Your Default Settings

Buy a computer--any computer--and it comes loaded with software automatically set to certain default settings. For example, the default setting for Word is Times New Roman 12-point. Last week, as I presented one of my periodic Best Year Yet(R) programs, I found myself referring to default settings of the human variety. Human default settings are those areas of life where we unconsciously cooperate with limiting thoughts and behaviors that keep us from living our best lives.

A default setting in our lives can be anything from automatically turning on the television set when we walk into a room, to spending too much time surfing the net or checking email...it's usually brainless, time-stealing and rarely does it add value to our lives. Deeply entrenched default settings become beliefs like: "I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, educated enough...", (or any of a thousand variations). And just as documents pre-set with Times New Roman 12-point type have a consistent and readily identifiable look, our habits of thinking--default settings--produce results that are consistent with them as well. Default thought: "I don't have the right clothes (or whatever), so I can't start working out." Result: Not working out. Default thought: "I always have to be available for my clients." Result: No time to refill your own tank, ultimately leading to burnout.

Is it possible to change our human default settings? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not usually. But if you find yourself defaulting rather than designing how you want to live, work, or play, with commitment and consistency, you can override your automatic settings. Here are some steps to help you do it:

First, become aware of your default modes. You might start by making a list of things you do habitually that may not be useful or beneficial. Too much email or TV, not exercising, making excuses for not starting a project or growing your business, blaming others for what's happening (or not) in life, working too many hours, not pursuing a hobby, and always saying yes when you want to say no are just a few examples of default settings that may be keeping you stuck.

Secondly, notice the amount of excuse-making and rationalizing you generate around your default modes. You'll often recognize these monologues by their characteristic repetitive phrases: "I can't," "I have to," "When I get X, then I'll do Y," "It's only," or "Just this once."

Thirdly, see if you can drill down to the core issue that's really at cause. A few years ago I realized that I was a victim of "yes-itis," a behavior characterized by the tendency to say yes to everyone's requests for my time. I realized that my default setting was based on a belief that in order to be liked I always had to say yes. When I recognized it, I created a new internal message for myself: "I say no to others so I can say yes to myself." Then when my old default behavior came close to kicking in, I would remind myself of the new message. Eventually this became my default setting. And now, though I do occasionally slip, most of the time I at least stop to check my gut to ask whether this program or project is something I really want to do (is it a "yes" to myself?) before deciding to commit to it.

Finally, it helps to create options to steer you away from old, habitual patterns of behavior. If you have a habit of turning on the TV the minute you walk in the house, start by entering through a different door. If you tend to spend too much time on the computer, close the door to the room or office where your computer is located. If you work tend to work too much, schedule times to meet a friend that require you to leave the office earlier a couple of days a week. If it's saying yes to your own detriment, develop the habit of requesting 24 hours to think over any decisions before making a final commitment.

Ultimately we all get to choose the life we want to live. For some it will be based entirely on default settings, never questioning the beliefs or behaviors that dictate the quality of their lives. This week, I challenge you to examine your default settings to see if they are really adding to the richness of your life or just the convenience of it. Trust me, I'll be doing the same.

Betty

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Quote of the Week

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

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Google News Updated : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:05:39 GMT Nokia Forecasts Drop in Third-Quarter Market Share (Update1) - Bloomberg AFP Nokia Forecasts Drop in Third-Quarter Market Share (Update1) Bloomberg - 1 hour ago By Juho Erkheikki Sept. 5 (Bloomberg) -- Nokia Oyj, the world's biggest maker of mobile phones, forecast a drop in third-quarter market share after competitors slashed prices and a new handset was delayed. Nokia Sees Market Share Slipping in Third Quarter Wall Street Journal Nokia Lowers its Third Quarter 2008 Mobile Device Market Share Outlook FOXBusiness MarketWatch - Reuters - TheStreet.com - The Associated Press all 138 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:50:07 GMT Dell looks to sell factories worldwide - CNNMoney.com Wall Street Journal Dell looks to sell factories worldwide CNNMoney.com - 50 minutes ago By Scott Moritz Dell (DELL) is getting more serious about trimming costs and is exploring plans to sell its PC manufacturing plants, according to a news report Friday. Dell said to consider sale of factories MarketWatch Ahead of the Bell: Dell may sell plants, WSJ says Forbes Bloomberg - EETimes.com - BloggingStocks - Zacks.com all 83 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:15:09 GMT Lavrov rejects Cheney's attack on Russia - CNN International BBC News Lavrov rejects Cheney's attack on Russia CNN International - 1 hour ago By CNN's Matthew Chance MOSCOW, Russia (CNN) -- Russia on Friday rejected sharp criticism by US Vice President Dick Cheney that its intervention in Georgia raises doubts about Moscow's reliability as an international partner. Video: Cheney Slams Russia for War Against Georgia AssociatedPress Russia says Cheney fanning Georgian aggression Reuters India Reuters UK - guardian.co.uk - RIA Novosti - Voice of America all 2,162 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:45:40 GMT Reviews of McCain's speech - MSNBC Telegraph.co.uk Reviews of McCain's speech MSNBC - 30 minutes ago The AP’s Ron Fournier says McCain “preached bipartisanship and unity from a stage retooled to carry him out to the Republican faithful. McCain: I work for you CNN Political Ticker ‘Change is coming,’ McCain tells GOP in speech Kansas City Star CNN - Houston Chronicle - Forbes - Chicago Sun-Times all 906 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:35:16 GMT Lebanese ruling majority accuses Syria of interfering in Lebanon - Xinhua Sydney Morning Herald Lebanese ruling majority accuses Syria of interfering in Lebanon Xinhua - 2 hours ago BEIRUT, Sept.5 (Xinhua) -- Lebanese ruling majority accused Syrian President Bashar Assad of interfering in Lebanese internal affairs and not recognizing Lebanon's sovereignty, local press Naharnet reported Friday. Video: Sarkozy in Syria : the press is divided france24english Editor's Notes: A losing battle, so far Jerusalem Post PRESS TV - Ynetnews - Ha'aretz - New York Times all 1,062 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 11:59:29 GMT In Long-Awaited Maps of Cancer, The Breakthrough Is the Problem - Wall Street Journal In Long-Awaited Maps of Cancer, The Breakthrough Is the Problem Wall Street Journal - 10 hours ago By GAUTAM NAIK After struggling for years to improve the treatment of cancer, scientists now hope to fight the disease with the help of the same techniques that deciphered the human genome eight years ago: mapping it. What You Need to Know About Mapping the Cancer Genome U.S. News & World Report Data on defective genes make tailored remedies possible Baltimore Sun Reuters - The Associated Press - Bloomberg - eFluxMedia all 261 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:01:28 GMT PIECING TOGETHER A PLEA How the deal got done - Detroit Free Press Boston Globe PIECING TOGETHER A PLEA How the deal got done Detroit Free Press - 6 hours ago BY JOE SWICKARD • FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER • September 5, 2008 Prosecutors rolled Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's plea deal into court Thursday praying the wheels wouldn't fall off. Detroit Mayor Acknowledges 'Poor Judgment' NPR Detroit mayor pleads guilty, to leave office Reuters DetNews.com - International Herald Tribune - The Associated Press - WWJ all 853 news articles Publ.Date : Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:57:24 GMT RSS For Web Pages Increase Website Traffic

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