Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous

I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust. We were talking on an evening when she "hadn't shown up at all." She had washed dishes instead. You would have thought she had mutilated small children. And gauging the self-attack that followed, I don't think that meditation would have helped. The Dalai Lama, himself would have had to have shown up and told her it was no big deal. And I bet he would have given her one of those big goofy, freedom-filled smiles.

I understand the desire to make changes in your life and I applaud them heartily. But I invite you to be inconsistent and unreliable. I dare you to break promises to yourself and I dare you to make new ones. This is the courageous path of learning to grow, love and trust yourself?and to keep dancing into the life you desire, no matter what.

To me, there's beauty, intelligence and grace in showing up lopsided, showing up fitfully, showing up sporadically. Showing up is showing up. The dream-basher in you pushes you into airtight commitments. But real change is about breathing, coming in and going out. Daring to live your calling is a path of invitation, not interrogation.

My favorite poet Rumi, an absurdly free and brilliant spirit, writes:

"Come, come whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving

-it doesn't matter,

Ours is not a caravan of despair

Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times

Come, come again."

A Course in Miracles echoes this same philosophy by telling us to "choose once again," whenever we have made a choice that has felt painful. It doesn't say beat yourself up bloody, give up, throw in the towel, recount how many other things you've given up on. It asks us to save time and just begin again, choose the new behavior or belief now, let go of the past, and give birth to a different experience this very minute.

When I first began writing, I had an awful time with myself. I'd come up with all kinds of perfectly devised writing schedules for myself and then avoid or blow every one of them. I'd be furious with myself, convinced I was never going to be able to accomplish anything. I'd feel miserable and pathetic. But finally I did make huge progress as a writer. Not by setting up a better writing program. But through learning to love, comfort, and coax myself into action. In This Time I Dance!, I wrote that "Only the tender can breed the fierce." This was so opposite to my initial thinking. Like my non-meditating client, I thought that if I had "misbehaved," I needed a bigger stick, not an extra chocolate bar. But my guidance then, as now, reflected, "Be even kinder to yourself when you feel fear. Love, not anger, inspires right action." And it was true. Part of me avoided writing because I was afraid to face myself. And only gentleness inspired more encounters.

Sometimes, we have an ill-advised idea of what showing up looks like. In the creative life, many people confuse rigidity with purity. But remember the creative personality might have many loves and devotions. And this is not distraction or avoidance. This is self-expression. When I lived in the mountains and was writing my book, I came into the city all the time to teach classes and to hang out at coffeehouses and secretly relish urban noise and stimulus. One person in a writing group said "If you were serious about that book, you'd just stay in the mountains and write." I anguished over this comment for a long time.

But his puritan approach would have sucked the life out of me. I needed to make a living in the city and I enjoyed my urban escapades. I wanted both lives. Likewise, I have clients who are parents--who are not only going to sculpt or work on a sales brochure for their business. Another part of their lives is going to soccer practice and picking up Cheerios and bananas. They are not abandoning their passions. They are claiming more of them.

Focus on the behaviors you wish to encourage, not the other choices. If you are trying to lose weight, don't agitate over your failure of will on the third day of your program. Celebrate the 2 days of enthusiasm and motivation. Only the wins count-if you want to win. In 12 step lingo, "It's all about progress, not perfection."

I know the sticklers will tell you that taking one exercise class won't help or spending one hour with your camera, but I disagree. Every act of love for yourself--makes a difference. That one time can boost your self-esteem and increase the likelihood that you'll return. Go ahead, stumble into grace. Start and stop a million times. Get there late and leave early. Whatever it takes. So what, if in a linear world they call you erratic? In this world you are a daring hopscotch queen, a creative explorer, a traveler on a caravan of joy, and that works just fine, because you're moving in the right direction.

Tama J. Kieves, an honors graduate of Harvard Law School, left her law practice with a large corporate law firm to write and to embolden others to live and breathe their most meaningful self-expression. A leading alternative career coach and best-selling author of THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love / How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All! (©2003 Tarcher/Penguin), Tama devotes her dynamic energy to life/work coaching and to facilitating workshops and retreats throughout the country. For more than a decade, she has helped thousands of individuals unleash their creativity and their callings. Founder of Awakening Artistry, an organization dedicated to creating a global family of creative and visionary minds, her inspiring work has frequently been featured on T.V., radio, and in national publications. Learn more about Tama's workshops and coaching or sign up to receive her free inspirational e-zine at http://www.AwakeningArtistry.com

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Google News Updated : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 11:56:09 GMT Cambodia: Thailand withdraws troops from border - The Associated Press Washington Post Cambodia: Thailand withdraws troops from border The Associated Press - 2 hours ago PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) - Thai troops retreated from a disputed border zone Tuesday, a Cambodian general said, averting a possible military clash after Cambodia's prime minister issued an ultimatum to Thailand to withdraw by midday. Thai army to maintain troops in disputed area Xinhua Thailand, Cambodia spar over border troop positions AFP AHN - Scotsman - Bernama all 747 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:51:31 GMT Asian, European Markets Continue Upbeat Rally - Washington Post Washington Post Asian, European Markets Continue Upbeat Rally Washington Post - 1 hour ago By Blaine Harden TOKYO, Oct. 14 -- Feverish buying in Japan on Tuesday replaced last week's market panic, as the benchmark Nikkei stock index soared to its largest-ever percentage gain in a single day, up 14.15 percent -- part of a global rally in ... Video: Asia Markets Mostly Up Monday AssociatedPress World Markets Reflect Growing Hope TIME The Associated Press - guardian.co.uk - Bloomberg - MarketWatch all 1,133 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:11:14 GMT Kashkari Leaps From Obscurity to Lead Role in US Bank Rescue - Bloomberg New York Daily News Kashkari Leaps From Obscurity to Lead Role in US Bank Rescue Bloomberg - 3 hours ago By Robert Schmidt and Rebecca Christie Oct. 14 (Bloomberg) -- Minutes before Neel Kashkari's public debut as the chief of the US Treasury's financial rescue plan, he sat in a hotel lobby in Washington, unrecognized by many of the international bankers ... What Treasury is planning CNNMoney.com After Historic Rally, Feds To Buy Bank Ownerships WCBS-TV New York Reuters - Bizjournals.com - San Francisco Chronicle - The Associated Press all 1,670 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:57:34 GMT Berlusconi Shares Investor Pain With $2 Billion Loss (Update2) - Bloomberg Voice of America Berlusconi Shares Investor Pain With $2 Billion Loss (Update2) Bloomberg - 2 hours ago By Andrew Davis and Lorenzo Totaro Oct. 14 (Bloomberg) -- Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi promises Italians they won't lose ``even a euro'' of their bank accounts in the current credit crisis. Video: Bush Says He Will Help US Banks AssociatedPress Bush To Speak About $250 Billion Banking Rescue Plan Monday Morning AHN BBC News - Voice of America - The Associated Press - Wall Street Journal all 809 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:46:59 GMT North Korea to resume nuclear dismantlement - The Associated Press Voice of America North Korea to resume nuclear dismantlement The Associated Press - 2 hours ago SEOUL, South Korea (AP) - North Korea planned to resume dismantling its nuclear program Tuesday for the first time in two months, days after the United States removed the communist regime from a terrorism blacklist as a reward under a disarmament pact. IAEA: N. Korea disabling set for Tuesday CNN International North Korean foreign minister set for nuclear talks in Moscow RIA Novosti Bloomberg - AFP - New York Times - Daily Nexus all 3,718 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:11:42 GMT House Race Is Shaken by Report of an Affair - New York Times ABC News House Race Is Shaken by Report of an Affair New York Times - 8 hours ago By IAN URBINA WASHINGTON - The Florida congressman who succeeded Mark Foley after he resigned because of a sex scandal is now embroiled in a sex scandal of his own, and has requested a Congressional ethics investigation to clear his name. A Florida (House) Bombshell Washington Post House to investigate lawmaker for alleged affair, ethics lapse CNN The Associated Press - Local10.com - CBS News all 357 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:20:36 GMT Milk, Sunshine Each Day Keep the Doctor Away - Washington Post ABC News Milk, Sunshine Each Day Keep the Doctor Away Washington Post - 5 hours ago · Kids from newborns to teenagers should take twice as much Vitamin D as previously recommended because it may help prevent serious disease, a leading medical group said yesterday. Video: HealthWatch CBS More tenacious about vitamin D Chicago Tribune Reuters - WBIR-TV - WebMD - eFluxMedia all 656 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:17:28 GMT RSS2Blog RSS Software

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