Co-Dependency

Co-Dependency is an unhealthy reliance on another person for every thought, action, and feeling. It consists of people who seem to be defined by another other person. One person relies so much on another person's opinion -- that the daily functions they once had as an individual are lost. That individual is no longer capable of making his or her own choices.

A person who is co-dependant is constantly striving to please another person and have made them selves so self-less that they begin to lose who they are. Their life becomes a sacrifice for another person.

A person who is co-dependant ceases to be them self and becomes part of two. A person's want for someone else in their life is overcome with the need to have someone else in their life in order to function. The person feels the need to spend every waking moment thinking about that other person, being with them, talking to them, or thinking of ways to make that person happier.

While a marriage should strive to do those items, there is a happy medium and for a lack of a better term, co-dependency could be considered as 'stalking'. The constantly calling them, seeing them, thinking about them, giving them things -- are traits of stalkers who feed their need off the presence of the other person.

If a person doesn't feel happy unless they are with their significant other, this is where the problem begins. To only gain a feeling of happiness by someone, an outside factor that you can't always control is unhealthy. A person must be happy with them selves and love them selves as a person, if you don't love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?

During the honeymoon stages of a relationship, it seems reasonable to want to always be with that person, talk to them, or think about them ? but it is important to know that your life doesn't revolve around them.

My grandparents have been married 60 odd years. Their secret is that she gives the orders and he carries them out, this doesn't work in all relationships. If one were to die, the other would soon follow.

Every leader needs a follower and every follower needs a leader. But in relationships, there needs to be a bigger 50/50 balance of respect and understanding that for the first 18+ years of your life, you have lived as an individual and you have your own habits, both bad, as well as good. These habits aren't easily changed. While we strive to make ourselves better, there will always be something that drives the other person nuts.

As a couple, each person must live their own lives -- pursue their own jobs and hobbies.

I dated a girl I worked with, bad idea. Since I was in upper management, work was my life and I always wanted to talk about it. She on the other hand didn't. She couldn't figure out why I didn't focus more on school. Our priorities conflicted each other and shortly our relationship ended. We both have degrees now, but I have experience and after I left that job, she was let go.

One weekend after she and I had been dating, I was watching a movie at my apartment. Usually she went home (from college) on weekends, but had stayed in town that weekend. We had spent the past week together and I needed to take a break and be myself. She stopped by on Saturday and wondered if I was going to call her since she was in town that weekend. I hadn't planned on it, it would have been good to hang with her, but I didn't need to. She couldn't understand why I just sat there and watched a movie while she was in town and we could spend some time together. Watching movies was one of my favorite things to do, she usually studied, read, or slept.

My parent's relationship is a good example of a non-codependent marriage. They work overlapped hours, so they aren't together 24/7. My mom is usually busy with stuff for church, my dad is busy with other stuff for church and a community service club. At home, she works in her office and he works out in the sunroom. They are both home and happy that they know where the other person is. Every day at noon they call each other, it is more of a tradition than a need. They wouldn't be lost of the other person didn't call, it was just part of their daily routine. Every Friday night they go out to eat and maybe see a movie, after all, remember that they are friends. Sure mom does some things for dad that a mom would do. But that is her nature and it works.

They match as friends to the affect that her strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. They compliment each other and have a happy relationship in which they are dependent on each other for love and shared memories and the wanting to spend their lives together. They can go days without the other person. But usually don't.

The couples that call each other six times a day and wonder where the other person is and why they aren't with them is where it becomes unhealthy.

A friend of mine was dating one girl who was very co-dependent. When he'd home from work, she would call just a minute or two after he walked in and would ask where he was. He would simply say that he just walked in the door and was resting and this would upset her. She expected him to spend every moment of his spare time with her.

She didn't give him any freedom to be himself. She lived in the fear that if he leaves, her life is nothing. Her needs in the relationship were based on a set of unrealistic expectations. She was so selfish in wanting her needs to be filled that she didn't consider his past and his needs. This was the basis for that relationship ending.

People need their alone time. Time to be by them selves to think. You shouldn't stress yourself out about the other person so much that you can't live as an individual. A relationship can bring happiness, but happiness shouldn't be grounded in another person.

I've been single for quite some time -- maybe by an unconscious choice, maybe conscious, maybe chance, or maybe by a Higher power. Being single has given me the opportunities to do what I want to do, be who I want to be, and discover myself. My plate is so full with wanting to write a book, to finishing a movie, to making short films, to getting my finances in order, building credit, getting in shape, and eating healthy -- that would be a lot to handle and try and maintain a relationship at the same time.

Aside from relationships, people can become co-dependant on drugs, alcohol, sex, painkillers, food, and so many more things. If it is considered bad to be dependant on those, then I would venture to say it would be bad to be co-dependant in a relationship.

That is another article.

Chad J. Bring is a rising author who just published his first novel, Left Standing in addition to co-writing a screenplay for an independent film through their RoomMate Productions film production company.

---

Google News Updated : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 06:55:22 GMT Smallest planet shrinks in size - BBC News Canada.com Smallest planet shrinks in size BBC News - Jul 4, 2008 The smallest planet in the Solar System has become even smaller, studies by the Messenger spacecraft have shown. Data from a flyby of Mercury in January 2008 show the planet has contracted by more than one mile (1.5km) in diameter over its history. First Results From Messenger's Mercury Flyby Slashdot Mercury is shrinking, NASA craft finds; a cool clue: 'lobate scarps' Los Angeles Times eFluxMedia - Baltimore Sun - Examiner.com - ChattahBox all 155 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 04 Jul 2008 11:45:26 GMT Analysis: McCain struggles to regain footing - The Associated Press The Associated Press Analysis: McCain struggles to regain footing The Associated Press - 2 hours ago WASHINGTON (AP) - John McCain calls himself an underdog. That may be an understatement. The GOP presidential candidate trails Democrat Barack Obama in polls, organization and money while trying to succeed a deeply unpopular fellow Republican in a year ... Rural voters lean to the GOP St. Joseph News-Press Neither Obama nor McCain meets Energy Party standard The State New York Times - Online Athens - Washington Post - Newsweek all 465 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 04:40:55 GMT Hippie Arrests Draw ACLU’s Attention - New York Times ABC News Hippie Arrests Draw ACLU’s Attention New York Times - 6 hours ago By AP CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) - The American Civil Liberties Union said on Saturday that it would investigate the actions of federal officers who had arrested five members of the Rainbow Family in western Wyoming during the group’s annual gathering. ACLU plans to investigate Rainbow Family treatment The Associated Press ACLU to investigate Rainbow Family treatment LocalNews8.com WKOW-TV.com - Billings Gazette - cbs4denver.com - Austin American-Statesman all 306 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:40:38 GMT Ore. man completes flight of fancy _ in lawn chair - The Associated Press The Associated Press Ore. man completes flight of fancy _ in lawn chair The Associated Press - 1 hour ago CAMBRIDGE, Idaho (AP) - Using his trusty BB gun to help him return to Earth, a 48-year-old gas station owner flew a lawn chair rigged with helium-filled balloons more than 200 miles across the Oregon desert Saturday, landing in a field in Idaho. Video: Ore. Man Uses Balloons and a Lawn Chair to Fly AssociatedPress Believe it or not, he's lounging on air The Oregonian - OregonLive.com CNN International - BBC News - KOHD - San Jose Mercury News all 1,071 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 05:50:31 GMT Obama "puzzled" by Iraq comment frenzy - Reuters Washington Post Obama "puzzled" by Iraq comment frenzy Reuters - 1 hour ago By John Whitesides, Political Correspondent ST. LOUIS (Reuters) - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said on Saturday his plan to end the Iraq war was unchanged and he was puzzled by the sharp reaction to his statement this week that he ... Obama struggles to thread needle on Iraq AFP Obama Refines the Blame on Iraq Miscue New York Times International Herald Tribune - Voice of America - Washington Times - New York Daily News all 1,620 news articles Publ.Date : Sun, 06 Jul 2008 05:08:23 GMT McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter - New York Times New York Times McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter New York Times - 7 hours ago Mary Altaffer/AP By MARK LEIBOVICH LAS VEGAS —Senator John McCain was performing relatively smoothly as he unveiled his energy plan. McCain Campaign, in Relaunch, Seeks Tighter Message Focus Wall Street Journal McCain Campaign on Obama and Iraq FOXNews The Associated Press - Washington Post - Los Angeles Times - CNN all 737 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:31:52 GMT Argentine Lower House Passes Grain Export-Tax Plan (Update3) - Bloomberg Voice of America Argentine Lower House Passes Grain Export-Tax Plan (Update3) Bloomberg - 8 hours ago By Eliana Raszewski July 5 (Bloomberg) -- Argentina's lower house of congress approved the government's plan to increase taxes on exports of grains and oilseeds, risking a resumption of three months of strikes by farmers. Export Tax That Angers Farmers Advances in Argentina New York Times Argentina lawmakers approve farm export tax hike guardian.co.uk RTT News - BBC News - The Associated Press - AFP all 144 news articles Publ.Date : Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:41:30 GMT Clickbank Data Feeds Make Money Online

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Filtering Values in the Dating Game

Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to... Read More

Compatibility

Harsh words, hurting comments, tears and flying household objects -... Read More

How To Make A Lasting Impression

How many times have you felt the urge to impress... Read More

Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker

Don't make these mistakes when searching for love online!"I spent... Read More

Online Dating Tips For Success

So the search for the perfect relationship is tuff. You... Read More

Top 10 reasons to Find a Date Online

I'm often surprised by the number of people who are... Read More

Mike?s Dating Story

(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into... Read More

Dating Online in Safety

Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More

The Law of Large Numbers

It is often said that sales is a numbers game.... Read More

Internet Dating for Men

Over the past several years online dating has become very... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating

1) Give yourself time to get back into the groove... Read More

How to Impress a Woman

The feeling that you need to impress a woman usually... Read More

Christ-Centered Life on Dating

In a contemporary Christian world, there is a hidden reality... Read More

Got a Blind Date Right Around the Corner?

Got a case of the blind date? Oh yes we... Read More

Asian Dating - Respect and Honour

Honour and respect are two of the most important elements... Read More

8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid!

Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you... Read More

Use The Fated Encounter For First Date Seduction Success

Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was... Read More

Online Dating - 5 Essential Safety Tips

So, you've decided to take the plunge and follow in... Read More

Why Online Dating is So Tough For Men

Online dating has become increasingly popular over the past several... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men - How To Make Your Dates Effective And Unforgettable

You are on the first date with a girl you... Read More

Free Dating - The Real Cost of Free Dating

Nearly every dating site on the internet claims to offer... Read More

What is Confident Rapport?

The majority of theories on how to pick up girls... Read More

It Pays For Single Christians To Date Other Like-Minded People

Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's... Read More

Want To Be A Success In Dating? Use Your 5 Senses

How often do girls on the street smile to you,... Read More

Donald Trump and the Apprentice Rules Applied to Dating

I was reading an article about the Apprentice and some... Read More