Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died. She knew I'd suffered the loss of my mother and wanted some insight on how to deal with it. Unfortunately for her, I had no advice...shit...I'm still dealing with it.

Every single day I think about my mother. I think about her living and breathing. Talking to me, laughing with me, yelling at me. But I never, ever think about her death. This email made me think of that so I began resenting that email. I began resenting that someone else had to deal with a mother who was dead. And I really resented that someone thought I was an expert on dealing with dead mothers. If you get to be an expert on anything...the last thing you want to be is an expert on dead mothers.

When I clean my home, I remember doing the same with my mother. Saturday was cleaning day and I always equate lemon fresh Pledge with her. I think of my mother often. I miss her every single day. I find myself wondering...I wonder what my mother would think of this duvet cover. Or I wonder what she would think of my efforts to create a beautiful home. I know it's weird that I know she's gone but I don't wonder about her as if she's dead...I wonder about her as if she's still in Louisiana wondering what I'm doing too. I know...crazy me.

Death is pretty permanent. It's as permanent as it gets actually. It's the end. I like to think of my mother being everywhere. I don't like thinking of her as a skeleton in a casket under 6 feet of dirt on the side of an old church in the country. That's too permanent.

I didn't have much to offer she-whose-mother-just-past. I don't know her that well so was unable to infer much. I offered what I could. A place to come and rest and just be without the responsibility of dealing with death. Granted, with her in my home, in my space, in my world I...would have the responsibility of dealing with death. With personal death. With my own permanent tragedy.

I invited her into my haven where I am safe from all things painful and I helped her in a very small way deal with her mother's death at the expense of my peace. She left yesterday and I turned to my guy and the normalcy of my life to bring me back from my abyss.

I, Monica Lenay Pattan Mingo, a self-professed, uptight, prude bitch, allowed someone to hurt me without knowing because I knew how badly she was hurting. I didn't feel a kinship with her. I just felt renewed in my own personal, permanent pain, in my infinite grief. And I left knowing only one sure thing...I'm not cut out to be a hero.

http://www.MonicaMingo.com

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 20:07:30 GMT McCain, Obama battle over economy, leadership - AFP Telegraph.co.uk McCain, Obama battle over economy, leadership AFP - 51 minutes ago COLORADO SPRINGS, Colorado (AFP) - Economic issues dominated the campaign trail Saturday as presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and John McCain battled over who could best lead the nation in troubled times. Reuters Politics Summary Washington Post Barack Obama, John McCain say they hate meddlers ... but both ... Los Angeles Times Intellectual Conservative - WGN - Financial Times all 650 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:15:37 GMT "Bangkok" a skillful action excursion - Reuters E! Online "Bangkok" a skillful action excursion Reuters - 15 hours ago By Stephen Farber LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Everything is relative in the realm of hyperviolent movies, and compared to this summer's other assassination thriller, "Wanted," "Bangkok Dangerous" is a model of restraint and moral rectitude. 'Dangerous' prosperous at box office Variety An Assassin Arrives to Turn Off the Lights New York Times Boston Herald - Boston Globe - Roanoke Times - Buffalo News all 251 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 04:41:52 GMT Boeing Machinists Take To Picket Line After Talks Collapse - CNNMoney.com Washington Post Boeing Machinists Take To Picket Line After Talks Collapse CNNMoney.com - 1 hour ago NEW YORK (AFP)-- Boeing machinists took to the picket line on Saturday as they launched a strike that has halted production and could cost the US aerospace giant more than $100 million per day. Low strike pay could limit length of Boeing work stoppage BloggingStocks Boeing machinists walk off the job MarketWatch Wall Street Journal - New York Times - AHN - Reuters all 2,440 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 18:46:08 GMT Buckeyes survive Ohio's threat, 26-14 - The Associated Press The Associated Press Buckeyes survive Ohio's threat, 26-14 The Associated Press - 35 minutes ago COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) - Beanie Wells didn't play. The Ohio Bobcats sure did. Lightly regarded even in the Mid-American Conference, Ohio put a scare into No. Ohio State Football: OSU 26, OU 14 The Plain Dealer - cleveland.com Posted by ESPN.com's Adam Rittenberg ESPN USA Today - Columbus Dispatch - Chillicothe Gazette - SBR Forum all 172 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:31:47 GMT 'Wrestler' brings Venice fest to its feet - Hollywood Reporter Hollywood Reporter 'Wrestler' brings Venice fest to its feet Hollywood Reporter - 52 minutes ago By Eric J. Lyman VENICE -- "The Wrestler" was the toast of the Lido on the Venice Film Festival's penultimate day, with star Mickey Rourke's interpretation of an aging wrestler struggling to come to terms with the end of his career creating a buzz that ... 'The Wrestler' wins Venice Film Fest top award The Associated Press Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. TIME Bloomberg - Reuters - Monsters and Critics.com - Los Angeles Times all 327 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:14:35 GMT Journals week in review: news from One Microsoft Way - Ars Technica Washington Post Journals week in review: news from One Microsoft Way Ars Technica - 1 hour ago By Emil Protalinski | Published: September 06, 2008 - 01:15PM CT First Gates-Seinfeld ad leaves us scratching our heads. The first Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates ad has arrived. Seinfeld ads only part of Microsoft push United Press International Windows Vista: The OS About Nothing InformationWeek New York Times - Slashdot - Apple Insider - CRN all 499 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 18:27:03 GMT Obama, McCain to Honor Victims of 9/11 Together - Voice of America ABC News Obama, McCain to Honor Victims of 9/11 Together Voice of America - 1 hour ago By VOA News US presidential candidates Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain have agreed to appear together on September 11, the seventh anniversary of the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington. Conventions, Anything but Dull, Are a TV Hit New York Times Comment by John S. Baick Professor of History, Western New England College Newsday - CNN - Argus Press - Bloomberg all 4,236 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:01:14 GMT Automatic Blogging RSS Software

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