Rambling Confessions of a Recovering Entrepreneur

I told my family that I finally accepted that my passion had become an ob- session, and you could even call it an addiction. They all laughed. What had taken me 25 years to accept, they had known for years. My wife detected my addiction as early as our honeymoon in Paris. All I wanted to do was spend time at the Bourse trading francs on the spot market. She kept on nudging me to see some old picture in the Louvre.

For my daughter, it became clear when I demanded that her prom date be an officer in Junior Achievement. I thought it was a good way to ensure that she dated a young man with career aspirations. She saw it differently.

It had been six months since I had read a business plan. And I missed it. I mumbled when the Wall Street Journal driver came down my block? only to skip my house. My wife had a block on our cable television - no more MSNBC, and it was no better on the Internet; I couldn't access Bloomberg.

Last Tuesday, a power stronger then myself won out. I don't know how, but I ended up at the Harvard-Yale-Princeton Club. My eyes focused on the booths along the back wall. I immediately saw the signs. A shot of single-malt Scotch, half finished, was being used as a paperweight on a four-color business plan. The reader, a silver-haired executive with monogrammed reading glasses, was analyzing spreadsheets as he simultaneously served volleys of staccato-like questions at the young man across the table.

This young man was obviously new to the game. His dark blue suit looked like he had not worn it since his bar mitzvah, and the tie must have been knotted eight years ago and never unraveled. He had ordered the latest micro-brew, but had not taken even one sip.

I sat at the next booth and listened in. I smiled as I heard the two argue over burn rates, traction projections, alpha/ beta sites, and most stridently about valuations.

A cell phone rang, and the single-malt Scotch stood and walked a few steps to take the call in private. I jumped up and got into micro-brew's face. I told him he was under-capitalized. He was giving away his intellectual property. His burn rate was twice as fast as this so-called "angel" investor was revealing. Big Pharma would pay a much higher multiple for the company if he would listen to my suggestions.

He looked bewildered. I said it again, "Don't make the deal - you'll lose your company to this chamber of commerce man of the year wanna-be in seven months."

The conversation on the cell phone ended, and Mister Single Malt Scotch asked, "Do we have a deal? " Micro-brew looked at him, then me, and said?. "No way!" He reached for his beer and slid into my booth.

I don't have to tell you what happened next. You all know it too well. We sat for three and a half hours, re-doing spreadsheets on his laptop, and playing out various pro-formas.

I finally stumbled home, embarrassed and yet delirious with joy over the deal I had structured. My wife could see me hiding the business plan under my coat. She demanded to see my cell phone. Quickly she went through the calls I had made in the last four hours. She knew the area codes: New York, Brussels, London, and my newest haunt, New Delhi. I had been lining up angel investors.

What could I say? I had already used up my inventory of "I promise it will never happen again." She had been going to her own meetings and knew that she needed to go on with her life and not let my addiction manipulate her.

Had I called my sponsor? She had not seen his number in my cell phone's call list. " No," I whispered.

She made me return to Entrepreneurs Anonymous (EA). I had stopped going to my meetings. I had beaten it or so I thought. But the truth is, we never do. I was just like everyone else in EA. I matched the profile perfectly. Eighty percent of members have a relapse within their first six months. I was now another data-point confirming that statistic.

Hesh Reinfeld writes a syndicated business humor column. You can read additional examples of his columns on his website: http://www.heshreinfeld.com Or contact him at hesh1@comcast.net

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Google News Updated : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 12:25:52 GMT Experts: Silver lining for ‘viable’ Mitt Romney - Boston Herald Experts: Silver lining for ‘viable’ Mitt Romney Boston Herald - 8 hours ago By Edward Mason Mitt Romney - once a top contender to be John McCain’s running mate - may have suffered a bruised ego when he was passed over for the little known Gov. It's not Pawlenty, it's Palin Worthington Daily Globe Pawlenty, after the pick, another day at fair Minneapolis Star Tribune Post-Bulletin - Washington Post - Grand Forks Herald - CNN all 2,700 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 04:13:29 GMT US Oil, Gas Producers, Pipelines Brace for Gustav (Update1) - Bloomberg ABC News US Oil, Gas Producers, Pipelines Brace for Gustav (Update1) Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Margot Habiby Aug. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Royal Dutch Shell Plc and BP Plc plan to finish shutting oil and gas production platforms in the Gulf of Mexico and Enbridge Energy Partners LP will close pipelines as Hurricane Gustav gains strength and moves ... More volatility seen with hurricane, payrolls Reuters Airlines bounce as oil gives up early gains MarketWatch Forbes - DesMoinesRegister.com - CNNMoney.com - guardian.co.uk all 3,463 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:21:02 GMT Comcast to Place a Cap on Internet Downloads - New York Times ABC News Comcast to Place a Cap on Internet Downloads New York Times - 3 hours ago By BRIAN STELTER Comcast, one of the country’s largest Internet providers, said this week that it would place limits on customers’ broadband usage. Comcast's Answer to ... InternetNews.com Critics Question Comcast Broadband Caps PC World CNET News - Wall Street Journal - ZDNet - InformationWeek all 386 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 09:08:14 GMT Obama campaign buoyed by convention - Los Angeles Times ABC News Obama campaign buoyed by convention Los Angeles Times - 5 hours ago He sees an unusually strong jump in support after the carefully choreographed event in Denver. By Peter Nicholas, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer DENVER -- Amy Pearl is the sort of Democrat who made the Barack Obama campaign nervous. Look out, Palin The Hillary factor . . . Chicago Sun-Times Hillary supporters aren't bitter; they're concerned Chicago Tribune The Associated Press - CNN - Philadelphia Inquirer - New York Daily News all 8,528 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 07:00:48 GMT S. Ossetia to be absorbed into Russia - United Press International BBC News S. Ossetia to be absorbed into Russia United Press International - 1 hour ago TSKHINVALI, Georgia, Aug. 30 (UPI) -- South Ossetia says it will become part of Russia and host Russian military bases under a new agreement. Video: UN does have double standards RussiaToday Kremlin announces that South Ossetia will Times Online The Associated Press - AFP - Civil Georgia - New York Times all 6,104 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:01:52 GMT Sign of the times - BBC News San Diego Union Tribune Sign of the times BBC News - 1 hour ago As Russia and the West warn of a new Cold War after the Georgian conflict, the BBC's Humphrey Hawksley in Moscow tries to imagine what it would look like. European Union to Hold Urgent Meeting on Russia Voice of America last straw" for Russia Reuters New York Times - Financial Times - Wall Street Journal - Jerusalem Post all 333 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:10:28 GMT Hurricane Gustav Strengthens, Accelerates, Heads for Cuba, Gulf - Bloomberg BBC News Hurricane Gustav Strengthens, Accelerates, Heads for Cuba, Gulf Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Patrick Donahue and Robin Stringer Aug. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Hurricane Gustav strengthened and picked up speed as it headed toward western Cuba and the US Gulf Coast cities ravaged by Katrina and Rita in 2005, after lashing the Cayman Islands with ... Video: Gustav Follows Katrina's Path CBS Some leave Gulf Coast ahead of likely evacuations The Associated Press Reuters - Minneapolis Star Tribune - New York Times - Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal all 6,069 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 30 Aug 2008 10:40:06 GMT Blogging Software Display RSS Feeds on Your Website

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