approach to healing, who lives in Melbourne, Australia. You can find more of her information on mental health, self image, love, relationships, phobias and much more on her website Manifest Your Success

---

Google News Updated : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 08:05:30 GMT House committee widens probe of Vytorin safety - International Herald Tribune ChattahBox House committee widens probe of Vytorin safety International Herald Tribune - 7 hours ago AP TRENTON, NJ: A House committee investigating the safety and effectiveness of the popular cholesterol drug Vytorin and one of its components is turning up the heat on the drug's makers. Many Questions About Vytorin New York Times Drug Scare Shenanigans FOXNews Reuters - U.S. News & World Report - Forbes - MedPage Today all 547 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:32:18 GMT UN warns of Haiti flooding crisis - BBC News BBC News UN warns of Haiti flooding crisis BBC News - 1 hour ago Several hundred thousand people need help in Haiti, which is suffering severe flooding after being hit by a series of tropical storms, the UN says. Attempts to Aid Desperate Haitians Hindered by Floodwaters Washington Post Storms line up to slam western Atlantic, southeastern US AFP Telegraph.co.uk - The Associated Press - Chicago Tribune - Bradenton Herald all 2,575 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:05:26 GMT Tropical Storm Hanna aiming for Massachusetts - Boston Globe ABC News Tropical Storm Hanna aiming for Massachusetts Boston Globe - 3 hours ago By Andrew Ryan and Martin Finucane, Globe Staff Tropical Storm Hanna is expected to churn up the Atlantic coast and lash Massachusetts this weekend with winds gusting up to 50 mph near the coast and up to four inches of rain. Video: Hanna Nears US, but Stronger Ike Looms AssociatedPress Area departments gearing up for Hanna's arrival Attleboro Sun Chronicle Sun-Sentinel.com - Opelousas Daily World - The Associated Press all 5,279 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:23:14 GMT Stocks: A Terrible Thursday - BusinessWeek Washington Post Stocks: A Terrible Thursday BusinessWeek - 2 hours ago Major US indexes each tumbled nearly 3% as worries intensified over the health of the economy. All eyes are on Friday's jobs report Market players were probably wondering Thursday why they bothered to come back from their summer vacations. Stocks Are Broadly Lower Tracking Falls on Wall Street Wall Street Journal Stocks slide on economic worries CNNMoney.com Seattle Times - Los Angeles Times - Forbes - New York Times all 821 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 05:53:27 GMT Kilpatrick's rise and fall - Detroit Free Press Washington Post Kilpatrick's rise and fall Detroit Free Press - 37 minutes ago BY BILL McGRAW • FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER • September 5, 2008 Kwame Kilpatrick entered the mayor's office with extraordinary gifts -- charisma, savvy, flair, pedigree, connections, ambition and chutzpah -- everything a 31-year-old needed to make a ... Video: A Timeline of Detroit Mayor's Text Scandal AssociatedPress Detroit’s Mayor Will Leave Office and Go to Jail New York Times Chicago Tribune - San Jose Mercury News - DetNews.com - Wall Street Journal all 5,822 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:27:50 GMT Jesse Jackson hospitalized for stomach pains - Chicago Tribune United Press International Jesse Jackson hospitalized for stomach pains Chicago Tribune - 1 hour ago By Jeremy Gorner | Chicago Tribune reporter Rev. Jesse Jackson was being treated Thursday in Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago after falling ill. Video: Rev. Jesse Jackson Hospitalized AssociatedPress Jesse Jackson hospitalized after stomach pains USA Today Atlanta Journal Constitution - Entertainment Tonight News - CNN Political Ticker - AHN all 328 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:00:48 GMT Arthritis Drugs Linked to Risks From Infection - New York Times WNCT Arthritis Drugs Linked to Risks From Infection New York Times - 6 hours ago By AP WASHINGTON (AP) - The Food and Drug Administration ordered stronger warnings Thursday on four medications widely used to treat rheumatoid arthritis and other serious illnesses, saying they can raise the risk of possibly fatal fungal infections. Deaths Heighten Arthritis Drugs Warning WebMD Nation Digest 4 arthritis drugs get tougher warnings Seattle Times U.S. News & World Report - Reuters - Bloomberg all 491 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 01:38:34 GMT RSS to HTML Increase Web Traffic

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Follow Your Bliss

Gail was a quiet, shy, young lady. She has been... Read More

Why Choosing To Be Happy Is Not Enough

I talked in a recent article about how every moment... Read More

Got Play?

Passion Love Action You! Playing with your own divinity, spirit,... Read More

Define Me

We've all had a vision or a great idea and... Read More

The Science of Laughter

The title I chose for this article makes me smile.... Read More

How Can I Tell What Vibes Im Sending Out?

The Law of Attraction exists in your life right now;... Read More

Self Identity: Who Are You?

Self-identity? Who are you really? We identify with many things,... Read More

Happiness Is Truly M.A.G.I.C.A.L. (TM)

The year is almost half over. Many of us are... Read More

Design Psychology: How to Create Happy Homes Using Scents

Our sense of smell elicits strong emotional reactions and trigger... Read More

Happy Talk and 3 Simple Secrets to Happiness

What is the one thing you want more than anything... Read More

Conversational Negative Self-Talk

Most people don't even know they're doing it. Throughout the... Read More

The Gift is in the Giving

I have to be honest. I made the woman cashier... Read More

Who Is More Likely To Be Happy?

Here's a multiple choice question for you. Who is more... Read More

Achievement and Happiness the 80/20 Way

If there was ever a principle that was responsible for... Read More

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard.... Read More

Things To Do To Beat The Blues

As moms we all tend to get the blues, we... Read More

Its All About Me: Why Its Good to Be Selfish

I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of... Read More

The American Dream ? At What Cost?

When people are asked, "How many of you are content... Read More

Chasing The Whats Next

Are you an adrenaline junkie who is looking for balance?... Read More

Getting Out Of Dodge

The freeway was relatively clear. It was early in the... Read More

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

Well, doesn't that depend on what's causing you to be... Read More

7 Unique Ways To Make Someone Smile

Do you want to put a smile on someone's face?... Read More

Believing is the Absence of Doubt

You've heard the expression, "Just believe it and it will... Read More

Happiness Increases Longevity...Where Do We Find This Gift of Life?

According to U.S. research, you can add seven and a... Read More

Creating Happiness

Whatever we want in life, a partner, more money, good... Read More