Seven Ways to Say You?re Fired and What to Do When It Happens to You

Today's employers scramble for creative ways to advise employees of their unexpected departures. The days of employers being loyal to their employees are long gone. We now live in a culture where every working adult should be wearing a parachute just so he or she can land safely when forced to jump from the corporate tower. How are employers giving employees the boot?

1. You have the opportunity to resign. Let's be honest, you have the opportunity to resign everyday. What makes today so special? Well, it's because you really don't have a choice in the matter. If you say, "Thanks, but I'll pass on that today," you likely will find yourself terminated anyway. Employers use this phrase to ease their guilt.

2. We've decided to go a different direction. That leads the employee to believe that he or she controlled the direction of the corporation. Most of the companies I've been around don't involve average employees in the direction-setting process anyway. In reality, the company hasn't decided to go a different direction; its managers have decided you will go a different direction--toward the door!

3. We are reorganizing and you are no longer needed. I love this phrase because it forces the corporation to admit its previous lack of organization. This usually is a cover for some financial decision in which the manager saved his rear by sacrificing yours.

4. We have a new corporate mandate. Ambiguous explanations always sound intelligent, but they really say nothing. Do you really think the corporate head honchos got together to discuss your future? Ask one of those people to explain the corporate mandate and see if anything intelligible comes out of his mouth!

5. We are downsizing. That also is a great catch phrase. Chances are that the corporation will not be reducing its product or service offerings. There's a good possibility that the managers won't be required to reduce their salaries or control their business expenses. It just means the company will attempt to do more work with fewer people. So you either get dumped or dumped on? take your pick.

6. You are being negatively retained. Huh? That's simply corporate doublespeak for "you're fired!" However, in order to even make such a statement, the corporate mouthpiece first had his or her brain sucked out and replaced with Cool Whip!

7. We have a zero-tolerance policy. So, that means only the perfect people keep their jobs, right? This card is played when a corporation discovers a worker using his or her brain. Maybe the employee argued a point or expressed disagreement with a decision. Like a cult, many corporations require their subjects to avoid any thinking that calls into question the bad decisions of the corporate "brains." When you think, you're no longer tolerated!

So, what do you do when you are on the receiving end of one of these statements?

1. Update your resume and circulate it to all of your acquaintances outside your company. Be careful when talking about your previous employer so as not to jeopardize the hush money--sometimes called a severance package.

2. Contact your previous employer's competition... you might be a valuable addition to their workforce!

3. Reevaluate your career goals. Check out the resources available at Dan Miller's http://www.48days.com.

4. Relax. Emotional decisions seldom are smart decisions, so take your time.

5. Look forward, not backward. Don't dwell in the past but rather move forward toward the new beginning you have ahead.

If you are an employee of a company, the chances are good that you'll be terminated at some point in your working career. If you are an employer, you might have to terminate an employee. Whatever you do, just shoot straight. No one likes talking to someone who intentionally is ambiguous. Think about it!

Dr. Terry Hadaway is an author, speaker, university professor, and ezine publisher. His lighthearted and insightful articles are read by thousands of people every day. Visit http://www.thinkezine.com for more information.

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Google News Updated : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:50:00 GMT Union-Backed Party Opposes Term Limits Plan - New York Times New York Daily News Union-Backed Party Opposes Term Limits Plan New York Times - 1 hour ago By Fernanda Santos The Working Families Party began on Tuesday the labor community’s first major offensive against Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s plan to change term limit laws through legislation that would extend to three, from two, the number of terms ... UPDATE 1-NYC lawmakers to weigh bill raising term limits Reuters Bill to end term limits introduced in City Council New York Daily News New York Times Blogs - WNYC - Campaigns & Elections - Crain's New York Business all 331 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:15:23 GMT Fed Announces Plan to Buy Short-Term Debt - New York Times Telegraph.co.uk Fed Announces Plan to Buy Short-Term Debt New York Times - 58 minutes ago By EDMUND L. ANDREWS and MICHAEL M. GRYNBAUM WASHINGTON - The Federal Reserve announced a radical new plan on Tuesday to jump-start the engine of the financial system. Fed makes boldest move yet Christian Science Monitor Federal Reserve to buy up short-term commercial debt Los Angeles Times Bloomberg - NECN - The Associated Press - Wall Street Journal all 1,716 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:51:44 GMT Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS - San Jose Mercury News dBTechno Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS San Jose Mercury News - 8 hours ago By Linda Goldston Ayde Gonzales's mother was surprised when she insisted that her newborn son must sleep on his back, not on his side. Fan Use May Save Your Baby’s Life, Reduces SIDS Risk eFluxMedia Fan in Room Seems to Cut Infants’ Risk of Crib Death New York Times Bloomberg - Wall Street Journal - U.S. News & World Report - WebMD all 612 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:46:19 GMT Kenya deports anti-Obama author - Christian Science Monitor BBC News Kenya deports anti-Obama author Christian Science Monitor - 4 hours ago Jerome Corsi, author of "Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality," tried to launch his new book, but violated immigration rules, Kenyan officials say. Barack Obama's African grandmother Sarah Onyango Obama roots for him Times Online Anti-Barack Obama author detained while promoting his book in Kenya Los Angeles Times AFP - The Associated Press - New York Times - BBC News all 507 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:09:55 GMT Fitch says AMD factory move has no ratings impact - Forbes Canada.com Fitch says AMD factory move has no ratings impact Forbes - 51 minutes ago AP 10.07.08, 3:48 PM ET Fitch Ratings said Tuesday Advanced Micro Devices Inc.'s ratings are not affected by the chip maker's plans to spin off factories into a new joint venture with investors in the Persian Gulf state of Abu Dhabi. What AMD's fab spinoff means for Intel, industry MarketWatch Who Benefits From AMD’s Financial Engineering? New York Times The Associated Press - BusinessWeek - Motley Fool - Bizjournals.com all 656 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:58:11 GMT Get moving: Guidelines set healthy activity levels - The Associated Press ABC News Get moving: Guidelines set healthy activity levels The Associated Press - 38 minutes ago WASHINGTON (AP) - Get moving: New exercise guidelines released Tuesday set a minimum sweat allotment for good health. For most adults, that's 2 1/2 hours a week. Government tells Americans to take stairs, go out and play Bizjournals.com Get 2 1/2 hours of exercise per week, US says Reuters USA Today - Food Consumer - MarketWatch - MyFox Dallas all 183 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:11:51 GMT Axelrod Says Obama Will Counterpunch if McCain Raises Ayres - New York Times Axelrod Says Obama Will Counterpunch if McCain Raises Ayres New York Times - 2 hours ago By Patrick Healy NASHVILLE - Senator Barack Obama is prepared to hit back, including with Keating Five scandal if necessary, if Senator John McCain uses tonight’s presidential debate to attack him over his associations with controversial figures like ... Video: AP Campaign Minute AssociatedPress Palin Adds Fannie Mae Execs to List of Objectionable Obama Associates Washington Post The Associated Press - U.S. News & World Report - FOXNews - Christian Science Monitor all 4,761 news articles Publ.Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:32:14 GMT RSS2Blog RSS For Web Pages

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