Hooking Up vs. Lasting Love: Its Your Choice

"hooking Up" - "friends with benefits" - "booty call"

These terms have become all too familiar in today's dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this "dating experience" that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.

So what exactly do these terms mean?

"Hooking up" is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal "date" involved.

"Friends with benefits" usually refers to two people who are "friends" who also have sex together. Again, there's a distinction between what they share and "dating".

"Booty call" usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn't follow dinner, a movie or other "quality" time together, getting to really know each other. It's physical.

Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it's important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.

Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:

Am I comfortable with intimacy?

Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?

Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?

How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?

Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?

Is monogamy and marriage my goal?

If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?

"It's convenient"

"It's easy"

"It's safe"

"It requires no commitment on my part"

In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that "everyone does it" or "it's expected". Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.

Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, "if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay..."

If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness. Read the articles: "Defining Intimacy", "Clarifying And Living Your Values", and "How's Your Self-Awareness".

You can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm

If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the "What's Your Intimacy IQ" and "Are You Relationship Ready" quizzes. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/quiz.htm

Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles who want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

---

Google News Updated : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:49:35 GMT Democrats Are Gaining, Registration Data Shows - New York Times Los Angeles Times Democrats Are Gaining, Registration Data Shows New York Times - 2 hours ago By NICHOLAS CONFESSORE and GRIFF PALMER Some longtime Republican strongholds in New York are becoming increasingly Democratic, a striking change driven by demographic shifts, intense voter registration drives by Democrats and allied groups and sagging ... Campus registration drives in full swing KARE Ott, Hook face off for open county office St. Joseph News-Press The News-Press - Winston-Salem Journal - Tampabay.com - Beaufort Gazette all 739 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 03:20:33 GMT McCain Lauds and Attacks Obama in Same Day - New York Times CBS News McCain Lauds and Attacks Obama in Same Day New York Times - 41 minutes ago Senator John McCain of Arizona and his supporters at a rally on Friday in La Crosse, Wis. By ELISABETH BUMILLER LAKEVILLE, Minn. - After a week of trying to portray Senator Barack Obama as a friend of terrorists who would drive the country into ... McCain Moves to Soften the Tone at Rallies Washington Post John McCain, speaking to supporters, tries to defuse an anti ... Los Angeles Times Reuters - DetNews.com - Austin American-Statesman - The Miami Herald all 304 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:08:14 GMT US Near Changing Stance on North Korea as Terrorist - Wall Street Journal BBC News US Near Changing Stance on North Korea as Terrorist Wall Street Journal - 1 hour ago By JAY SOLOMON WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration is hoping to announce as soon as Saturday that it is tentatively removing North Korea from its list of state sponsors of terrorism, in a bid to kick-start a stalled nuclear disarmament agreement, ... AP: US to remove North Korea from terror blacklist The Associated Press US May Remove North Korea From Terrorism List, AP Reports Bloomberg Los Angeles Times - Voice of America - Financial Times - The Miami Herald all 1,714 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:02:40 GMT G-7 Commit to `All Necessary Steps' to Stem Global Meltdown - Bloomberg Voice of America G-7 Commit to `All Necessary Steps' to Stem Global Meltdown Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Simon Kennedy Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- Group of Seven finance chiefs, meeting after stocks plunged and as a global recession looms, vowed to prevent the failure of vital banks while failing to unveil new initiatives for thawing credit markets. Group of 7 Nations Seek Coordination in Rescue New York Times In latest bold step, Treasury will buy bank stakes The Miami Herald CNNMoney.com - The Associated Press - Boston Globe - FN Arena News all 890 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:03:42 GMT Paulson Indicates Need to Purchase Bank Equity `Soon as We Can' - Bloomberg Telegraph.co.uk Paulson Indicates Need to Purchase Bank Equity `Soon as We Can' Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By John Brinsley and Rebecca Christie Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson indicated that pumping government funds into banks is a priority and said financial markets will remain volatile. US planning to buy equity in financial institutions Reuters Treasury Weighs Investing In Banks Washington Post International Herald Tribune - MarketWatch - CNNMoney.com - Bizjournals.com all 1,783 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:21:05 GMT Bush: US authority able to solve financial crisis - People's Daily Online Telegraph.co.uk Bush: US authority able to solve financial crisis People's Daily Online - 1 hour ago US President George W. Bush arrives in the Rose Garden at the White House to makes a statement on the economy in Washington, October 10, 2008. President Bush vows action on financial crisis Los Angeles Times Bush's Lullaby to the Markets Washington Post Birmingham Star - Wall Street Journal - CNN - Bloomberg all 1,302 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:12:49 GMT Genomics project unites four Wisconsin research institutions - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Genomics project unites four Wisconsin research institutions Milwaukee Journal Sentinel - 19 minutes ago By KATHLEEN GALLAGHER Wisconsin’s four biggest academic research institutions will collaborate on an initiative aimed at giving the state national stature in the fast-emerging field of individualized medicine, Gov. Marshfield Clinic gets biggest donation yet Chicago Tribune Wis. governor unveils gene research triangle Forbes Bizjournals.com - GenomeWeb News (subscription) - WJFW-TV - WISN.com all 51 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:29:44 GMT Clickbank Earn Money With Surveys

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Safe Cyber Dating

Cyber dating is one of the most popular dating venues... Read More

Online Dating Makes Searching For a Partner Fun

Some have said that online dating is an impersonal relationship.... Read More

Blind Date

Very few singles have ever gone through life without having... Read More

Dating On The Internet Is Growing! See How Online Dating Can Help You Find Available Singles Today

Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year,... Read More

The Traditional Jewish Dating

In as much as they want to preserve the moral... Read More

The Joy Of Dating Again: Self-Empowering Keys

For some, the idea of dating again can be intimidating... Read More

Does No mean Yes?

A recent sexual assault on our campus was a wake-up... Read More

The Huge Advantages of Online Dating

Imagine the joy of finding the love of your life,... Read More

Are Parents Still Stopping You from Having a Girlfriend?

There are a lot of young men who find it... Read More

Online Dating: How I Met My Mate

Do you think online dating is only for the young... Read More

What To Put On A Dating Site Profile And What To Leave Out

Your dating site profile is the most important tool you... Read More

Online Dating ? How To Avoid Faked Photos

One of the great things about online dating is the... Read More

Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

Would you like to discover Easy and Creative ideas to... Read More

Have You Tried Online Dating, Only to be Disappointed?

Millions of people subscribe to Online dating services, but very... Read More

The Best Way to Pick Up a Girl

You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But... Read More

Friday Night Fitness Dates

Close your eyes and imagine this romantic setting: an intimate... Read More

Love Discrimination

Why is it people, especially the media, thinks that looking... Read More

Reading People: Body Language Briefing

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the... Read More

Dating Sites for You and Me

Have you seen a dating site? Would you want to... Read More

The Dating Game

Now you all know I have become a bit cynical... Read More

Dating ? What to Do on Your First Date

Dating at first is fun but as it goes on... Read More

How a Blind Date Can Increase Your Psychic Abilities

So how can a blind date increase your psychic abilities?... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men Part 2 - Your Looks DO Matter

When it comes to the topic of looks with women,... Read More

Dating After Fifty

Dating at an older age is not too hard. And... Read More

How To Repel The Opposite Sex

There is a war between the sexes. This war is... Read More