Boost Your Self-Esteem

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem literally means to esteem, or respect, yourself. Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive image of yourself. Let's look at where such a positive self-image comes from.

In her classic book Celebrate Yourself, Dorothy Corkville Briggs makes a distinction between the real you and your self-image. She says that the real you is unique and unchanging. Most of your self-image-what you think is true about yourself-is learned. It is not necessarily accurate at all!

Where are your beliefs about yourself drawn from? Where did you learn them? If you think about it, you'll see that they came from:

? What others said about you
? What others told you
? What others did to you

Your self-image is the result of all the messages you heard about yourself as a child. These messages added up to a set of beliefs about who you are. It may have nothing to do with who you really are.

For example, you may believe things like:

? I'm not very smart.
? I'm naturally passive.
? Girls aren't any good at math.
? I'm too old to start over.
? All of the women in the Breski family become doctors.
? I'm painfully shy.
? The Hurleys never lie.

In addition to learning to believe certain things during our early years, there are certain situations that make most people feel inferior or lacking in self-esteem.

Some examples are:

? Being criticized
? Not being loved
? Being rejected
? Experiencing failure

What Low Self-Esteem Feels Like

In situations like these above, it is not uncommon to feel emotions such as:

? Sadness
? Inferiority
? Anger
? Jealousy
? Rejection

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy is one of the most successful methods for helping people feel better about themselves. Cognitive therapists help depressed and anxious people feel better by identifying how faulty ways of thinking are making them feel bad. They believe that faulty thoughts cause us to feel bad, which makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Cognitive therapists call these faulty ways of thinking "twisted thinking." Cognitive therapy is a process where the client analyzes his or her thoughts and beliefs, and learns to substitute more healthy ways of thinking and believing. These therapists help their clients feel better in four steps: First, identify the upsetting events that cause bad feelings; second, record your thoughts about the event; third, identify the distortions in your thinking process; and fourth, substitute rational responses. When the client successfully completes these four steps, the client usually feels better about him- or herself.

Thinking the right kinds of thoughts is one way to feel good about yourself. Now let's talk about a second way to increase your self-esteem: by taking a look at your life environment and seeing whether it supports you feeling good about yourself. You may find that some nourishing elements need to be replenished. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you have people in your life who:

1. Treat you with love and respect?

2. Encourage you to do and be anything you want?

3. Help you find out what you want to do, and how to do it?

4. Encourage you to explore all of your talents and interests?

5. Are thrilled when you succeed?

6. Listen to you when you need to complain?

7. Help you bounce back from failure without making you feel bad?

Take a moment to think about each of the items on this list. Note where your environment is providing adequately for you, and where it is lacking. This can give you clues to how to build your own self-esteem.

Strategies for Esteem Building

1. Pay attention to how you are feeling from moment to moment. Tune in to what your five senses are experiencing. Take it down to the most basic level of "I feel warm right now," "I feel light-headed," "I feel a tightness in my stomach."

2. Revisit your interests and goals. Make a list of things you'd like to do and learn. Today, take one step toward learning more.

3. Spend less time with critical people and more time with those who appreciate you.

4. Spend some time with yourself at the end of each day. Review what happened and how you were feeling. Write about it in a private journal.

5. If you are feeling bad about yourself, consider finding a therapist to help you get your life on a positive track.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.

---

Google News Updated : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:08:13 GMT Cheney's staff censored EPA, ex-official alleges - Boston Globe Washington Post Cheney's staff censored EPA, ex-official alleges Boston Globe - 1 hour ago WASHINGTON - Members of Vice President Dick Cheney's staff censored congressional testimony by a top federal official on the health threats posed by global warming, a former official of the Environmental Protection Agency said yesterday. Cheney’s Office Said to Edit Draft Testimony on Warming New York Times White House in climate change "cover up" Reuters San Francisco Chronicle - USA Today - ABC News - Wall Street Journal all 564 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:36:02 GMT Iran test fires long and medium range missiles - Reuters Malaysia Star Iran test fires long and medium range missiles Reuters - 1 hour ago By Fredrik Dahl TEHRAN, July 9 (Reuters) - Iran has test fired nine long- and medium-range missiles, including one which it has previously said could reach Israel and US bases in the region, state media reported on Wednesday. Iran Test-Fires Missile Capable of Reaching Israel (Update1) Bloomberg Iran test-fires Shahab-3 long-range missile RIA Novosti BBC News - Monsters and Critics.com - International Herald Tribune - Jerusalem Post all 347 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:02:53 GMT Cheesesteaks, troops withdrawals and cigarettes that kill Iranians… - FOXNews Cheesesteaks, troops withdrawals and cigarettes that kill Iranians… FOXNews - 4 hours ago by Mosheh Oinounou PITTSBURGH, PA - Sen. McCain, joined by his wife Cindy, made a previously unannounced visit to the Primanti Brothers Restaurant and Bar, a famous Pittsburgh-area sandwich shop, Tuesday evening for a retail stop-turned media ... Caution: Can Iran cigarette jokes be dangerous to McCain's ... Los Angeles Times McCain jokes about killing Iranians with cigarettes Reuters The Associated Press - Washington Post - ABC News - Tribune Review all 156 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:11:13 GMT VMware Ousts CEO Diane Greene - BusinessWeek Boston Globe VMware Ousts CEO Diane Greene BusinessWeek - 1 hour ago by Aaron Ricadela VMware ended a long-running battle over its strategic direction on July 8, ousting co-founder and CEO Diane Greene and installing Microsoft veteran Paul Maritz in her place. EMC Replaces the Chief and Co-Founder of VMware, Silencing Talk of ... New York Times VMware CEO abruptly replaced SiliconValley.com Wall Street Journal - Forbes - MarketWatch - San Francisco Chronicle all 361 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:13:27 GMT McCain, Obama court Latino group - Los Angeles Times Voice of America McCain, Obama court Latino group Los Angeles Times - 2 hours ago Sen. John McCain addresses the League of United Latino American Citizens in Washington, DC. today. McCain plans to tell the Latino advocacy group that the nation must secure its borders "while respecting the dignity and rights of citizens and legal ... Candidates talk up Latino connections Boston Globe Candidates woo Hispanic group USA Today New York Daily News - Houston Chronicle - San Francisco Chronicle - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel all 500 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:56:13 GMT Hunger for victory defines Obama - Financial Times BBC News Hunger for victory defines Obama Financial Times - 2 hours ago By Edward Luce in Washington When Democrats criticise John McCain, they first praise his honourable military record. When Republicans do the same to Barack Obama, many begin by conceding that he is an “attractive and talented candidate”. Video: AP Campaign Minute AssociatedPress McCain, Obama Trade Early Fire in TV Ads FOXNews ABC News - KVBC - The Associated Press - Newsweek all 2,342 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:54:07 GMT Reiser deal ultimately hinges on judge's OK - San Francisco Chronicle Washington Post Reiser deal ultimately hinges on judge's OK San Francisco Chronicle - 44 minutes ago (07-08) 17:14 PDT OAKLAND -- The defense can ask for a deal in a murder case like Hans Reiser's, and the prosecution can sign off on it, but it's the judge who has the final say. Reiser takes plea deal for lesser sentence San Jose Mercury News My interview with murderer Hans Reiser Salon San Diego Union Tribune - SiliconValley.com - The Associated Press - CNET News all 654 news articles Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:23:31 GMT Clickbank Legitimate Work From Home Jobs

PARLOT::Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Adsense websites

Discovering Your Passion and Purpose

"I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet.""What... Read More

The Real Truth About Working Smarter, Not Harder

Running a business or department can often stretch you to... Read More

Is The Apprentice Bad For Your Health?

If you know who I mean when I say Kwame,... Read More

Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year

As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of... Read More

Ch-Ch-Chain of Hearts: Cranking Up Compassion

Can you hear your compassion? It's time to crank it... Read More

Let?s Say You?re a Dog. Are You So Competitive You?d Eat a Carrot?

Seems like a gal always learns something out on the... Read More

The Great Marketing Reframe

From grimaces to stomach knots, talking about marketing seems to... Read More

You Can Get There From Here

But first you've got to raise your standards.I know at... Read More

How to Effectively Balance Your Work and Family Life

What Is Your Definition of Success?If you want to create... Read More

Business Coaching - Ten Ways of Dealing with Mistakes You Made

You can either choose to dwell on what happened and... Read More

The American Dream ? Are We Really Free?

The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all... Read More

Two Leadership Strategies: Don?t Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach

Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under... Read More

Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers

Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others,... Read More

Think Twice Before Youre Nice

A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In... Read More

101 Winning Choices

Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning... Read More

COACHING: When it?s Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil

How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will... Read More

Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment

Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.The time-honored approach to disappointment... Read More

Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior

When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were... Read More

The Self Development Tool Box

Do you have a self-development toolbox? Do you have a... Read More

The Story ?From the Chicken Coop??

Many years ago my grandfather, had a small farm and... Read More

The Enchantment of Tribes to Belong To

I am remembering and have a desire to share with... Read More

Do You Ever Give Up Coaching Employees?

In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees.... Read More

Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes and How to Fix Them

1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are NotDo yourself... Read More

Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout.... Read More

A Live It

Real change happens only when it becomes part of our... Read More