Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues

In this article we would like to help you explore the challenges and opportunities that come at midlife. You will have an opportunity to take a look at issues that are specific to the Baby Boomer generation. You will also have a chance to begin the process of your own midlife assessment with a list of questions presented at the end of the newsletter. We call this assessment the Midlife Checkup.

Benefits of the Midlife Checkup

Taking the time to assess how your life is going at this point can result in benefits such as these:

? It can help you identify and intensify your inner strengths.

? You can find your own voice and express it your own way.

? You can accept your changing physical self.

? It is an opportunity to forgive those with whom you've been angry.

? It can help you find ways to reduce stress.

? You can learn to simplify your life.

? You can reenergize yourself in preparation for the second half of your life.

The Baby Boomers

The Baby Boomer generation is at midlife right now. This generation includes almost 78 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964.

The Boomers are the largest generation in U.S. history. They have had a major impact on American society as they have passed through every life stage. They are passing through midlife in their own unique way, differently from their parents and differently from Generation X, the group born in the years after 1964.

The first Boomer turned 50 at the beginning of 1996, and the remaining 78 million will observe this anniversary sometime between now and 2014.

Typical Feelings

According to Rocking the Ages authors J. Walker Smith and Ann Clurman (researchers at Yankelovich Partners) and authors like Gail Sheehy, people passing through middle age typically experience the following kinds of feelings.

Great expectations: Most Boomers are beginning to recognize their own limitations. Growing up in the comfortable 1950's, the Boomers learned to expect unlimited growth and endless possibilities. They believed their good luck would never end. Now that they are turning 50, many are shocked to discover that there are limits to life's possibilities.

Regret: As people reach midlife, they must face up to the loss of some of their dreams and regret the mistakes they have made. It is not easy for anyone to face the person one will never be.

Loss: At midlife, everyone has to face the loss of beauty and youth, valued by our society. In her book New Passages, author Gail Sheehy calls this experience "The Body Blues" or "The Vanity Crisis."

Meaning: According to Sheehy, the "universal preoccupation" of the middle years is "the search for meaning in whatever we do." As they face the fact that time is limited, the Baby Boomers typically become even more intent on this need to analyze and search for significance.

Change: The midlife years can be a time of radical change for many people. This is the result of endless questioning and evaluation of how one has lived life thus far. Many midlife crises become mid-life meltdowns, says Sheehy, because some people react to feelings of emptiness or disillusionment by destroying everything they have built.

The Boomers developed a value system that is based on a sense of entitlement and which values individuality. Because they hold these values, Boomers respond differently to each life stage than do other generations. You can see these values reflected in scenes like those from television shows from the 1950s and early 60s.

According to Smith and Clurman, four important characteristics of the Baby Boomer value system are:

Self-absorption: The Boomers (once called the "Me" Generation) have the reputation of being more narcissistic than other generations. Because of the times they grew up in, they have always been fascinated with themselves. The indulgence they experienced at home in the 1950s and the world's seemingly limitless possibilities created a fascination with self and a feeling of specialness.

Sense of entitlement: As a generation, the Boomers see themselves as superior to others. They have always assumed that they could have life their way and that the rules were meant for others, but not for them. They feel entitled to rewards and view themselves as winners. They expect success and cannot accept failure.

Need for control: The Boomers need to feel certain and to sense that they are in control of life. They have a difficult time dealing with uncertainty.

Reflection: Baby Boomers have always valued introspection and take pleasure in asking questions.

For most people, life at age 45 or 50 doesn't match the dreams they had at age 20 or 30. When people reach age 45 or 50 and are even slightly disappointed by their achievements and experiences, their feelings are likely to be compounded by these factors of self-absorption, sense of entitlement, and a need for control. But there is also a positive side to this. The tendency to reflect and explore can help one look for new possibilities instead of being stuck with feelings of disappointment.

Keep all of this in mind as you complete the Midlife Checkup. It is a list of 29 unfinished sentences that will help you assess your life to date. The items on this list provide a framework for conducting your own assessment. Please add your own ideas that you think will help you reflect on your life's direction.

The Midlife Checkup

1. My most important accomplishments are...

2. I am disappointed about...

3. I would describe the person I turned out to be as...

4. I want to change the following things about my self and my life...

5. Things I want to do before I die...

6. If I knew I couldn't fail, I would...

7. Things I have mastered...

8. Things I want to keep...

9. I want to keep these relationships...

10. I want to let go of these relationships...

11. I want to keep these possessions...

12. I want to let go of these possessions...

13. I want to have these experiences...

14. I want to clean up these messes...

15. I want to celebrate...

16. I don't ever again want to...

17. My body is...

18. My children are...

19. My parents are...

20. My spouse is...

21. I want to remember...

22. I want to forget...

23. I must apologize to...

24. I must seek an apology from...

25. I am most proud of...

26. I wish I could forget about...

27. I wish I could do over...

28. I wish I had never...

29. I wish I had...

30. Add your own items

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

---

Google News Updated : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:50:04 GMT Tehran confirms seizure of aircraft - Financial Times AFP Tehran confirms seizure of aircraft Financial Times - 42 minutes ago By Thomas Escritt in Budapest and Najmeh Bozorgmehr in,Tehran Iran yesterday revealed that it had forced a Hungarian-crewed transport aircraft to land after it strayed into the Islamic republic's airspace at the end of last month. Iran Withdraws Claim on US Plane New York Times US Military: Tense Encounters With Iran Occur Almost Daily FOXNews CNN International - AHN - United Press International - The Associated Press all 684 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:08:03 GMT With Outlook Dim, Bernanke Says Fed May Act on Rates - New York Times Boston Globe With Outlook Dim, Bernanke Says Fed May Act on Rates New York Times - 2 hours ago By DAVID STOUT and EDMUND L. ANDREWS WASHINGTON - The Federal Reserve chairman, Ben S. Bernanke, said on Tuesday that the turmoil in the financial markets had increased the risk to overall growth and that federal regulators would have to be vigilant to ... Video: Bernanke signals possible rate cut ReutersVideo Bernanke hints at possible interest rate cut MarketWatch Bloomberg - TheStreet.com - Forex Market all 1,140 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:40:38 GMT Uneasy calm in Bangkok after day of deadly riots - Reuters The Age Uneasy calm in Bangkok after day of deadly riots Reuters - 1 hour ago BANGKOK, Oct 8 (Reuters) - An uneasy calm settled over the Thai capital on Wednesday after the worst street violence in 16 years the day before, when two people died and nearly 400 were injured in clashes between police and anti-government protesters. Video: Raw Video: Tear Gas Fired at Thai Protestors AssociatedPress Two dead as Thai troops battle protesters guardian.co.uk Xinhua - Sin Chew Jit Poh - Washington Post - Radio Australia all 1,463 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:18:31 GMT McCain, Obama discuss possible Treasury secretary picks - Reuters Wall Street Journal Blogs McCain, Obama discuss possible Treasury secretary picks Reuters - 43 minutes ago NASHVILLE, Oct 7 (Reuters) - US presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama both mentioned investor Warren Buffett as a possible pick for Treasury secretary on Tuesday but both spoke in only general terms about the qualities they would seek ... McCain, Obama agree that Buffett could lead US treasury (Extra) Monsters and Critics.com A Strong eBay, A Strong Government Forbes Wall Street Journal Blogs - CNN Political Ticker - Boston Herald - Bloomberg all 24 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:06:13 GMT Nashville Knockout: What To Watch For - Washington Post Vancouver Sun Nashville Knockout: What To Watch For Washington Post - 4 hours ago Riggers lift scaffolding into place in front of the Curb Events event site at Belmont University in Nashville, Tenn., Monday, Oct. 6, 2008, as preparations continue for Tuesday's presidential debate. WRAPUP 5-Obama, McCain battle over taxes, economy Reuters Presidential debate: minute by minute Los Angeles Times The Associated Press - New York Times - Newsweek - Newsday all 1,781 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 22:08:13 GMT Study Shows Weak Circumcision/HIV Benefit for Gay/Bisexual Men - WebMD AFP Study Shows Weak Circumcision/HIV Benefit for Gay/Bisexual Men WebMD - 1 hour ago By Daniel J. DeNoon Oct. 7, 2008 -- Circumcision offers little HIV protection to gay/bisexual men -- overall. But it might cut HIV risk in predominantly insertive partners. Circumcision HIV impact doubted BBC News AIDS Benefits of Circumcision Are Limited, Study Finds New York Times U.S. News & World Report - Bloomberg - TIME - MedPage Today all 45 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:24:47 GMT ACORN office in Vegas raided in voter-fraud probe - The Associated Press ABC News ACORN office in Vegas raided in voter-fraud probe The Associated Press - 2 hours ago LAS VEGAS (AP) - Nevada authorities seized records Tuesday from a group they accused of submitting fraudulent voter-registration forms - including for the starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys. Non-Profit Raided In Voter Fraud Probe CBS News ACORN Nevada Office Raided Washington Post MarketWatch - CNN Political Ticker - USA Today - Cleveland Leader all 197 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:01:25 GMT Create Blog RSS For Web Pages

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Buyer Beware: Choose A Business Coach Carefully To Get The Results You Want

Consider this scenario. A colleague suggests you get a business... Read More

How to Solve Disputes with the Helicopter Talk Technique

Do you ever find that when a friend asks for... Read More

Value Based Leadership Coaching

What can I do to be a better coach? The... Read More

How Stella (Laurie) Got Her Groove Back!

Being a Life Strategy Coach doesn't mean I'm always on... Read More

Strategic Checklists

I've been through a couple of checklists in the past... Read More

Coaching: YOU Can Improve Your Organizations Performance

GOOD BUSINESS COACHING: Clearly, the right kind of coaching can... Read More

A Beginner To Beginners

You may be just starting, or contemplating, your first online... Read More

How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos

As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation... Read More

4 Steps to Successful Goal-Setting

Successful people have always had clear, focused goals that guide... Read More

Attitude is Contagious - Would Anybody Want Yours?

Are you using the Life Potential you have been given?... Read More

The Harvest: Shared Power

The fall harvest comes upon us once a year. The... Read More

W Edwards Deming

Immediately post second world war W Edwards Deming went to... Read More

Live Healthy - Six Steps To A Healthy Life

Six steps we can take to reduce our risks for... Read More

What Do You Have To Give?

"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly... Read More

Change the Words and Change the World

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers

Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others,... Read More

Living In The Now

I hope you are sitting down as you read this!... Read More

What I Would Include In A Coaching Book

A coach is an essential figure in providing direction and... Read More

Transitions: Moving Through Change With Grace

MOVING THROUGH CHANGECreating any major change in our lives can... Read More

The Power of Visualization

Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power... Read More

Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv

A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow... Read More

Leading Grief Groups: The Preliminaries

Preparation: If you desire advertising the group, announcements need to... Read More

What Is A Personal Trainer

Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in... Read More

Coaching Skills

IntroductionThe question for leaders in organizations today is how do... Read More

How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?

Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager... Read More