Creating Better Relationships

The most important achievements you can ever have in this life is your own happiness.

And the majority of all the happiness you will ever have, will come from your personal relationships. Your interactions and the time you spend with the people you care about will be the major source of the pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction you have on a daily basis.

The key to a happy family life is communication and the amount of time you spend with the people you love. It is not the quality of time, but the quantity of time that counts. The expression "quality time" is used by people to justify and excuse the fact that their lives are so disorganized that they do not spend much time with their spouse or their children. The fact is, that quality time is a function of quantity. Quality moments are those little moments that are precious, unexpected, and important. They arise during the process of spending a large quantity of uninterrupted time with another person. You can't dictate these moments in advance and you can't decide to have quality time. You don't go to it. It comes to you.

There are many ways to get the greatest amount of quality and happiness from your relationships with the members of your family. Perhaps the most important is to spend uninterrupted time with your spouse on a daily basis. You should set aside time together each night to talk after your children have gone to bed. But, it is equally important for you and your spouse to take some time every morning to communicate and interact as well.

Studies have shown that one of the most important things a man can do in a marriage is to help out with the various household and family responsibilities. Help prepare the meals, or take over the responsibility of cleaning up afterward. Help to get the children ready for school or for their activities, and take them there personally so that you can have one-on-one time with them.

One of the most important things that couples can do is to spend the first 30 to 60 minutes after work talking about how their day went. When they come home, many men have the habit of talking about their own days and then watching the television or reading the newspaper, while their wife is left to deal with the children and prepare dinner. And this inevitably causes stress and problems in the relationship.

The key to your emotional stability, and peace of mind is happiness and harmony within your family. So if you're a man, take the time to ask your wife about her day and then listen to all the things that she has to deal with before you start talking about your day. Most men are surprised when they first do this. They find that their wife's day has been equally as interesting as their day has been, if not far more interesting.

One of the most common problems in any relationship is stress. Stress often comes about because we think we know our spouse really well. This knowledge can become a dangerous thing. It can become a communications trap and cause a great deal of stress in a relationship. A communications trap is when we try to read our spouse's mind and then interpret and anticipate what he or she is feeling.

For example, we will often see an expression on our spouse's face that we think we recognize or we think we hear something in his or her voice, and then we act on what we assume he or she is thinking or feeling. But, often, these assumptions aren't reflective of what our spouse is actually feeling. In other words, we're acting on misinformation.

It is important in any relationship to be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Between what you actually see and hear, and what you imagine or assume you see and hear. Just because your spouse might have a frown on his or her face, don't automatically assume something is wrong. He or she might just be thinking or contemplating about something. And if you keep pushing to find out what is wrong, you will often cause unnecessary stress and a problem.

If you see your spouse's arms crossed and his or her lips curled downward don't automatically assume they're angry. Instead of automatically assuming your spouse is angry or upset about something and then asking what he or she is angry about. Imagine how you feel when you have your arms crossed and you lips curled down. Are you upset, angry, or just lost in thought? Think about how you would feel before you start making any assumptions.

When we first met our spouse, we loved him or her, even with all their bad habits. We overlooked the fact that he or she was sloppy or always late, and we focused on the things we loved about him or her. But now, five, ten, or twenty years later, we do the opposite. All we can see is the mess, or that our spouse is always late, or whatever the problem is. We forget, or more often take for granted all the things we loved about that person. This focus on the negative begins a vicious cycle in which we see only the negative, and then feel that's all there is to that person, and then the relationship begins to spiral downward.

When this happens, take the time to sit quietly by yourself and remember what things were like when you first met you spouse. Remember all the things you loved. Remember the things you did together that were really fun. Ask yourself, how long has it been since you told your spouse what you appreciate about him or her. Then, after dinner and the kids have gone to bed, unplug the telephone, go to a nice relaxing place in the house, and tell your spouse what is on your list. Tell him or her some of the things you've been taking for granted, some of the things you've been overlooking in the relationship.

If you do this, and remember all the things you really love and appreciate about your spouse, and then take some time to talk to him or her about them, the results will be wonderful.

One of the keys to a happy relationship is to never make assumptions based on what you think a person's body language is saying. Remove the mind reading and guesswork out of your communication. Don't be a mind reader. Instead, be a curious observer.

Your children have a tremendous need to communicate with you. In fact, research has shown that the one factor that is more important than any other in the development of children is the amount of one-on-one time that parents spend with their children. When parents don't spend a lot of time with their children individually , they send a message to their children that they are not very valuable or important. This causes children to experience feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem, and a negative self-image. And this will often lead to poor grades and behavioral problems.

When parents take the time to sit down with their children and ask questions and listen to what is going on in their minds, the children will feel a deep sense of value and importance. The children will have more self-confidence, happiness, and be better able to develop good relationships with others.

We have to remember that we are all value creators in everything we do. If you own a business, you have to create value for you employees or they will not continue to work for you. You have to continually create value for your customers or they won't continue to do business with you. The same is true in your relationships, whether it is your spouse or a close personal friend. You have to constantly create value for the other person and satisfy their needs or they won't stay in the relationship.

You don't have to be superman or superwoman to properly balance the demands of your work and the needs of your family. You must, however, be more thoughtful, and be a better planner, use your time more effectively, and continually think of ways to enhance the quality of your life in both areas. If you set this as a goal and resolve to work toward it every day, you will gradually become far more efficient, effective, and a far happier person. And that is the most important achievement of all.

Copyright© 2005 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive and marketing consultant, Joe's work in personal development focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound personal happiness and peace.

Reach Joe at: joe@jlmandassociates.com

Read more articles and newsletters at: http://www.jlmandassociates.com

---

Google News Updated : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:50:00 GMT Kenya deports anti-Obama author - Christian Science Monitor BBC News Kenya deports anti-Obama author Christian Science Monitor - 4 hours ago Jerome Corsi, author of "Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality," tried to launch his new book, but violated immigration rules, Kenyan officials say. Barack Obama's African grandmother Sarah Onyango Obama roots for him Times Online Anti-Barack Obama author detained while promoting his book in Kenya Los Angeles Times AFP - The Associated Press - New York Times - BBC News all 507 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:09:55 GMT Fitch says AMD factory move has no ratings impact - Forbes Canada.com Fitch says AMD factory move has no ratings impact Forbes - 51 minutes ago AP 10.07.08, 3:48 PM ET Fitch Ratings said Tuesday Advanced Micro Devices Inc.'s ratings are not affected by the chip maker's plans to spin off factories into a new joint venture with investors in the Persian Gulf state of Abu Dhabi. What AMD's fab spinoff means for Intel, industry MarketWatch Who Benefits From AMD’s Financial Engineering? New York Times The Associated Press - BusinessWeek - Motley Fool - Bizjournals.com all 656 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:58:11 GMT Get moving: Guidelines set healthy activity levels - The Associated Press ABC News Get moving: Guidelines set healthy activity levels The Associated Press - 38 minutes ago WASHINGTON (AP) - Get moving: New exercise guidelines released Tuesday set a minimum sweat allotment for good health. For most adults, that's 2 1/2 hours a week. Government tells Americans to take stairs, go out and play Bizjournals.com Get 2 1/2 hours of exercise per week, US says Reuters USA Today - Food Consumer - MarketWatch - MyFox Dallas all 183 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:11:51 GMT Fed Announces Plan to Buy Short-Term Debt - New York Times Telegraph.co.uk Fed Announces Plan to Buy Short-Term Debt New York Times - 58 minutes ago By EDMUND L. ANDREWS and MICHAEL M. GRYNBAUM WASHINGTON - The Federal Reserve announced a radical new plan on Tuesday to jump-start the engine of the financial system. Fed makes boldest move yet Christian Science Monitor Federal Reserve to buy up short-term commercial debt Los Angeles Times Bloomberg - NECN - The Associated Press - Wall Street Journal all 1,716 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:51:44 GMT Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS - San Jose Mercury News dBTechno Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS San Jose Mercury News - 8 hours ago By Linda Goldston Ayde Gonzales's mother was surprised when she insisted that her newborn son must sleep on his back, not on his side. Fan Use May Save Your Baby’s Life, Reduces SIDS Risk eFluxMedia Fan in Room Seems to Cut Infants’ Risk of Crib Death New York Times Bloomberg - Wall Street Journal - U.S. News & World Report - WebMD all 612 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:46:19 GMT Union-Backed Party Opposes Term Limits Plan - New York Times New York Daily News Union-Backed Party Opposes Term Limits Plan New York Times - 1 hour ago By Fernanda Santos The Working Families Party began on Tuesday the labor community’s first major offensive against Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s plan to change term limit laws through legislation that would extend to three, from two, the number of terms ... UPDATE 1-NYC lawmakers to weigh bill raising term limits Reuters Bill to end term limits introduced in City Council New York Daily News New York Times Blogs - WNYC - Campaigns & Elections - Crain's New York Business all 331 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:15:23 GMT Axelrod Says Obama Will Counterpunch if McCain Raises Ayres - New York Times Axelrod Says Obama Will Counterpunch if McCain Raises Ayres New York Times - 2 hours ago By Patrick Healy NASHVILLE - Senator Barack Obama is prepared to hit back, including with Keating Five scandal if necessary, if Senator John McCain uses tonight’s presidential debate to attack him over his associations with controversial figures like ... Video: AP Campaign Minute AssociatedPress Palin Adds Fannie Mae Execs to List of Objectionable Obama Associates Washington Post The Associated Press - U.S. News & World Report - FOXNews - Christian Science Monitor all 4,761 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:32:14 GMT Merchant Datafeeds Amazon RSS Feed Generator

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Smile

How do we smile at each other? Is there a... Read More

The Voiceless

WE count the broken lyres that rest Where the sweet... Read More

How To Make Your Own Happiness

Happiness comes to a person when it is caused by... Read More

Suffering

Since wisdom is the art of coping with suffering, it... Read More

Discover a Momentary Miracle

Each moment is filled with miracles - very special treasures... Read More

Acts of Kindness Benefit Everyone

Do you really want to be happy? Everyone says yes,... Read More

Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out... Read More

Creating Happiness

Whatever we want in life, a partner, more money, good... Read More

Uncover Emotional Secrets and Live a Happier Life

Can you remember a time when you became a little... Read More

Live Happily Ever After!

So many people overwork themselves literary in the quest for... Read More

How A Psychovirus May Be Destroying Your Life

A pervasive sense of low self-esteem, a feeling of unworthiness,... Read More

Believing is the Absence of Doubt

You've heard the expression, "Just believe it and it will... Read More

Love Yourself First ? Im Happy. Youre Happy. Were All Happy!

As a teenager growing up reading 'Blue Jeans' and 'Jackie',... Read More

Having Fun with Life

It was just a few degrees shy of swimming weather... Read More

How To Dance With Life

Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right... Read More

Getting Out Of Dodge

The freeway was relatively clear. It was early in the... Read More

Simple Pleasures: Ingredients to Feed Your Spirit.

"When we do something we love, again and again, our... Read More

Happiness - A Choice You Must Make

Over the course of my life's journey I have come... Read More

Norman Rockwell ? The Man Who Created His Own Reality

In preparation for a class I taught today, I spent... Read More

Your Perfect Partner

A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great... Read More

Most of Your Unhappiness in Life is Due to...

I want to share with you today one of those... Read More

You Can?t See Your Own Eyes

My friend called me this morning from her favorite coffee... Read More

Happiness Fleeting

"You cannot capture happiness no matter how hard you may... Read More

Design Psychology: How Our Sensory Responses to Aromas Create Happy Homes

Our sense of smell elicits strong emotional reactions and triggers... Read More

Uncovering Your Joy: Using a Personal Journal to Discover a Life Filled with Happiness

Author Tristine Rainer wrote "Happiness within a diary has less... Read More