Do You See Clearly?
"I don't see how I can just make up my mind to be happy and successful; and suddenly, magically, I will be. That seems to me to be a denial of my reality. My life is a mess. I am not happy. My life is not a success." she wrote.
She was replying to my email response to her first inquiry. She had written to ask how I could write (in a previous article in this eZine) that if you wanted to be happy, you just had to choose to be happy. I had replied, in my first email, that how we felt about ourselves and our life was entirely within our control; and once we had decided to change how we felt, thought and believed, the circumstances and conditions of our lives would change to meet our new expectations.
This conundrum is surely the 'catch-22' of self-improvement. You must both accept the reality of where you are at and, at the same time, deny its ultimate veracity in order to create a new, bigger and better, reality.
Now, I am not saying you should go into denial about the facts of your life. That's a huge mistake. Many people attempt to live with their shortcomings, failures and addictions by being in denial and it does not work. Nothing gets any better that way. Often it gets even worse.
Many people also attempt to change their life by muttering some affirmation like "I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise," in a blind attempt to convince themselves that they are not unhappy, unhealthy, impoverished and foolish. This does not work too well either.
I am not suggesting that affirmations are not useful. They can be a very powerful tool and, used properly, they can be a big help in changing your predominant thought patterns, your core beliefs and your basic emotional outlook on life.
However, it is necessary, if we wish to improve our lot in life, to first face and accept that we have certain core beliefs, predominant thought patterns and basic emotions attitudes. Then, we also must accept that it is these very beliefs, thoughts and emotions that have created the reality that we now have in our lives.
Then, we must decide to adopt new, improved, intentional ways of believing, thinking and feeling in order to create the new reality we have idealized and desired for ourselves. This is not denial. It is the acceptance of our co-creative abilities; and, the acceptance our freedom to choose what and how to think, believe and feel. It is the taking on of the responsibility for one's life, as it is, and as it could be.
It is the facing and accepting of the truth that we cannot blame the conditions and circumstances of our present life for how we feel, how and what we think, what we believe. It is the facing and accepting of the truth that how we have been feeling, how and what we have been thinking, what we have been believing has actually contributed to the conditions and circumstances of our lives.
What we have is a result of what we have done. What we have done is a result of how we have been. How we have been is a result of how we have felt, thought and believed about ourselves and about life as a whole.
If you want to change or improve what you have in life (the conditions, circumstances--the effects), you must address the cause. You have the power to consciously and intentionally choose your feelings, your thoughts and your beliefs. These are the cause of your happiness and success because they control how you act or react, what you do or don't do and it is what you enact, moment-by-moment, that produces the results you get to have day-to-day.
Yes, it is tough work. However, it is not as tough as living an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Why continue to do so just because you are habituated to doing so?
So, it is not about denying the reality of how life has been until now; it is about seeing and accepting that there is a greater reality in how you choose life will be from now on. Focus your vision on the ideal. Affirm its reality. Feel its reality. Believe in its reality. Act accordingly. Don't be surprised when it turns out to be just the way you imagined it to be.
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.
Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.
Reprinting and republishing of this article is granted only with the above credit included. Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright.
 Google News Updated : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 11:50:43 GMT Palin violated ethics law, inquiry concludes - International Herald Tribune
International Herald Tribune - By Serge F. Kovaleski NEW YORK: Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential candidate, abused her powers as governor of Alaska by pressuring subordinates to try to get her former brother-in-law, a state trooper, fired, according to an investigation ... Palin ethics lapse cited Alaska probe finds Palin 'abused her power' Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:58:28 GMT Mugabe Hands Ministries to His Party - New York Times
New York Times - By CELIA DUGGER JOHANNESBURG - In a step likely to lead to the collapse of a painstakingly negotiated power-sharing deal, Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe, in office for 28 years, has unilaterally declared that his party will retain the most powerful ... Mugabe 'gives Zanu-PF key posts' Zimbabwe's Mugabe hands key ministries to his party Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 10:57:49 GMT Thai protest leaders released on bail, vow new rallies - AFP
AFP - BANGKOK (AFP) - Leaders of Thai anti-government protests were granted bail Friday after surrendering to police and immediately vowed new rallies, raising fears of mounting turmoil days after deadly street clashes. Video: Raw Video: Tear Gas Fired at Thai Protestors PAD leaders surrender to Thailand police Publ.Date : Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:31:03 GMT Morgan Stanley, Goldman May Gain Investment From US Treasury - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By Christine Harper Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs Group Inc., the biggest independent US investment banks, may reap cash infusions as part of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's plan to buy stakes in financial institutions, ... As Stock Falls, Morgan Looks to Japanese Bank Morgan Stanley hangs on Mitsubishi's $9bn pledge Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:30:39 GMT McCain calms supporters, urges respect for Obama - Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times - 'NO MA'AM': Sen. John McCain takes a question from a supporter who called Democratic rival Barack Obama an Arab at a town hall meeting in Lakeville, Minn. McCain-Palin's hot rhetoric risks GOP backlash McCain Lauds and Attacks Obama in Same Day Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:04:20 GMT Paulson Indicates Need to Purchase Bank Equity `Soon as We Can' - Bloomberg
Bloomberg - By John Brinsley and Rebecca Christie Oct. 11 (Bloomberg) -- US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson indicated that pumping government funds into banks is a priority and said financial markets will remain volatile. US to buy shares in struggling banks Obama welcomes Paulson plan to buy equity in firms Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:21:05 GMT Stevens's Reputation 'Sterling,' Powell Says - Washington Post
Washington Post - By Del Quentin Wilber Former secretary of state Colin L. Powell told jurors in the corruption trial of Sen. Ted Stevens yesterday that the powerful Alaska Republican had a "sterling" reputation among the nation's military and political leaders. Reporter's Notebook: Powell Takes the Stand for Stevens Powell says Sen. Stevens' integrity "sterling" Publ.Date : Sat, 11 Oct 2008 03:13:53 GMT Amazon RSS Feeds |
PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... The fall harvest comes upon us once a year. The... Read More Personal development profiles, also known as personality profiles, are a... Read More Not long ago, a friend who works in television complained... Read More An recent article in Money Magazine said that "A coach... Read More A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow... Read More I hope you are sitting down as you read this!... Read More Coaching has become a very popular way for people to... Read More What makes attitude so important? Why not just learn some... Read More At a recent networking meeting Jana asked for a recommendation... Read More In today's fast paced world, we are often confronted with... Read More People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and... Read More We all need to decide whether to "play it safe"... Read More Are you one of the millions of people who make... Read More As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of... Read More That one guy at work that always has to be... Read More How many times have you said to yourself?"I just wish... Read More The surprising answer is "probably". Most individuals don't realize that... Read More Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach... Read More How would you like to get along even better with... Read More Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More What is an ego? Well, in case you didn't know... Read More "Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly... Read More Articulating repetitive statements with emotion will inevitably connect you to... Read More Judging by the extraordinarily positive reader response to Po Bronson's... Read More How many people do you know who, in January, enthusiastically... Read More
Adsense
websites
The Harvest: Shared Power
Personal Development Profiles
Why Bosses Dont Get All the News
What is Life Coaching?
Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv
Living In The Now
Choosing The Right Coach
Attitude
How Coaches Find Clients Online
Do You Need a Performance Coach?
Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?
The Rewards and Risks Of Personal Freedom
Ten Ways to Make New Years Resolutions That You Can Actually Keep!
Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year
5 Steps to Derail Difficult People - Your Surefire Way to a Peaceful Resolution
Becoming An Empowered Consumer
Could You and Your Business Benefit from a Business Coach or a Consultant?
Say Adios to the Fear of Rejection!
Build Your People Skills
Overcoming Work Addiction
Learning To Recognize Your Ego
What Do You Have To Give?
What Dost Thou Speaketh? Hey, Affirm This Way!
Searching For Your Calling ? Quest or Curse?
Forget Resolutions - Craft A Life Theme That Works
Affordable and Reliable Web Hosting Starting at $4.49/Month
Smelling the Roses: Better Living Through Savoring
"Stop and smell the roses," people often say. Then they... Read More
Avoid the Tendency to Underestimate Your Greatness
As a whole I think there is a sad tendency... Read More
What Rules!
There are things that we do automatically internally that we... Read More
COACHING: When it?s Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil
How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will... Read More
Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great
Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and... Read More
Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude
Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you... Read More
Whats Wrong with Life Coaching?
As a Life Coach I quickly identified most individuals wanted... Read More
Not Blind, Just No Vision
Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she... Read More
Five Steps to Vocational Passion: A Disciplined Plan for Major Mid-life Changes
There's a famous song lyric that asks: "Is that all... Read More
Potential
One of the most often mis-understood aspects of self-development is... Read More
Use a Journal for Self-Discovery and Self-Expression
As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they... Read More
Some Business Coaches are in Error
Many business coaches deny the power of suggestion while using... Read More
How to Quickly and Easily Deal With Rude People
Where I live there seems to be a a growing... Read More
Truth About Life Coaching School Accreditation
With life coaching becoming "the" career choice in this millennium,... Read More
Coaching Employees - The Chronic Excuser
Most of us find coaching employees to be an effective,... Read More
Change vs Transition
"There is a time for departure, even when there's no... Read More
Whats Up With All These Coaches?
If you are anything like me, you may have noticed... Read More
Do You Dither in Your Job Search?
I looked up the definition of "to dither" before writing... Read More
Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and... Read More
Coaching: The Art of Putting Yourself In Somone Elses Shoes
COACHING STEPS: The following are five (5) steps a coach... Read More
The X-factor
Would you agree that today most of us have the... Read More
The Secret of Self-Esteem
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having... Read More
It?s All To Do With The Way You Wake Up
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance... Read More
Bringing Forgiveness Down To Earth
What does it mean to forgive?One of the first things... Read More
Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge
As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a... Read More
Coaching |