Reach Out and Slap Someone

I got my first email account way too many years ago.

I was working for a large Chicago bank in the 1980s, when they introduced an electronic message service for internal communications. The only electronic mail that seemed to flow for the longest time were all those official HR notification of vacation time policies, etc., and of course, the ALL CAPS messages from the executive floor.

It took a brave soul to send out the first?"so, where should we go for lunch on Friday?" message.

It took a polite soul to create the first autoresponder message. It was nice of them to let people know that the reason their inquiry would not be answered immediately, and personally was because he (or she) was out of the office until XYZ date.

I'm still trying to figure out where the the personal and polite parts of autoresponse messages went. Sometime between then and now, the person who wrote that message left the building, but forgot to turn the machines off. Today, too many autoresponse messages are anything but personal, polite or informative.

If you've ever been tempted to believe that message sound bites strung together by bits of "if, then, else" coding logic might actually prove to be an asset to your business, you owe it to your business to look at how some of these have played out in the real world.

Here's a brief list of some of my favorite offenders, along with a suggestion or two about what you can do if you find anything like them on your list of messages.

"We'll return your message within 24 hours, or 12 hours?" Forgive me if I don't set my watch by that. Despite improvements in so many other areas, surveys still show that only 65% of companies EVER respond to their email, never mind responding within the time they've allowed themselves And just how credible are you when 12, 24, 48 and 72 hours of silence have passed?

"We usually respond within two business days?" . I think this variation is worse. If 48 hours pass and I haven't gotten a response, I'm not only going to think you can't deliver what you promised in any area of your business, but I might feel personally slighted. After all, if you "usually can," why did you choose not to help me?

The lesson: Don't Make Promises Unless you're 100% Sure You Can Keep Them

"Thanks for your message about broken website links (an obvious fill in the blank). Here is our FAQ list on how Widgets can change your life through better chemistry?" Do you remember when people got excited by the idea of artificial intelligence and wondered if we would one day need Asimov's Laws of Robotics to protect us. I think we can all breath easy for a little while yet.

"Thank you. Your address has been permanently deleted from our database and you will never hear from us again?"
?and it's cousin?
"Thanks for your interest in Widgets. Since you're now part of the Widget family, we know you'll want to hear all about everything, so here's this hour's special?" But all I wanted to do was let you know about a broken link on your homepage?

The lesson: Don't presume to know why people are responding, or what they want from you.

"You're receiving this because you downloaded a free report from my site 279 days ago, but still haven't bought anything?" and you still haven't gotten a clue.

"I'm only sharing this secret information with a carefully chosen few like you, EAMIC, because you're such a good friend?" Really? Even though you're greeting me with a string of letters that isn't even close to my name.

"Dear Friend?" Yes, I understand that software is a black and white kind of thing and that when it comes to personalization your choices are or , but do you understand that there is a third choice? Don't do it.

The lesson: Repeat after me, "just because you can, doesn't mean you should." It really is the golden rule of technology use.

Personalization is a very powerful sales and marketing tool. When you personalize a business problem, identify a client need, or use it to demonstrate how your product or service will help that particular client's situation, you are using it correctly.

Machine generated personalization, on the other hand, fits the very definition of an oxymoron. Email autoresponse messages were invented to apologize for a lack of an immediate personal, human response, not to take its place permanently. Unless all of your message is personal, no one is going to believe it really was written just for them. So why slap them in the face with the fact that it wasn't?

The bottom line is this: if you find any messages like these in your current autoresponse setup, rewrite them if you can, or just get rid of them if you can't. Silence is better on your part. Your business reputation is at stake. And where your reputation is at stake, so are your profits.

***************

Liz Micik has been an Ordinary Marketer for nearly 25 years, helping companies tell their story to the right people in the right way to sell their products and services. Visit www.ordinarymarketer.com to sign up for the Inside Edge, a free monthly multimedia newsletter, and find out how you can get extraordinary results from marketing you can live with.

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Google News Updated : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:44:32 GMT Feds investigate failure of Washington Mutual - International Herald Tribune ABC News Feds investigate failure of Washington Mutual International Herald Tribune - 33 minutes ago AP SEATTLE: Federal authorities said Wednesday they have opened an investigation into the failure of Washington Mutual Inc., the largest bank failure in US history. Federal Investigators to Examine Washington Mutual New York Times Washington Mutual's Failure Under US Investigation (Update2) Bloomberg Reuters - Wall Street Journal - Seattle Post Intelligencer - ABC News all 87 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:10:47 GMT Omar grows into Category 2 hurricane in Caribbean - The Associated Press BBC News Omar grows into Category 2 hurricane in Caribbean The Associated Press - 1 hour ago CHRISTIANSTED, US Virgin Islands (AP) - Heavy rains and winds pummeled St. Croix on Wednesday as the outer edge of powerful Hurricane Omar drenched the island, stranding motorists on flooded roads and forcing workers to shut down a giant oil refinery. Video: Hurricane Omar Nears Caribbean Islands AssociatedPress Omar Strengthens in Caribbean, Aims at Virgin Islands (Update4) Bloomberg United Press International - Washington Post Blogs - Bradenton Herald - Beaumont Enterprise all 2,958 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:42:51 GMT McCain, Obama get personal in final debate - The Associated Press Washington Post McCain, Obama get personal in final debate The Associated Press - 41 minutes ago HEMPSTEAD, NY (AP) - John McCain told Barack Obama to his face Thursday night, "You didn't tell the American people the truth" about a key campaign pledge as the two presidential rivals slung accusations at close quarters in the final debate of their ... McCain, Obama tussle over backing Bush’s policies Reuters Obama Widens Lead as Americans See `Serious' Crisis (Update2) Bloomberg TIME - Wall Street Journal - Austin American-Statesman - ABC News all 775 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:02:37 GMT Maddon Sticks to ‘Plan,’ Giving Ball to Kazmir - New York Times National Post Maddon Sticks to ‘Plan,’ Giving Ball to Kazmir New York Times - 33 minutes ago By JOSHUA ROBINSON BOSTON - Tampa Bay Rays Manager Joe Maddon has always disliked last-minute adjustments. So when he threw the Boston Red Sox a curveball on Wednesday by announcing that he was changing his Game 5 starter, Maddon said it was always ... Rays will go with Scott Kazmir in Game 5 Los Angeles Times Rays continue Cinderella story Newsday The Star-Ledger - NJ.com - MLB.com - Tampabay.com - SI.com all 718 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:11:08 GMT FCC report: White space devices work as "proof of concept" - Ars Technica CNET News FCC report: White space devices work as "proof of concept" Ars Technica - 3 hours ago By Nate Anderson | Published: October 15, 2008 - 06:08PM CT The FCC's Office of Engineering Technology has released its long-awaited technical report (PDF) on "white space" prototype devices, and the conclusion comes right up front: "At this juncture, ... FCC Chairman backs use of "white space" spectrum CNET News FCC Gives Whites Spaces a Boost New York Times CRN - NetworkWorld.com - The Associated Press - Wired News all 271 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:12:55 GMT Paramount to release fewer films, cut 25 DreamWorks employees - Los Angeles Times stv.tv Paramount to release fewer films, cut 25 DreamWorks employees Los Angeles Times - 46 minutes ago By Claudia Eller, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer Looking to cut overhead and operating expenses after the recent departure of DreamWorks co-founder Steven Spielberg, Paramount Pictures plans to release fewer films, consolidate operations and slash 25 ... Spielberg back in fold Financial Times Paramount cuts films, jobs Straits Times New York Times - AZ Central.com - Bizjournals.com - Reuters all 42 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:58:16 GMT As Rays Come of Age, Torre Likes Their Look - New York Times Vancouver Sun As Rays Come of Age, Torre Likes Their Look New York Times - 33 minutes ago By TYLER KEPNER LOS ANGELES - For the first 10 years of their existence, when they never won more than 70 games in a season, the Tampa Bay Rays faced Joe Torre more than any other manager. Rollins leads off Game 5 with homer MLB.com Rollins, Phillies lead Dodgers in Game 5 of NLCS The Associated Press USA Today - WDTN - Philadelphia Daily News - Washington Post all 325 news articles Publ.Date : Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:11:08 GMT RSS Feed Reader Increase Website Traffic

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