Youve Been Dumped! Heres How to Get Over It
We've all been there. We've fallen in love with somebody who just didn't love us back. We've heard a variety of exit lines: "I think it's time we started seeing other people," "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," or "It's not you. It's me."
It's hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages, but it's even worse when they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesn't help when they send an email every so often to see how you're doing, either.
Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win him over! You will make her see! You will!
You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such terror of loving and be loved?
And so it goes. You become caught up in believing that someone who doesn't love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities to meet a person who will truly make you happy.
You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but that's easier said than done, right? Here's what worked for me:
Tell the person to bug off. Just as you must cease contact with the object of your affection, he or she must cease contact with you. Tell this person you're not ready to be friends and you don't know if you ever will be. Any patronizing emails they send inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.
Write down all the things that bothered you. After being dumped, it's natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip, or how mascara used to crumble in her eye sockets. We forget about the stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or her fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so write down a list of the object of your affection's worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while you're at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.
Throw out all reminders. It doesn't even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you shared that's still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.
Turn off the radio. You're minding your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the radio that reminds you of the object of your obsession. Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and delusional.
Picture the person in a repellent fashion. It didn't matter that the object of my affection didn't even own a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to "turn myself off" to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you off. Imagine the object of your obsession doing them.
Make the commitment. The reason we obsess about people who hurt us is because it's comfortable. Heck, sometimes it's even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. When you're indifferent to the person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine happiness.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
 Google News Updated : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:51:50 GMT UN: Gunmen kill woman while trying to rape girl at camp - CNN International
CNN International - (CNN) -- Armed men entered a Congolese camp for displaced people Friday to kidnap and rape a girl, but when the girl screamed, the gunmen fired shots, killing a 20-year-old woman, a UN spokesman said. DR Congo rebels say Hutu militia heading to evacuated zone Rebel violence is latest in string of plagues afflicting Congo's Goma Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:44:05 GMT Congressional Leaders Vow Support for Carmakers - New York Times
New York Times - By DAVID STOUT WASHINGTON - A day after declaring that American auto executives had failed miserably in making their case for federal aid, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sought to encourage them on Friday, saying that “we don’t have any intention of seeing ... Bailout debate simmers as GM pares output Hill to Detroit: You Want Money? Play By Our Rules. Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:00:15 GMT NPR Radio Host's Conflict With Drug Makers Exposed by Sen. Grassley - InjuryBoard.com
InjuryBoard.com - Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) just keeps uncovering all kinds of skeletons in the closets of influential people. This time he has found that a popular National Public Radio (NPR) host of the health and science show, “The Infinite Mind,” has a ... NPR doc didn't disclose pharma payments Grassley Knock NPR Host Goodwin for Drug-Industry Conflicts Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:29:51 GMT Small blaze erupts in Malibu, but winds are helping firefighters* - Los Angeles Times Los Angeles Times - The Los Angeles County Fire Department estimated the blaze has burned about two acres but appears not to be spreading. Wind conditions were favorable for firefighters, who were on the scene. Brush Fire Ignites in Malibu Brush Fire Breaks Out In Malibu Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:53:56 GMT Inside the Kobe-Shaq feud - SI.com
SI.com - By Mark Heisler This excerpt from Madmen's Ball: The Continuing Saga of Kobe, Phil, and the Los Angeles Lakers is printed with the permission of Triumph Books. Daily Dime: Shaq and Kobe play nicely - NBA Lakers roll past Suns Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:36:50 GMT Florida Teen's Suicide Streamed Live On Internet - InformationWeek
InformationWeek - Some thought the event a hoax until Adam Biggs, Jr.'s body was found by police. By KC Jones A Florida teen who intentionally overdosed streamed his death on the Internet while it occurred Wednesday. Florida teen kills self in front of live webcam Florida teen commits suicide in front of webcam Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:33:26 GMT Globe Magazine preview: Chuck Turner on race, ethics - Boston Globe
Boston Globe - For an essay in the Boston Globe magazine that will appear this Sunday, freelance writer (and former Boston city councilor) Tom Keane conducted an e-mail interview with Boston City Councilor Chuck Turner. Turner released on $50K bond in bribery case Boston politician Chuck Turner accused of taking a bribe Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:32:45 GMT Website Traffic Promotion |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... We've all been there. You have been meeting her accidentally... Read More When it comes to online dating many people think that... Read More We've all had that special woman in our lives. You... Read More Carly's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed... Read More Admit it. You snickered, rolled your eyes and laughed out... Read More I'm often surprised by the number of people who are... Read More Have you seen a dating site? Would you want to... Read More Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you... Read More You are on your way to your first date with... Read More How many times have you heard someone say it was... Read More Online dating is very popular and also provides a safe... Read More Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat.... Read More Did you catch the dating mistakes made during episode one... Read More If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar... Read More Dating at an older age is not too hard. And... Read More So the big night is quickly approaching, your first big... Read More Do you strike out with single women in the romance... Read More The tempertures are rising and romances are in full bloom... Read More Dating advice for people dating online, where safe dating will... Read More Are you considering the possibility of using an Online Dating... Read More As a result of dating for decades and chatting with... Read More Meet Other Singles by Doing Something You LoveHere's one the... Read More Have you ever been talking to someone you are interested... Read More Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More The majority of theories on how to pick up girls... Read More
Adsense
websites
How to Finally Approach the Women You Lust for
Does the Free Basic Membership Find You A Date?
How to Get a Girl to Like You
Should You Consider an Internet Romance?
Why Not Average Joe: Exploring Melanas Choice
Top 10 reasons to Find a Date Online
Dating Sites for You and Me
8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid!
First Date ? Tips for Men
Love Eluding You? Let Go and It May Find You
Flowers Leading the Way
Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles
Online Dating: 4 Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid
8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar
Dating After Fifty
Look Your Best With Some First Date Grooming Tips
Dumb Dating Mistakes Men Make with Women
Summertime and New Romance
Dating Advice! Where Safety Always Comes First
Creating Your Online Dating Profile
So, How Big is Your Penis?
Meeting Other Singles By Doing Something You Love
Saying What You Really Want To Say
When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love
What is Confident Rapport?
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
8 Minute Dating - For Singles with No Time for Small Talk
You will get to a certain age where, no matter... Read More
Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success!
Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties,... Read More
From Pen Pal Romance to Online Dating
While dating in person usually starts with physical attraction, dating... Read More
Let Women Talk and Help
Women love to talk (just think of how long they... Read More
Have You Tried Online Dating, Only to be Disappointed?
Millions of people subscribe to Online dating services, but very... Read More
Online Dating - Six Ways to Protect Your Privacy in Cyberspace
Online dating is becoming more and more mainstream, as people... Read More
When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love
Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More
Help! Im Single for the First Time in Years!
You're back on the dating scene. But you're worried as... Read More
Dating: How & Where To Meet Single, Alluring, Sexy & Beautiful Women Of Your Dreams
Are you a lonely man?When was the last time you... Read More
Dating Online in Safety
Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More
Adult Dating: Friend or Foe - Your Sex Life and the Internet!
There was a time when finding a date, partner, lover... Read More
Dating While Seeking GOD- A Road Less Traveled
Why is it when it comes to dating that we... Read More
Little Known Dating Tips, Secrets, and Dating Mistakes
I hear it over and over-"It was going so great,... Read More
How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch
So at last you're sick and tired of the bar... Read More
What To Put On A Dating Site Profile And What To Leave Out
Your dating site profile is the most important tool you... Read More
Online Dating - Confidence Builder
Most of us have different levels of confidence. I'm sure... Read More
Male and Swinging Single
As a single male trying to enter into the lifestyle... Read More
Filtering Values in the Dating Game
Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to... Read More
Does No mean Yes?
A recent sexual assault on our campus was a wake-up... Read More
5 Quick Ways to Find Your Next Date
Overwhelmed with family, school, work and volunteer obligations, woman are... Read More
Creating An Effective Personals Ad That Gets Results: Dos and Donts
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes.... Read More
Dating ? What to Do on Your First Date
Dating at first is fun but as it goes on... Read More
How to Attract Girls Even If Youre Short
Let me mention a few names and you can tell... Read More
Selecting an Online Dating Site
So you are thinking of giving online dating a try... Read More
Dating Tips that Work- Which of the Three Types of Women Should You be Dating?
When most "dating gurus" and sex therapists spout their dating... Read More
Dating |